04-27-2003, 01:53 PM | #21 |
Knight of the Rose
Join Date: April 8, 2003
Location: Arkansas
Age: 48
Posts: 4,442
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hey lioness, i would welcome your thoughts on my poem, sorry i did not say that,lol i am always open to advice on if my poems are up to par, to dark to light,lol course my fav poet is edgar Alan Poe, so i guess they are always dark....but here is the very first poem i wrote,kind of a lost love poem, tell me what you think
Lonely cries Each night I go to bed I start to dream of you From the day we first met to the day you said we're through You are always in my memory you'realways in my mind I will always remember The way you were so kind Please remember me for I will never forget you all these lonely cries are all I can ever do I know i've said it once and I will say it again I will loveyou forever until the very end ...............................this poem was written when I was 11 years old, so it kind of wanders the point alittle, but it was the very first time i had everhad a boyfriend,lol
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04-27-2003, 03:41 PM | #22 |
Knight of the Rose
Join Date: January 8, 2001
Location: Scotland
Age: 38
Posts: 4,418
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Oh! This little, growing ember!
Thought on thought, an endless number! If naught else lives, please remember, "Floor is not just made of lumber." Sorry, oh furry one, but I had to write that, for my own twisted amusement. [img]tongue.gif[/img]
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04-27-2003, 07:18 PM | #23 | ||
Jack Burton
Join Date: June 3, 2001
Location: Among the Stars
Age: 36
Posts: 5,837
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Quote:
Stormy: very impressive for 11! [img]smile.gif[/img] Quote:
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04-27-2003, 07:36 PM | #24 |
Knight of the Rose
Join Date: April 8, 2003
Location: Arkansas
Age: 48
Posts: 4,442
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thanks, i had never thought of that, but it does sound better that way, like i said i was still a child,lol but i will revise it [img]smile.gif[/img]
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04-27-2003, 08:31 PM | #25 |
Jack Burton
Join Date: June 3, 2001
Location: Among the Stars
Age: 36
Posts: 5,837
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Sir G: the rest looks pretty good. [img]smile.gif[/img] Some general advice I would impart is that you have a lot of interesting encounters here, but make sure they tie in throughout the entire plot.
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04-27-2003, 08:33 PM | #26 |
Ra
Join Date: March 11, 2001
Location: Ant Hill
Age: 49
Posts: 2,397
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well spin us up a world
then with shining lights and cloudy heights with singing spires and darkest dires where darkest dread runs wild and red where forests burn at midnights turn send angels there with wings of blue feathers it's true! and a savior stare to save the land send darkness back send nightmare reeling feeling feeling feeling feeling where we can rest in grassy valley on grassy planet on grassy then spin us up a world |
04-27-2003, 08:41 PM | #27 |
Jack Burton
Join Date: June 3, 2001
Location: Among the Stars
Age: 36
Posts: 5,837
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whoo! Djinn! *LIKES!* Of course, I expect no less from you. veryyyyy nice imagery there, and it just kind of struck a chord for me I guess. For some reason it made me think of the Terry Pratchett quote regarding Earth vs. Discworld. "You call that a world? This is a world."
Eisenshwarz - veeeery interesting idea. You incorporated the reality nicely toward the end there, very intriguing. [img]smile.gif[/img]
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04-27-2003, 09:02 PM | #28 | ||
Jack Burton
Join Date: June 3, 2001
Location: Among the Stars
Age: 36
Posts: 5,837
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Quote:
Quote:
[ 04-27-2003, 09:04 PM: Message edited by: Lioness ]
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04-27-2003, 11:35 PM | #29 |
Dracolisk
Join Date: January 5, 2002
Location: Guantanamo Bay, Cuba
Age: 38
Posts: 6,043
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_____ ThEm3 FoR 0m/\/Ip0t3n__ _|_
_____________________________| _____________________________| _________D3 _____Sper _________4t ________D3 _________4nged __________Talk1ng ________in my ____________Sl33p __________again... _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _3yes Tw1tch... _ret4in... _______________a sent4mental.... _someth1ng... Beg me for ignorance... your heart beating so easily... Wish to lose your visions... And experience fatality... ________________ Pest1lence _____Pr0sess _________what you wish ____________Is just what you get ___our hearts beat... ++++++++++++++++POSITIVE++++++++ Provided... ________________This... ____PROGRESS ignorance... does insist... To place you on a black list... People try... to deny... They f1nd they los3 _____________the1r m1nd... ________________ avoid _____ addictivley ______________ Insist that: nothing happened Life bloodless... Libery... The Wind... __________Drifts away... ______________________Disgarted Memory! __________to you I am your ... ________________________Break d0wn 4mid the mixtur3s.. Avoid... addictivley... Obsess with Near romances... _____________________ Comfort is Trechery Found and nailed in tight I'm screaming out of sight Against a grain like curtain unbearably alive... U N B E A R A B L Y A L I V E you'll never... be the one _____________________ can't you see... To rule new heaven new earth... ______________________ New galaxy... that right belongs... to me... *pans on to omnipotent logo*
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04-28-2003, 07:34 AM | #30 |
Jack Burton
Join Date: June 3, 2001
Location: Among the Stars
Age: 36
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aaaaaaaah! L33t! [img]graemlins/crying.gif[/img]
What I could read of that looked interesting, though. [img]smile.gif[/img]
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