Office Rules and Regulations!

The Fallen One · 01-21-2004, 10:13 PM

SICK DAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor’s sick-note as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.

SURGERY
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

HOLIDAYS
Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employee to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.

ABSENT FOR YOUR OWN DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

TOILET USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance:
All employees whose name begins with ‘A’ will go from 8.00 to 8.20; employees whose names begin with ‘B’ will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on. If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both workers Supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of 3 minutes an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, and the door will open.

LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that’s all the time they need to drink a Slimfast and take a diet pill.

DRESS CODE
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing fancy trainers or clothing we will assume that you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusation, contemplation, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere.

Thank you
Managing Director
P.P

Callum Kerr · 01-22-2004, 01:27 AM

How's the dental?

LordKathen · 01-22-2004, 04:30 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Callum Kerr:
How's the dental?

Perfect reply! [img]graemlins/awesomework.gif[/img]
Cool post Fallen BTW. Sorry, I just can top Callum's post... [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

01-22-2004, 06:09 AM

ROFL [img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img] ......that's cool...

it's not real right.....i was looking forward to working but sheesh if it's gonna be anything like that...might as well not....

Intrepid · 01-22-2004, 06:12 AM

Wow that sounds great, some people have it good, can i transfer there from my current job? [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Donut · 01-22-2004, 06:12 AM

We recently introduced a policy to save us time on the phone. Instead of saying goodbye to customers the receptionists have been instructed to use a very curt Ba! to curtail the time on the phone.

Sythe · 01-22-2004, 08:03 AM

LoL this is hilarious.

Callum Kerr · 01-23-2004, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by LordKathen:

quote:
Originally posted by Callum Kerr:
How's the dental?

Perfect reply! [img]graemlins/awesomework.gif[/img]
Cool post Fallen BTW. Sorry, I just can top Callum's post... [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] [/QUOTE]*bows*

glad you liked it...

maybe you'll be treated to another "Callum masterpiece" in the 15 years it took me to get this one [img]tongue.gif[/img]

RoSs_bg2_rox · 01-24-2004, 05:15 AM

lol! good one!

Stratos · 01-24-2004, 10:10 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Callum Kerr:

quote:
Originally posted by LordKathen:

quote:
Originally posted by Callum Kerr:
How's the dental?

Perfect reply! [img]graemlins/awesomework.gif[/img]
Cool post Fallen BTW. Sorry, I just can top Callum's post... [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] [/QUOTE]*bows*

glad you liked it...

maybe you'll be treated to another "Callum masterpiece" in the 15 years it took me to get this one [img]tongue.gif[/img] [/QUOTE]Cherish the moment...this is your 15 minutes of fame.

01-21-2004, 10:13 PM	#1
The Fallen One Elminster Join Date: September 25, 2003 Location: In The Darkness... Age: 37 Posts: 442	SICK DAYS We will no longer accept a doctor’s sick-note as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work. SURGERY Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. HOLIDAYS Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employee to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done. ABSENT FOR YOUR OWN DEATH This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement. TOILET USE Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance: All employees whose name begins with ‘A’ will go from 8.00 to 8.20; employees whose names begin with ‘B’ will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on. If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both workers Supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of 3 minutes an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, and the door will open. LUNCH BREAK Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that’s all the time they need to drink a Slimfast and take a diet pill. DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing fancy trainers or clothing we will assume that you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusation, contemplation, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Thank you Managing Director P.P __________________ [img]\"http://ox.wit.edu/~pokharela/exermv4.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /><br />--------------------<br /> [img]\"http://ox.wit.edu/~pokharela/kana.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

01-22-2004, 01:27 AM	#2
Callum Kerr Drizzt Do'Urden Join Date: October 11, 2002 Location: Malaysia Age: 35 Posts: 638	How's the dental? __________________ [img]\"http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0RwARAyMWqyivmPQQNWY0hVVRv3oUvlvq5uMcEd3!RZut55dm8 emNqpdvpE7IkB0Cpa1ykaC4MbaPQTDKfXyfz!1y5xDqyJez01d EkyCZjmc/Callum.gif\" alt=\" - \" /><br />Puff the magic dragon!

01-22-2004, 06:12 AM	#6
Donut Jack Burton Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Airstrip One Age: 40 Posts: 5,571	We recently introduced a policy to save us time on the phone. Instead of saying goodbye to customers the receptionists have been instructed to use a very curt Ba! to curtail the time on the phone. __________________ [img]\"http://www.wheatsheaf.freeserve.co.uk/roastspurs.gif\" alt=\" - \" /> <br />Proud member of the Axis of Upheaval<br />Official Titterer of the Laughing Hyenas<br />Josiah Bartlet - the best President the US never had.<br />The 1st D in the D & D Show

01-22-2004, 08:03 AM	#7
Sythe Ra Join Date: May 19, 2002 Location: The US of A Age: 35 Posts: 2,365	LoL this is hilarious. __________________ Slythe is back! Back again! Haha! <br /><br />[url]\"http://imageshack.us\" target=\"_blank\"> [img]\"http://img472.imageshack.us/img472/9928/130blood4ts.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /></a>

01-24-2004, 05:15 AM	#9
RoSs_bg2_rox Zartan Join Date: May 20, 2003 Location: Near Aberdeen, Scotland Age: 34 Posts: 5,225	lol! good one! __________________ [img]\"http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/ladyzekke/dragonwater2.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

01-22-2004, 06:09 AM	#4
Spirits forever Guest Posts: n/a	ROFL [img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img] ......that's cool... it's not real right.....i was looking forward to working but sheesh if it's gonna be anything like that...might as well not....

01-22-2004, 06:12 AM	#5
Intrepid Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 28, 2003 Location: Australia Age: 37 Posts: 1,124	Wow that sounds great, some people have it good, can i transfer there from my current job? [img]tongue.gif[/img]

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