OK, for a funny thread...post your most hilarious (TRUE) stories here

Sazerac · 06-07-2001, 02:39 PM

What are some hilarious true stories that have happened to you or others? Post them here!

Rules: KEEP IT CLEAN! No dirty talk, ok?

Also, no bashing anyone on the forum.

My story:

Many years ago (actually about 1986), I had a good friend who was preparing a HUGE mess of baked beans to take to an outdoor festival the next day ("Splash Days" in Dallas). Anyway, she was a bit of a ditz, and her boyfriend played a MEAN joke on her by telling her that she could remove the "gassy" quality of the beans by poking a hole in each one with a needle.

Well, of course, she bought the story, and sat up until like 4 in the morning the night before, watching HBO movies and poking holes in over 2000 beans that were soaking!

When I found out about it, I laughed so hard I just about choked. I told her next time to get some "Beano" and not to be so naive. When she found out how she'd been duped, I don't think she spoke to that rake boyfriend of hers for over a week. He was in the DEEP doghouse!

Melusine · 06-07-2001, 02:43 PM

LMAO!!! Saz, that is so incredibly funny!!!

I don't know if I can think of *any* story of mine that could equal yours.... let me think, 'kay? In the meantime, people, post your funny stories here!

Mel, still snickering ...

------------------
Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, &
Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar

Your voice is ambrosia

kiwidoc · 06-07-2001, 02:54 PM

Picture this - a young, innocent, niaiive and shy doctor (yes I was! This was a long time ago

) who has just been working on duty for 80 hours continuously. It is a hot summers nihgt and she decides she has earned a big icecream as a treat. She walks down the street. One side is a large park, and the street lights on the other side are dim, so the lights outside the shop look to all intents and purposes like a spotlight in the darkness.

There is a large car parked outside the shop full of drunken yahoos all hooting and laughing. She really wanted this icecream so she decides to be brave and ignoring all the whistles and catcalls she steps into the light. It was at this precise moment the elastic on her knickers (panties to the foreigners) chose to give way, and said item of clothing fell gracefully to the ground.

What did I do? why I just stepped out of them of course. Eyes fixed firmly straight ahead I walked on, and I never got that ice cream

------------------
There is only one kiwidoc, accept no substitutes

STANDARD OPERATING PROCEEDURE
www.judyhope.co.uk

Sazerac · 06-07-2001, 02:57 PM

Oh, NO!!! ROFLMAO, Kiwidoc!

May I add you handled yourself EXTREMELY well under the circumstances! Pity about your ice cream, though!!

06-07-2001, 04:00 PM

Hmmmmm LOL

Well I have a few probably but the bean story reminded me of once when I was sixteen and I got off the school bus a mile away from home to visit a friend who had gotten pregnant, married and dropped out of school to live in and take care of her mother-in-law's house.

She was making dinner and when I asked her how life away from home and school was, she told me how strict her mother-in-law was about keeping her house just so...everything cleaned as clean as it could be, everything in its place at all times, having dinner on the table at the same time every day and things like that.
Her sister was also there and as her sister and I sat in the front room talking, the girl was busy in the kitchen getting a meal together for her husband and mother-in-law who would be home soon.

She called me into the kitchen for help and when I got there she was standing at the stove in front of a pressure cooker with oven mits on her hands. She stated that I was strong and could I help her get the lid off as the potatoes inside were done and she needed to mash them in a hurry! Time was running out! (Poor girl, she was so stressed!)

So me, being the helpful kind of friend that I am, put the mits on my own hands, took hold of the pot, and turned with all my might not realizing in order to open a pressure cooker, you need to take the weight off the top and let the steam out first!

I tugged and pulled and finally felt it give. Immediately, the lid blew off and smacked into the ceiling, leaving a big dent and the whole kitchen was painted with a sudden cooked potato explosion!

We all screamed at first and then laughed when we saw each other and everything around us covered with hot potato bits.
She then looked at the clock and started crying and yelling that her mother-in-law was going to be home any second and that she would be killed if the woman came home and saw her kitchen in that condition!

I looked at the clock myself and realized I only had 3 minutes to make the mile home or I would be in a heap of trouble for being late so I explained myself and started to leave.
The two of them literally screamed at me that I had made the mess and therefore I had to stay around and help them clean it up!

Being totally ignorant of how pressure cookers worked I saw no fault on my part and fearing my own mother more than her mother-in-law, I left anyway as they cried and yelled obscenities in my general direction as I headed out the door and ran home trying to beat the clock.

Neither of them ever talked to me again and I hear they both still hate me for the incident more than twenty years later but I still laugh my ass off whenever I think of that pot exploding and the potato spray that went everywhere!

Moni

------------------

Melusine · 06-07-2001, 04:05 PM

OMG Moni and Kiwi, those are some true horror stories!!!

Kiwidoc, your story actually reminds me of a similar blunder I had, when I was wearing a skirt and underneath a pair of those stay-ups, you know, the stockings that are kept up by a strip of silicone...
Yes,

when i was going out with some friends, they fell down

. I wish I could have reacted as cool as you did, but I'm afraid I just went VERY red in the face....to the amusement of my friends of course...

------------------
Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, &
Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar

Your voice is ambrosia

Melusine · 06-08-2001, 09:13 AM

BUMP

------------------
Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, &
Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar

Your voice is ambrosia

kiwidoc · 06-08-2001, 09:30 AM

This is a "oh my god I always wanted to do that" story. I have only been pulled over for speeding once on my whole life - which doesnt mean I don't speed!

Picture the same doctor two years later eating a meal with friends in a pub. Her page goes so she abandons the food and takes off. A police officer see's her leaving the pub car park at a great rate of knots and pulls her over. He leans over in a very intimidating manner and in a condescending voice asks

"Ma'am just where were you going to so fast? Please blow into this bag!"

"I'm off to the police station. I am your duty police doctor and I need to check out a prisoner who has just collapsed! And no, I won't blow in your bag as I haven't got time!"

Haven't you always DREAMED of making an answer like that. I got a police escort

and btw - the prisoner was OK, he was just drunk.

------------------
There is only one kiwidoc, accept no substitutes

STANDARD OPERATING PROCEEDURE
www.judyhope.co.uk

Sazerac · 06-08-2001, 12:59 PM

Heheheheeh!!

Kiwidoc, you've done something most of us only get to DREAM of! I would have given anything to see the look on that cop's face.

The prisoner was DRUNK? LOL! I didn't know they allowed prisoners to drink! Either that or he was drinking on the sly. There's enough drug use in our prisons over here and the danged guards just look the other way.

Cloudbringer · 06-08-2001, 01:23 PM

Well this one didn't happen to me...I just got to hear it from a friend. A neighbor of his was telling him how she'd made her first ever blueberry pie and it was going to be her last! He asked her why and the lady said it took too long to make them. Seems she'd peeled the blueberries!

On the subject of food....While on my first trip to Moscow, I got in line for some items being sold at a little store. Found out it was garlic and beets and decided to get some garlic. Well, when asked how much I wanted I smiled and said one (not knowing the word for a single piece, i just said 'one'). I was watching the woman shoveling many garlc bulbs into a paper funnel when it dawned on me she was doing that for me! Seems by saying just one, I'd left her to the default measure which is one KILO....ACK! I quickly yelled "HALF...HALF!" in Russian and ended up with a half kilo of garlic to take back to the dorm! Needless to say I got many a vampire joke made around me for a while, and I learned that a single bulb of garlic is a "golovka" or 'little head' in Russian.

Do you have any idea how long a half kilo of fresh garlic lasts?! LOL

GarlicChefCloud

------------------

Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan
Storm-Queen
StormCloud of the Black Knight
Heart Mind Soul Forever

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06-07-2001, 02:39 PM	#1
Sazerac Ironworks Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Monroe, LA Age: 60 Posts: 7,387	What are some hilarious true stories that have happened to you or others? Post them here! Rules: KEEP IT CLEAN! No dirty talk, ok? Also, no bashing anyone on the forum. My story: Many years ago (actually about 1986), I had a good friend who was preparing a HUGE mess of baked beans to take to an outdoor festival the next day ("Splash Days" in Dallas). Anyway, she was a bit of a ditz, and her boyfriend played a MEAN joke on her by telling her that she could remove the "gassy" quality of the beans by poking a hole in each one with a needle. Well, of course, she bought the story, and sat up until like 4 in the morning the night before, watching HBO movies and poking holes in over 2000 beans that were soaking! When I found out about it, I laughed so hard I just about choked. I told her next time to get some "Beano" and not to be so naive. When she found out how she'd been duped, I don't think she spoke to that rake boyfriend of hers for over a week. He was in the DEEP doghouse!

06-07-2001, 02:43 PM	#2
Melusine Dracolisk Join Date: January 8, 2001 Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands Age: 43 Posts: 6,541	LMAO!!! Saz, that is so incredibly funny!!! I don't know if I can think of any story of mine that could equal yours.... let me think, 'kay? In the meantime, people, post your funny stories here! Mel, still snickering ... ------------------ Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, & Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar Your voice is ambrosia

06-07-2001, 02:54 PM	#3
kiwidoc Zhentarim Guard Join Date: May 31, 2001 Location: UK Posts: 385	Picture this - a young, innocent, niaiive and shy doctor (yes I was! This was a long time ago ) who has just been working on duty for 80 hours continuously. It is a hot summers nihgt and she decides she has earned a big icecream as a treat. She walks down the street. One side is a large park, and the street lights on the other side are dim, so the lights outside the shop look to all intents and purposes like a spotlight in the darkness. There is a large car parked outside the shop full of drunken yahoos all hooting and laughing. She really wanted this icecream so she decides to be brave and ignoring all the whistles and catcalls she steps into the light. It was at this precise moment the elastic on her knickers (panties to the foreigners) chose to give way, and said item of clothing fell gracefully to the ground. What did I do? why I just stepped out of them of course. Eyes fixed firmly straight ahead I walked on, and I never got that ice cream ------------------ There is only one kiwidoc, accept no substitutes STANDARD OPERATING PROCEEDURE www.judyhope.co.uk

06-07-2001, 02:57 PM	#4
Sazerac Ironworks Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Monroe, LA Age: 60 Posts: 7,387	Oh, NO!!! ROFLMAO, Kiwidoc! May I add you handled yourself EXTREMELY well under the circumstances! Pity about your ice cream, though!!

06-07-2001, 04:00 PM	#5
Moni Guest Posts: n/a	Hmmmmm LOL Well I have a few probably but the bean story reminded me of once when I was sixteen and I got off the school bus a mile away from home to visit a friend who had gotten pregnant, married and dropped out of school to live in and take care of her mother-in-law's house. She was making dinner and when I asked her how life away from home and school was, she told me how strict her mother-in-law was about keeping her house just so...everything cleaned as clean as it could be, everything in its place at all times, having dinner on the table at the same time every day and things like that. Her sister was also there and as her sister and I sat in the front room talking, the girl was busy in the kitchen getting a meal together for her husband and mother-in-law who would be home soon. She called me into the kitchen for help and when I got there she was standing at the stove in front of a pressure cooker with oven mits on her hands. She stated that I was strong and could I help her get the lid off as the potatoes inside were done and she needed to mash them in a hurry! Time was running out! (Poor girl, she was so stressed!) So me, being the helpful kind of friend that I am, put the mits on my own hands, took hold of the pot, and turned with all my might not realizing in order to open a pressure cooker, you need to take the weight off the top and let the steam out first! I tugged and pulled and finally felt it give. Immediately, the lid blew off and smacked into the ceiling, leaving a big dent and the whole kitchen was painted with a sudden cooked potato explosion! We all screamed at first and then laughed when we saw each other and everything around us covered with hot potato bits. She then looked at the clock and started crying and yelling that her mother-in-law was going to be home any second and that she would be killed if the woman came home and saw her kitchen in that condition! I looked at the clock myself and realized I only had 3 minutes to make the mile home or I would be in a heap of trouble for being late so I explained myself and started to leave. The two of them literally screamed at me that I had made the mess and therefore I had to stay around and help them clean it up! Being totally ignorant of how pressure cookers worked I saw no fault on my part and fearing my own mother more than her mother-in-law, I left anyway as they cried and yelled obscenities in my general direction as I headed out the door and ran home trying to beat the clock. Neither of them ever talked to me again and I hear they both still hate me for the incident more than twenty years later but I still laugh my ass off whenever I think of that pot exploding and the potato spray that went everywhere! Moni ------------------

06-07-2001, 04:05 PM	#6
Melusine Dracolisk Join Date: January 8, 2001 Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands Age: 43 Posts: 6,541	OMG Moni and Kiwi, those are some true horror stories!!! Kiwidoc, your story actually reminds me of a similar blunder I had, when I was wearing a skirt and underneath a pair of those stay-ups, you know, the stockings that are kept up by a strip of silicone... Yes, when i was going out with some friends, they fell down . I wish I could have reacted as cool as you did, but I'm afraid I just went VERY red in the face....to the amusement of my friends of course... ------------------ Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, & Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar Your voice is ambrosia

06-08-2001, 09:13 AM	#7
Melusine Dracolisk Join Date: January 8, 2001 Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands Age: 43 Posts: 6,541	BUMP ------------------ Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, & Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar Your voice is ambrosia

06-08-2001, 09:30 AM	#8
kiwidoc Zhentarim Guard Join Date: May 31, 2001 Location: UK Posts: 385	This is a "oh my god I always wanted to do that" story. I have only been pulled over for speeding once on my whole life - which doesnt mean I don't speed! Picture the same doctor two years later eating a meal with friends in a pub. Her page goes so she abandons the food and takes off. A police officer see's her leaving the pub car park at a great rate of knots and pulls her over. He leans over in a very intimidating manner and in a condescending voice asks "Ma'am just where were you going to so fast? Please blow into this bag!" "I'm off to the police station. I am your duty police doctor and I need to check out a prisoner who has just collapsed! And no, I won't blow in your bag as I haven't got time!" Haven't you always DREAMED of making an answer like that. I got a police escort and btw - the prisoner was OK, he was just drunk. ------------------ There is only one kiwidoc, accept no substitutes STANDARD OPERATING PROCEEDURE www.judyhope.co.uk

06-08-2001, 12:59 PM	#9
Sazerac Ironworks Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Monroe, LA Age: 60 Posts: 7,387	Heheheheeh!! Kiwidoc, you've done something most of us only get to DREAM of! I would have given anything to see the look on that cop's face. The prisoner was DRUNK? LOL! I didn't know they allowed prisoners to drink! Either that or he was drinking on the sly. There's enough drug use in our prisons over here and the danged guards just look the other way.

06-08-2001, 01:23 PM	#10
Cloudbringer Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Upstate NY USA Posts: 19,737	Well this one didn't happen to me...I just got to hear it from a friend. A neighbor of his was telling him how she'd made her first ever blueberry pie and it was going to be her last! He asked her why and the lady said it took too long to make them. Seems she'd peeled the blueberries! On the subject of food....While on my first trip to Moscow, I got in line for some items being sold at a little store. Found out it was garlic and beets and decided to get some garlic. Well, when asked how much I wanted I smiled and said one (not knowing the word for a single piece, i just said 'one'). I was watching the woman shoveling many garlc bulbs into a paper funnel when it dawned on me she was doing that for me! Seems by saying just one, I'd left her to the default measure which is one KILO....ACK! I quickly yelled "HALF...HALF!" in Russian and ended up with a half kilo of garlic to take back to the dorm! Needless to say I got many a vampire joke made around me for a while, and I learned that a single bulb of garlic is a "golovka" or 'little head' in Russian. Do you have any idea how long a half kilo of fresh garlic lasts?! LOL GarlicChefCloud ------------------ Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan Storm-Queen StormCloud of the Black Knight Heart Mind Soul Forever

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