Sharing a chapter of a story I made with you

Mirac Honorguard · 09-24-2001, 03:58 PM

Well, I making a story, unfortunately for you guys and girls it's not about IW

On advice of Jerome, I posted it here, some of you can (maybe) enjoy it too this way.
I'd like to hear some comments wheter it good or bad. Just let me know (as long as you keep your comments friendly

)
I skipped the prologue, it needs some extra work.
Here goes :

Chapter 1 : The Journey begins

Mayla stood in one of the large halls of the castle. Boduka stood before her, giving her a short briefing. "You must be very aware, you can never let your guard down, now that we know that the Akomda's are set loose on the land." He spoke very nervously but went on "Certainly now that Irindu has probably allied with them." "yes master Boduka, but why are you so nervous about?" "Irindu was my tutor, I'm not sure if I tought you the same way he tought me, if so, he will see through your tactics, that's why you should figure out a backup plan for battle, else he should know when and how he should strike. You should most certainly make use of the new spells available to you." Boduka said with a grim warded face. "yes, that certainly is a good idea, I will take what I need ". Then Mayla headed off to the teleporter went to the Stables. When she arrived, Kardrat stood waiting, anxiously , together with Yessep. Their horses were already saddled. "At last, you are here, if you want to get to the High towers in time you should make haste for we had word that the magic council could only keep the portal open for about a month because of the increasing growth of evil" Karadrat said stern though kind. "Hello, ...Yessep wasn't it??" Mayla asked in a kind tone "Yes milady" Yessep answered. "Well, since you're going to travel with Kardrat and me, you may call me Mayla" "Then Kardrat stepped over to Mayla grabbing her arm. "Who decided that Yessep could travel with us ? Wasn't that training not enough for him to travel alone?" "What are you complaining about? The King has personally informed me about this. Jeholr said that one of his visions revealed that Yessep played a major role in the search of Irindu

------------------
There's something in your eyes, ah no, I see now, it's the reflection of my deadly gaze - Mirac Honorguard
(Necromancer)

http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/mirac

Beaumanoir · 09-24-2001, 04:00 PM

*clap*

Thats Good, Keep It Going!

------------------
[move]

[/move]

Free Your Soul... Then Give It To Me

The Clan HADB Cleric Of Sephiroth + Jenova

Mirac Honorguard · 09-24-2001, 05:42 PM

Well thanks Beaumanoir, it's kinda bummer nobody else gives comment

------------------
There's something in your eyes, ah no, I see now, it's the reflection of my deadly gaze - Mirac Honorguard
(Necromancer)

http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/mirac

[This message has been edited by Mirac Honorguard (edited 09-25-2001).]

AzureWolf · 09-25-2001, 03:24 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mirac Honorguard:
Well thanks Beaumanoir, it's kinda bummer nobody else gives comment

Im not an expert so the only things i can say is paragraph it since when someone speaks it is generally meant to go on a new line i think. And also you should try and put some more descriptive words in there like what they are doing when they are talking like wringing their hands together nervously kind of thing. Other than that great

And just remember that getting replies to stories is usually hard and takes awhile.

------------------

"I was born of darkness. My fathers eyes closed before mine opened. I am not of this world or the other, and I have the right to be what I am..."

Mirac Honorguard · 09-25-2001, 03:30 AM

Thanks for the comment, I'll keep it in mind as I try to finish the story

------------------
There's something in your eyes, ah no, I see now, it's the reflection of my deadly gaze - Mirac Honorguard
(Necromancer)

http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/mirac
Fellow Table Dancer of the Jerome's Table dancer group

Ladyzekke · 09-25-2001, 03:42 PM

Sounds like a good start to your story Mirac!

Maybe next edition could you describe some of the people and creatures so we know what/who they are? I'm interested to know!! Keep going!!

------------------

DragonMage · 09-25-2001, 04:15 PM

Yes, very good start my dear. Keep going!

------------------

The day we stop learning is the day we start dying!(c)

Owner/operator of the Evil Petting Zoo and devout member of the HADB clan.
Commander of the Dragon Fleet, IW Peacekeeping Force
Mage extraordinair.
Occasional subjugate to Gwhanos the Fluffy

Hopeless Romantic *sigh*

"Allright! We'll call it a draw."

Kaz · 09-25-2001, 04:29 PM

Very good! Maybe sometime I'll get the courage to post a story here too...

------------------

Kazara

Sapphire Dragoness of ALSB
Waitress at Cloudy's Cafe

Jerome · 09-25-2001, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Kaz:
Very good! Maybe sometime I'll get the courage to post a story here too...

Please do! I'd like to read it for a start, and every comment i've seen on all us who posted stories threads have been supportive and helpful.

In conclusion....POST IT DAMMIT!

------------------

Within the jungle of my deepest emotion,
With a coat resplendant in a golden sheen,
Swiftly hunting my tender love,
Stalks the regal, Feline Queen

DragonMage · 09-25-2001, 04:37 PM

Yes, Kaz. You've already posted a very intriguing poem (which I am still pondering). Post your story!

------------------

The day we stop learning is the day we start dying!(c)

Owner/operator of the Evil Petting Zoo and devout member of the HADB clan.
Commander of the Dragon Fleet, IW Peacekeeping Force
Mage extraordinair.
Occasional minion to Gwhanos the Fluffy

Hopeless Romantic *sigh*

"Allright! We'll call it a draw."

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09-24-2001, 03:58 PM	#1
Mirac Honorguard Red Wizard of Thay Join Date: August 21, 2001 Location: Limburg, Netherlands, Europe Age: 42 Posts: 894	Well, I making a story, unfortunately for you guys and girls it's not about IW On advice of Jerome, I posted it here, some of you can (maybe) enjoy it too this way. I'd like to hear some comments wheter it good or bad. Just let me know (as long as you keep your comments friendly ) I skipped the prologue, it needs some extra work. Here goes : Chapter 1 : The Journey begins Mayla stood in one of the large halls of the castle. Boduka stood before her, giving her a short briefing. "You must be very aware, you can never let your guard down, now that we know that the Akomda's are set loose on the land." He spoke very nervously but went on "Certainly now that Irindu has probably allied with them." "yes master Boduka, but why are you so nervous about?" "Irindu was my tutor, I'm not sure if I tought you the same way he tought me, if so, he will see through your tactics, that's why you should figure out a backup plan for battle, else he should know when and how he should strike. You should most certainly make use of the new spells available to you." Boduka said with a grim warded face. "yes, that certainly is a good idea, I will take what I need ". Then Mayla headed off to the teleporter went to the Stables. When she arrived, Kardrat stood waiting, anxiously , together with Yessep. Their horses were already saddled. "At last, you are here, if you want to get to the High towers in time you should make haste for we had word that the magic council could only keep the portal open for about a month because of the increasing growth of evil" Karadrat said stern though kind. "Hello, ...Yessep wasn't it??" Mayla asked in a kind tone "Yes milady" Yessep answered. "Well, since you're going to travel with Kardrat and me, you may call me Mayla" "Then Kardrat stepped over to Mayla grabbing her arm. "Who decided that Yessep could travel with us ? Wasn't that training not enough for him to travel alone?" "What are you complaining about? The King has personally informed me about this. Jeholr said that one of his visions revealed that Yessep played a major role in the search of Irindu ------------------ There's something in your eyes, ah no, I see now, it's the reflection of my deadly gaze - Mirac Honorguard (Necromancer) http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/mirac

09-24-2001, 04:00 PM	#2
Beaumanoir Iron Throne Cult Join Date: June 3, 2001 Location: There is no IRL, Only AFK. Age: 35 Posts: 4,896	clap Thats Good, Keep It Going! ------------------ [move] [/move] *Free Your Soul... Then Give It To Me* *The Clan HADB Cleric Of Sephiroth + Jenova*

09-24-2001, 05:42 PM	#3
Mirac Honorguard Red Wizard of Thay Join Date: August 21, 2001 Location: Limburg, Netherlands, Europe Age: 42 Posts: 894	Well thanks Beaumanoir, it's kinda bummer nobody else gives comment ------------------ There's something in your eyes, ah no, I see now, it's the reflection of my deadly gaze - Mirac Honorguard (Necromancer) http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/mirac [This message has been edited by Mirac Honorguard (edited 09-25-2001).]

09-25-2001, 03:30 AM	#5
Mirac Honorguard Red Wizard of Thay Join Date: August 21, 2001 Location: Limburg, Netherlands, Europe Age: 42 Posts: 894	Thanks for the comment, I'll keep it in mind as I try to finish the story ------------------ There's something in your eyes, ah no, I see now, it's the reflection of my deadly gaze - Mirac Honorguard (Necromancer) http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/mirac Fellow Table Dancer of the Jerome's Table dancer group

09-25-2001, 03:42 PM	#6
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 57 Posts: 9,005	Sounds like a good start to your story Mirac! Maybe next edition could you describe some of the people and creatures so we know what/who they are? I'm interested to know!! Keep going!! ------------------

09-25-2001, 04:15 PM	#7
DragonMage 20th Level Warrior Join Date: September 6, 2001 Location: The lighter side of life, a.k.a. Newnan, Georgia Age: 55 Posts: 2,767	Yes, very good start my dear. Keep going! ------------------ The day we stop learning is the day we start dying!(c) Owner/operator of the Evil Petting Zoo and devout member of the HADB clan. Commander of the Dragon Fleet, IW Peacekeeping Force Mage extraordinair. Occasional subjugate to Gwhanos the Fluffy Hopeless Romantic sigh "Allright! We'll call it a draw."

09-25-2001, 04:29 PM	#8
Kaz Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom Join Date: August 16, 2001 Location: UK Posts: 2,891	Very good! Maybe sometime I'll get the courage to post a story here too... ------------------ Kazara Sapphire Dragoness of ALSB Waitress at Cloudy's Cafe

09-25-2001, 04:37 PM	#10
DragonMage 20th Level Warrior Join Date: September 6, 2001 Location: The lighter side of life, a.k.a. Newnan, Georgia Age: 55 Posts: 2,767	Yes, Kaz. You've already posted a very intriguing poem (which I am still pondering). Post your story! ------------------ The day we stop learning is the day we start dying!(c) Owner/operator of the Evil Petting Zoo and devout member of the HADB clan. Commander of the Dragon Fleet, IW Peacekeeping Force Mage extraordinair. Occasional minion to Gwhanos the Fluffy Hopeless Romantic sigh "Allright! We'll call it a draw."

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