A daily laugh !

[Melusine]

This is a small selection of what I reaped after 2 mins searching with Yahoo

Q What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A lucky blonde
Q What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A pregnant blonde
Q What did the blondes left leg say to the right leg? A Nothing. They never met.
Q How can you make a blondes eyes light up? A Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer? A If you find whiteout on the screen.
Q What do you call a dumb blonde with a dollar on her head? A All you can eat under a buck
Q How does a dumb blonde turn on the lights after having sex? A Opens the car door
Q Why do dumb blondes laugh on Saturdays? A Because you told them a joke on Wenesday
Q How do you drown a dumb blond? A Place a sratch'n'sniff at the pool's bottom
Q What's 1 mile long and has a 40 IQ? A A dumb blondes fashion show.
Q What is the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? A When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
Q Why don't blondes make kool-aid? A They can't fit all the water in that tiny little packet.
Q What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common? A You always hear about them but you never encounter any.
Q How do you drown a blonde? A Put a scratch'n'sniff sticker at the bottom of her pool.
Q What do blondes say after sex? A "Are all you guys on the same team?"
Q What's the difference between a blonde and a lightbulb? A You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Q What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette? A Artificial intelligence.
Q How do you know when a blonde has used your computer? A There's white-out on the screen.
Q What does a blonde do first thing in the morning? A Introduces herself and goes home.
Q What did the blonde mom say before her blonde daughter's first date? A "If you're not in bed by ten, come home."
Q What did the blonde say when her doctor told her she was pregnant? A "Is it mine?"
Q What goes vrrroom -- screech, vrrroom -- screech, vrrroom -- screech? A A blonde at a flashing red light.
Q What happened to the blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a bus? A She burned her lips on the exhaust pipe.
Q Why can't blondes dial 911? A They can't find the "eleven" button.
Q What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal works? A "Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no..."
Q What do you call a skeleton in a closet? A Winner of an all-blonde hide'n'seek game.
Q Why are blonde jokes so short? A So men can remember them.
Q How do you change a blonde's mind? A Blow in her ear.
Q How can you tell which blonde is the waitress ? A She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
Q What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ? A "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
Q Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes ? A Toes Go In First.
Q Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts ? A Tits Go In Front.
Q What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side ? A An interpreter.
Q What do you call a blonde between two brunettes ? A A mental block.

[Xanthul]

ROTFLMAO Melusine !!!!!

Why do blondes have 1 more neuron than cows ?? So that they dont do MOO when you touch her tits...

[Xanthul]

I forgot

Why do blondes have 1 more neuron than horses ?? So that they dont make shit in proccesions

Q)Why is there no school to teach for-play?
A)Because men would go stright to the finial exam.

[Vicotnik]

One Sunday morning, William burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan."

After dinner, William's dad took him aside. "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married for thirty years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

William was heartbroken. After 8 months, he eventually started dating girls again. A year later, he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June."

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half-sister too, William. I'm awfully sorry about this."

William was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news.

"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."

His mother just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father."

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funny
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Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky. When his father got home, he explained that the chicken has died and his legs were pointed up to Jesus in heaven.

They buried the chicken and that was that. Two weeks later his dad came home from work and David ran up to him yelling, "Daddy, Daddy, we nearly lost Mommy today."

"What?" his father replied.

"When I got home from school, Mommy was laying on the bed with her legs pointing up in the air yelling, 'Jesus, I'm coming, Jesus I'm coming.' If it wasn't for Uncle Terry holding her down we would have lost her for sure!"

Four blondes were driving to Disneyland and they saw a sign that said "Disneyland left", so they turned around and went home.

[Melusine]

Vicotnik LMAO!!!
Ertai yeah i forgot the one about the cow (its hilarious)
but the one about the horse i didnt know

[Vicotnik]

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed by stupidity, here are some actual label instructions found on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special.)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

On a Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion.)

On Tesco's tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of box): Do not turn upside-down.

On Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's children's cough medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."

On an American Airlines packet of peanuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

[Vicotnik]

A blonde decides to try horseback riding even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when ... the Wal-Mart manager runs over to shut off the horse.



A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.

The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump."The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.

The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde.

"I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."

[Moridin]

Why I failed my English Exam!

There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple....english muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a quineapig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
Why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural or tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitartian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
How can weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible.
Why, when I wind up my watch I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?