My fictionpress story (Chapter 3 - Part 1 added on 21/11)

dplax · 11-06-2004, 06:35 PM

I have been thinking for a long time about writing my own story and basically I started today. I managed to write quite a lot and have gotten the prologue together. Basically it is going to be a sort of hybryd science-fiction/fantasy story, although science-fiction shall probably be more dominant.

What has been done so far:

Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2 - Part 1
Chapter 2 - Part 2
Chapter 3 - Part 1

[ 11-21-2004, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: dplax ]

Bozos of Bones · 11-06-2004, 07:43 PM

Ruling so far. Eager for more!

RoSs_bg2_rox · 11-06-2004, 08:14 PM

Looking good, and I'm also ready for more, just one thing.

"It was a windy day and the nearness of the road to the desert showed it."

There is something about that, it just doesn't sound proper and fit in with your writing style, if I were you I would consider rephrasing it.

Maybe something like:
"it was a windy day and the closeness of the road and/with the desert showed it"

dplax · 11-07-2004, 05:29 AM

Thanks for the reviews. I'll change that structure then Ross.

dplax · 11-07-2004, 07:54 AM

Chapter 1 has been added! Thanks to Ross for proofreading it. It can be found here.

And a thank you also goes out to Bozos for helping with some of the technological stuff.

[ 11-07-2004, 07:56 AM: Message edited by: dplax ]

RoSs_bg2_rox · 11-07-2004, 08:19 AM

You're welcome from my part. I am eagerly awaiting chapter 2, and will be happy to proofread that too. [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

Bozos of Bones · 11-07-2004, 08:23 AM

Hey, I've already got all the thanks I need with blowing up Earth.

Just read CHapter 1. Still eager for more.

Xen · 11-07-2004, 01:13 PM

The story rocks dplax. [img]smile.gif[/img] I want more, more. [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

dplax · 11-07-2004, 01:21 PM

What was your favourite part of the story so far everyone?

RoSs_bg2_rox · 11-07-2004, 01:41 PM

Well I loved the bit where there was the meeting between the mage's guild and the cultist guild represantant. It must have been the best bit there.

What do you think Xen? Bozos?

11-06-2004, 06:35 PM	#1
dplax Jack Burton Join Date: July 19, 2003 Location: an expat living in France Age: 38 Posts: 5,577	I have been thinking for a long time about writing my own story and basically I started today. I managed to write quite a lot and have gotten the prologue together. Basically it is going to be a sort of hybryd science-fiction/fantasy story, although science-fiction shall probably be more dominant. What has been done so far: Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 - Part 1 Chapter 2 - Part 2 Chapter 3 - Part 1 [ 11-21-2004, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: dplax ] __________________

11-06-2004, 07:43 PM	#2
Bozos of Bones Apophis Join Date: July 29, 2003 Location: The Underdark cavern of Zagreb Age: 37 Posts: 4,679	Ruling so far. Eager for more! __________________ MAKE LOVE, NOT SPAM!

11-06-2004, 08:14 PM	#3
RoSs_bg2_rox Zartan Join Date: May 20, 2003 Location: Near Aberdeen, Scotland Age: 34 Posts: 5,225	Looking good, and I'm also ready for more, just one thing. "It was a windy day and the nearness of the road to the desert showed it." There is something about that, it just doesn't sound proper and fit in with your writing style, if I were you I would consider rephrasing it. Maybe something like: "it was a windy day and the closeness of the road and/with the desert showed it" __________________ [img]\"http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/ladyzekke/dragonwater2.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

11-07-2004, 05:29 AM	#4
dplax Jack Burton Join Date: July 19, 2003 Location: an expat living in France Age: 38 Posts: 5,577	Thanks for the reviews. I'll change that structure then Ross. __________________

11-07-2004, 07:54 AM	#5
dplax Jack Burton Join Date: July 19, 2003 Location: an expat living in France Age: 38 Posts: 5,577	Chapter 1 has been added! Thanks to Ross for proofreading it. It can be found here. And a thank you also goes out to Bozos for helping with some of the technological stuff. [ 11-07-2004, 07:56 AM: Message edited by: dplax ] __________________

11-07-2004, 08:19 AM	#6
RoSs_bg2_rox Zartan Join Date: May 20, 2003 Location: Near Aberdeen, Scotland Age: 34 Posts: 5,225	You're welcome from my part. I am eagerly awaiting chapter 2, and will be happy to proofread that too. [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] __________________ [img]\"http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/ladyzekke/dragonwater2.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

11-07-2004, 08:23 AM	#7
Bozos of Bones Apophis Join Date: July 29, 2003 Location: The Underdark cavern of Zagreb Age: 37 Posts: 4,679	Hey, I've already got all the thanks I need with blowing up Earth. Just read CHapter 1. Still eager for more. __________________ MAKE LOVE, NOT SPAM!

11-07-2004, 01:13 PM	#8
Xen Symbol of Moradin Join Date: June 5, 2002 Location: Slovenia,Ljubljana Age: 36 Posts: 8,554	The story rocks dplax. [img]smile.gif[/img] I want more, more. [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

11-07-2004, 01:21 PM	#9
dplax Jack Burton Join Date: July 19, 2003 Location: an expat living in France Age: 38 Posts: 5,577	What was your favourite part of the story so far everyone? __________________

11-07-2004, 01:41 PM	#10
RoSs_bg2_rox Zartan Join Date: May 20, 2003 Location: Near Aberdeen, Scotland Age: 34 Posts: 5,225	Well I loved the bit where there was the meeting between the mage's guild and the cultist guild represantant. It must have been the best bit there. What do you think Xen? Bozos? __________________ [img]\"http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/ladyzekke/dragonwater2.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

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