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Old 01-26-2004, 09:58 AM   #1
Donut
Jack Burton
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Airstrip One
Age: 39
Posts: 5,571
And congratulations on your Golden Globes. First Briton to win a comedy award and he first British sitcom to win the best Comedy prize.

I'm suprised The Office is on US screens at all, there is no 'feel good' factor in it. David Brent is totally unlikeable. Personally I find the whole thing excruciatingly painful to watch. When I do watch I have to do it in 10/15 minute segments (usually with a cushion over my face). Perhaps I see too much of my own management style in him.

It's still bloody funny though, if you haven't discovered it yet you really should!

David Brent's Office Wisdom

1. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
3. There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.
4. Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.
5. Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
6. Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility tomorrow.
7. Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think.
8. Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!
9. Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.
10. It's the team that matters. Where would The Beatles be without Ringo? If John got Yoko to play drums the history of music would be completely different.
11. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.
12. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
13. Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.
14. If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
15. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
16. You don't have to be mad to work here! In fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.
17. If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.
18. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
19. You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.
20. If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
21. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
22. There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.
23. Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.
24. Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.
25. Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.
26. If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.
27. Remember the 3 golden rules:
1. It was like that when I got here.
2. I didn't do it.
3. (To your Boss) I like your style.
28. The office is like an army, and I'm the field general. You're my foot soldiers and customer quality is the WAR!!!
29. Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario.
30. Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.
31. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else's?
32. Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?....
33. You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!!
34. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.
35. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them
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Old 01-26-2004, 10:17 AM   #2
Donut
Jack Burton
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
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Posts: 5,571
“It’s like an alarm clock’s gone off, and I’ve just got to get away. I think it was John Lennon who said: “Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.”, and that’s how I feel. Although he also said: “I am the Walrus I am the eggman” so I don’t know what to believe.”
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Old 01-26-2004, 03:43 PM   #3
Aelia Jusa
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Join Date: August 23, 2001
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Age: 42
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I was so pleased when I saw this! I was surprised too, although bear in mind that the awards are voted for by the foreign press . I'm always torn between laughing so hard, and cringeing. LOL the christmas special was a case in point - we laughed and laughed at the beginning 'I am not a plonker', but by the end, we didn't know where to look.

Two Golden Globes - this was the real quiz!
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Old 01-26-2004, 04:17 PM   #4
Vaskez
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Join Date: April 30, 2001
Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now)
Posts: 5,089
Quote:
Originally posted by Donut:

35. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them
GENIUS! LOL!
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Old 01-27-2004, 07:22 AM   #5
Donut
Jack Burton
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Airstrip One
Age: 39
Posts: 5,571
Quote:
Originally posted by Aelia Jusa:
I was so pleased when I saw this! I was surprised too, although bear in mind that the awards are voted for by the foreign press . I'm always torn between laughing so hard, and cringeing. LOL the christmas special was a case in point - we laughed and laughed at the beginning 'I am not a plonker', but by the end, we didn't know where to look.

Two Golden Globes - this was the real quiz!
I just couldn't watch it until the end AJ. It's too painful!
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Old 01-27-2004, 07:52 AM   #6
wellard
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Join Date: November 1, 2002
Location: Australia ..... G\'day!
Posts: 6,123
Quote:
Originally posted by Vaskez:
quote:
Originally posted by Donut:

35. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them
GENIUS! LOL! [/QUOTE]I thought this was the funniest too

Ok i'm now going to have to watch the "office" If it's as good as "drop the dead donkey" i will become a fan.
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Old 01-27-2004, 04:54 PM   #7
Davros
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Join Date: January 7, 2001
Location: Mandurah, West Australia
Age: 60
Posts: 5,073
I had to give a speech at the office last week for a guy in my group that was retiring after 23 years. I got the outline of my speech all worked out, then all I could think of was The Office and how the "other Dave's" speeches and jokes were such "successes" . Had me searching the material worrying if any of it had that special "cringe factor" - talk about having negative examples running through the mind in the lead-up [img]smile.gif[/img] . Fortunately all went well - at least I think it did, well I hope it did .
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