Vicotnik's chamber of laughter

[Vicotnik]

Maria is a devoted religious girl. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies.

At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At least they're finally together."

A guy sitting in the front row says, "Excuse me, father, but you do mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?"

The priest says, "I mean her legs."


------------------
Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

[Vicotnik]

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in and animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I coma one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi.'


------------------
Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

[Black Knight]

________
Eckankar dicussion

[Vicotnik]

A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a five-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works.

"We have five floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

They start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men here have it short and thin." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads, "All the men here have it long and thin." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor, where the sign reads, "All the men here have it short and thick." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here have it long and thick." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

On the fifth floor, they find a sign that reads, "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

not my joke ladies!

------------------
Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

[Vicotnik]

A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife. The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride.

His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was well even if he was quick to get out of the saddle.

Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing, the man visited the doctor to get some advice.

"Doctor, I can't seem to hold back for very long when I make love to my young wife and I can't satisfy her. What can I do?" he asked.

The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a professional manner, "Try a bit of self-stimulation before having intercourse with your wife and you'll find that you'll last longer and ultimately satisfy her."

"Okay, Doctor. If you think that will help," the man said.

Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let him know that she would be attacking him at the front door when he arrived home. "Be prepared, my darling. I'm going to ravish you," she cooed over the phone.

Undaunted, the man decided to follow the doctor's advice. But where? In the office? The Xerox room? What if someone walked in on him?

He got in his truck and began the journey home. Soon, he decided he would find a spot on the road to pull over, climb underneath the truck and pretend to be inspecting the rear axle, and do the deed there.

A moment later, he pulled over, crawled beneath the truck, closed his eyes tightly, fantasized about his young wife, and began his "therapy."

A few minutes later, just as he was about to complete his therapy session, he felt someone tugging on his pants leg. Keeping his eyes tightly shut to avoid ruining the fantasy he was enjoying, he said, "Yes?"

"Sir, I'm with the police department. Could you tell me what you are doing, please?" said the officer.

"Yes, officer, I'm inspecting my truck's rear axle," he replied confidently.

"Well, why don't you check the brakes while you're down there. Your truck rolled down the hill a few minutes ago," the officer said.


------------------
Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

[Vicotnik]

Time for another funny:
The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stressed the importance of it, letting his students know that no excuses would be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or death in the immediate family (with a note from that member). A smart-ass student piped up, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?"

The class broke up laughing, and when they settled down the teachers responded, "Well, then I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand!"


------------------
Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

[Cloudbringer]

Er...just stopped by to say hello... my my my (chuckle) you've been busy typing Vicotnik!

StormQueen

[This message has been edited by Cloudbringer (edited 03-04-2001).]

[Black Knight]

Some times it is nice to be Ambidextrious, huh.

BK
________
MERCEDES-BENZ 220

[Vicotnik]

I probably should stop, my doctor says I have the wrists of an eighty year old!

------------------
Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

[Ladyzekke]

OMG Vicotnik! Dying of laughter over here!!!!
rear axle joke - what a mental picture!

Keep em coming! err, Keep it up! err, nevermind...

------------------