Ending it all

[AliCat]

I think that one thing that stopped me was knowing that virtually any method I could think of was not foolproof, and living with a failed suicide could be hell, both in the blot that will be evermore on your records if you have to have medical attention (and trust me, doctors will not treat you exactly the same as a patient with no mental health record -- I work in a hospital and have heard orthopedic docs saying how they weren't comfortable working with patients with prior diagnosis of depression), and in whatever physical effects the failed suicide may result in (ie, paralysis, brain damage, and so forth). And never believe that a sealed record is sealed. Not these days.

I won't tell you that it will get better, because sometimes it doesn't. I would suggest, if this goes on too long and is unbearable, seek either verbal counseling or medication, as it could be as simple as a chemical imbalance in your brain or body, and it's stupid to suffer for something like that. Also, the more ties of love you forge in this world, the easier it is to resist those times of despair that drag you into that dark pit.

As for religion, it's a true help to the believer. For the agnostic or atheist, the leap of faith doesn't usually happen at this point, because the faith is soooooo intangible. Furthermore, the threat of hell doesn't phase a person who doesn't believe in it, or believes that hell is on earth and he is in it right now already.

Find that still place where your soul is happy or where it is nurtured, and go there, whether it's music, or meditation, or writing or reading poetry. You need that in any case -- go there often, and replenish.

[ 06-13-2002, 07:51 PM: Message edited by: AliCat ]

[Yorick]

I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. Prayed for the strength to face each new day, and spoke to myself words encouraging myself to hang in there and just keep surviving.

Then things turned around for me and got unbelievably better.

Later on, I found the movie Castaway was a brilliant take on that very philosophy. It brought me to gut wrenching tears of recognition, when he mentioned to his friend that's how he survived on the island - and got back - and that's how he was going to survive his later predicament.

Just keep breathing. Things will only get better.

[ 06-13-2002, 10:02 PM: Message edited by: Yorick ]

[Cloudbringer]

Originally posted by *\Conan/*: Unfurtunatly ending it all is like the number 2 cause of death in teenagers. So those of you who may be reading this thread and feel like no one understands, your all alone, you have no one to turn to... its completely wrong and a lie. Talking about it and expressing your feelings you would be surprised at how much people have to offer. As a parent of 2 teenage daughters (bet you guys didn't know this ) I asure you mood swings and depression will pop up sometime along the way. Its not wrong to feel this way, and veiwing the statistics on this subject Many people feel this one time or another. Its how you act on these feelings is what is important because as they will come, sooner or later. When I am feeling a bit depressed and get a useless feeling about myself or mistakes Ive made along the way I listen to upbeat music to start with. Try a little dancing and bust a few moves in the mirror [img]smile.gif[/img] . Call a friend talk about whatever is eating at you. Excercise is great also.. and if you feel so inclined, wear your heart out on your sleeve. My friends and family seem to pick up body signs and always step in and cheer me up somehow. I dont get depressed very often but it does creep up on the best of us for one reason or another. One time I was depressed for months but and did all the things I wrote and I also tried my hardest to draw closer to God and figure out what went wrong. I dont like to talk about it to much but if this post has even the slightest chance of helping someone that feels like I did at one time, I won't hesitate to post it. My first marriage ended in divorce. I was married for 11 years, 2 girls and I thought everything was good, until I caught her lying and cheating on me. I imediately started sleeping in another room and it took 3 months of scraping up money so I could get my own place to live. The girls were in school and had good friendships around there so what else could I do. I tried getting them in court but unfurtanetly its VERY hard for a father to do this. I lost everything because of this. Everything I worked so hard for was now my ex's and not only that I was dragged into court and nailed with a huge child support payment on top of this. The kicker is when I moved into a basement of exile the guy moved right into my house the day after, eating my food, sleeping in my bed, and bearing gifts for my girls!!! That was a huge turning point in my life. Filled with every kind of emotion you could imagine -- I stayed cool, went to work, and got back to my mole hole and went to sleep at 8:00 every night just wanting to put time behind this. Half my salary going out to this ****, no car, no phone and sometimes 25$ to live on during the week because I got stuck with paying off thousands in debt. Good time to end it all I ask you..? NO WAY!!! A peace which I cannot describe filled me with hope and renewed life. I did struggle for that year but it was a year I started from scratch and looked beyond the circumstances. Life became fun again and now---I kid you not Ive been given 100 times more then what I had then. I know excatly where to turn now when that old feeling comes around. Whoever you are out there, don't do it. There's something great waiting for you -so turn your eyes and heart above. -Scott

Scott, this is just beautiful! [img]smile.gif[/img] I'm in awe of your determination! You did good and I bet those girls of yours are glad to have a dad like you. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Amber

[The Hierophant]

It's amazing that so many of you have opened up and offered real thoughts of encouragment. And I know sharing your own experiences of these kind is a hard thing to do, especially to a total stranger. It is somewhat theraputic though I must say [img]smile.gif[/img] I thank you all for your posts, they have been wonderful to see.
Where I live the consensus is mainly "Geeze, just get over it loser". Probably why our country has by far the highest youth suicide rate per capita in the world. In my high school of 800 students 5 committed suicide in one year alone. Two were classmates. Only now is depression and suicide starting to lose it's tabboo status in NZ.
I know it wasn't particularly fair of me to try and insinuate my burdens onto all of you. But thank you for your posts. It's good to know that some people *do* care about people.
Keep on truckin' [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Yorick]

Originally posted by *\Conan/*: One time I was depressed for months but and did all the things I wrote and I also tried my hardest to draw closer to God and figure out what went wrong. I dont like to talk about it to much but if this post has even the slightest chance of helping someone that feels like I did at one time, I won't hesitate to post it. My first marriage ended in divorce. I was married for 11 years, 2 girls and I thought everything was good, until I caught her lying and cheating on me. I imediately started sleeping in another room and it took 3 months of scraping up money so I could get my own place to live. The girls were in school and had good friendships around there so what else could I do. I tried getting them in court but unfurtanetly its VERY hard for a father to do this. I lost everything because of this. Everything I worked so hard for was now my ex's and not only that I was dragged into court and nailed with a huge child support payment on top of this. The kicker is when I moved into a basement of exile the guy moved right into my house the day after, eating my food, sleeping in my bed, and bearing gifts for my girls!!! That was a huge turning point in my life. Filled with every kind of emotion you could imagine -- I stayed cool, went to work, and got back to my mole hole and went to sleep at 8:00 every night just wanting to put time behind this. Half my salary going out to this ****, no car, no phone and sometimes 25$ to live on during the week because I got stuck with paying off thousands in debt. Good time to end it all I ask you..? NO WAY!!! A peace which I cannot describe filled me with hope and renewed life. I did struggle for that year but it was a year I started from scratch and looked beyond the circumstances. Life became fun again and now---I kid you not Ive been given 100 times more then what I had then. I know excatly where to turn now when that old feeling comes around. Whoever you are out there, don't do it. There's something great waiting for you -so turn your eyes and heart above. -Scott

Scott, as Amber said this is an inspiring post. You are amazing.
As you know I'm also divorced. Mine was very, very problematic.
I don't want to go into it. but I wanted to say you are an inspiration. You inspired me.

I'm praying for you, and want you to know you are a champion.

I don't believe in suicide.
You might have to come back and you've already made it this far so why risk being put in a worse situation than what you're in?
Besides what if you fail, what have you got to show for it...scars? trauma? brain damage and the inability to take care of yourself anymore?

When I am so down that life just completely sux no matter which way I look at it, I make a list of all the things that have me down and then fix the things that I can and let go of the things I can't.

I do things that I know I enjoy doing no matter how much I may not want to do anything because I know it will do me good. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to just because it is what is best for you.
Eventually everything starts looking OK again and I wonder how I saw it as so messed up to begin with. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[The Hierophant]

*\Conan/* - You are obviously a man of exceptional strength and fortitude to go through such trials and still come out on your feet, and even stronger to tell it all over again. A lesser man would have crumpled under such adversity. My hat goes off, you're a stronger man than I am. But your strength does inspire, I'm glad that you chose to share your story. Thank you.

[Animal]

Look man, I don't mean to sound harsh but... what is your problem? Suicide is never and I mean NEVER an option no matter who bad your life is going. Suicide is the easy way out for you. Take into account the people around you and how they would feel.

My life hasn't been a bed of roses, let me tell you. I was kicked out of the house at 15, shot in the back and neck at 19 causing two years of hospitilization and rehab, married at 25, widowed at 27 with a six month old daughter. The pain from my back can be intollerable sometimes. I have four screws and two pins in my back and two screws in my neck to put my spine back together.

Through all of that I managed to put myself through univesity with a Bachelors Degree while working and raising a child by myself so if you think my life has been easy think again, but taking your own life is the easy way out. Fight my friend. Life is worth living for the future as the future hasn't been written. Your life is what you make of it, so look to the future and what you can accomplish and what you can be, not where you are now.

Like a said before, I don't want to come accross as uncaring, but suicide is crap. Look at all the posts in response to your thread. People care. DON'T DO IT!

[The Hunter of Jahanna]

As far as I am concerned , while suicide isnt for me, I dont feel I should have to talk someone else out of it. If you are gonna do yourself in then dont just talk about it , DO IT !! If you want to die then I will lend you my pistol. Just be sure not to miss because I am only giving you 1 bullet. Crys for attention just irritate me.If mommy doesnt pay enough attention to you or Jimmy the football star wont date you , too bad , get over it!! Life is rarely fair. If you are weak enough to want to kill yourself because of some minor problem in your life then by all means , go for it. Before people tell me that some problems arent minor , let me explain. Unless you have very terminal cancer, the ebola virus, some odd uncureable flesh eating disease, or some other kind of illness that is horribly painfull and will eventualy kill you , then your problems are minor. Breaking up with someone , getting fired, loseing your car or house, or having an unplanned pregnancy dont realy mean squat in the grand scheme of things. If you arent up to the challenge of life then maybe you should just fade away and make room for the rest of us who are. On the plus side if you kill yourself you get to choose how you go. No more leaving it up to fate and wondering if you will get hit by a bus or have a heart attack in your sleep. Just incase you were wondering if I see you out on a window ledge on some high rise I will be the guy yelling "JUMP ya big sissy!!". It isnt that I dont care about people , I just choose to care about the ones that matter.

[Leonis]

Conan, thanks for your great post!

Sorry, I must disagree with The Hunter's post though. There are many reasons people feel suicidal - most of them are not selfish or petty but real problems that the person, for some reason, can see no alternative to. That is why we have society and friends and people willing to help - it can often be easy for someone removed from the problem to offer unseen solutions.
One of the big problems we face today is the medical professions incescant 'druging away' of depression etc... while there are many real conditions where anti-depresants can be helpful, a lot of the time they are use to cover up the real issues.
I was prescribed some once and they ended up making me feel much worse. Eventually I threw them away, got more sleep and exercise, ate healthily, prayed, spoke to trusted friends and importantly - became proactive in changing my situation. This is a must - too often we sit back and think our lives suck but what can we do? Taking responsibility for what happens in our own life - ownership of our actions and choices - is exceptionally empowering.
I can't stress enough how positive it is to stop thinking like a victim of circumstance (this is not denying that many things are out of our hands though). When I surge forward and actively persue change I find I have very little time to worry or dwell on the negatives. It becomes a cycle too, you start with small goals and when you change one thing, it gives you the strength to change something slightly bigger and so on...
I hope this helps in some way. [img]smile.gif[/img]