How would you respond???

I have been majorly stabbed in the back and I’m not really sure how I should respond to my situation. I was called in to see my Human Resources department at work. I had no idea what it was for at the time, and I wasn’t worried about it because I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong. But when I got there, my manager’s boss and two HR managers were waiting for me. I sat down nervously and waited anxiously!

As it turns out, my boss has approached HR and told them something very disturbing. It seems that a colleague of mine (who I considered to be a friend) told my boss that I didn’t think that he deserved to be in his position, was overpaid, and that I really hated working underneath him. Now firstly, I never made those comments. Secondly, I don’t even think those things! I really like my boss and I think we have a good relationship. Thirdly, even if I had said those things, what the hell was my colleague telling my boss for anyway!!!!!

I was totally put on the spot, and reacted the way I think most people who care about their job, and who have obviously been stabbed in the back, would react. I cried! In front of three managers! (very embarrassing, but I couldn’t help it, I was devastated). I told them that I never said those things, that I didn’t even know how much my boss was paid (which is true), and that I could not understand why my friend would say what he did. As it turns out, they believed me! (maybe they could see how obviously shattered I was), which is why I still have my job. They were initially under the impression that I may have looked up how much my boss is paid (something I could do if I wanted to, as my job gives me access to all parts of our network.) If they found out that I did, I would have lost my job.

Anyway, this happened a few weeks ago, and my “friend” is still acting as though nothing ever happened! I’m not sure how to respond to this. Do I confront them? Do I just let it go? I’m not sure how I can ever trust them again.

What to do????

Avi.

[Downunda]

I would never consider someone that did this to me to be my friend. I would confront him to see if he has a side to his story, unless this would make life very uncomfortable for you at work. Otherwise I dunno, if you wanted to be sneaky you could let other people around the office know how low this guy can be and to maybe keep an eye out but to me he sounds like a slimey, hit below the belt type person.

JMHO [img]smile.gif[/img]

[The Hunter of Jahanna]

Definately confront them. Talk to your boss about it , then get this person and your boss and you together and ask about what happened. They will either fess up that they told the boss in wich case you can be indignant and write them off as a friend OR They will LIE to your bosses face and deny they ever said anything. Either way it clears the air and makes the back stabber look liks an A$$h01e.

[Harkoliar]

well, if i was in your position, i would have been so angry and went into a killing spree (not literally). first, just watch out for that person who you call "friend". BUT if I was in your position, i would never ever retaliate against him by also backbiting him because i would never allow myself to be stooped into his level of thinking and action. maybe he was jealous of you or wanted you out of the job. but just take care and confide these things to your true friends whom you really trust. that is my two cents...

[DeSoya]

What a lamer.
I would recommend talking to this person. If all else fails seek mediation. There should be some form of it in your community. At the very least it would show your superiors that you are interested in clearing this up and keeping your job. Especially if you got your manager involved.
Good Luck. I hope everything turns out in your favor.

DeSoya

[sageridder]

Nothing.If this person did this why give away the advantage of them not knowing you know?Just watch what you say and don't let on or they might try harder next time to implcate you in some bs.I gotta say your hr dept. is pretty weak.They bring you in on hearsay,didn't try to verify anything (heck what if at some point just out of curisity you did look up his salary it still wouldn't have made those statments true damn scary imho) untill you denied it,they told you the person who made the complaint, it would also seem crazy for any buisness to fire everyone who said thier boss sucks who would be left.It would seem that neither your boss or coworker is on your side.Is there a promotion coming up or does you coworker want your job?Heck if this is completely out of left field is it possible it was some kind of sick and twisted test to see how you handle a nightmare situation?I ask that because I once had a new dept. head come into place that basicly said I didn't know what I was doing,when the next day after I had calmed down enough to approach him he told me it was a test and he now respected me more and that it was also to try and encourage some of the other supervisors in the meeting.Bizzar person I don't agree with his methods but these kind of idots are out there.If you make a stink about it,I could only foresee it making things more hostile.You know where this guy stands why tip your hand?

[Earthdog]

In a word: NO. You cant ever trust them again.

Dont even attempt to trust that person again. CUT THEM OFF. Only speak to them on a professional basis. Even then make it AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE. Never ever let that person back into your life on a friendly basis. Theres an old expression " Screw me once shame on you. Screw me twice shame on me." If you let this person back into your life and you get burned again... its nobodys fault but yours.

Personally, I think you should consider a lawsuit. Slander is serious business. If you HAD lost your job youd also be sueing for lost wages until RETIREMENT AGE. Im guessing that be another thirty odd years worth.

You could confront them but I dont know if THEY know the boss told you who gave him the info on what you said. Maybe the boss wasnt supposed to tell you who ratted on you.

My tactics would be a little more devious. Ok screw me. Get it back tenfold. Slash car tires. Break windows. Hire a couple thugs to beat the crap out of them. Or, act like nothings happened and say youll be over for beer Friday after work and when you get there and do something disgusting in the milk jug when they arent looking. GEE THIS MILK TASTES FUNNY.

Have someone break into their house and rip them off or vandalise the place. Have someone shave their dog or cat. The possibilities are endless. Use you imagination and above all dont get caught.

You may not really believe this but Im a loving helpful kind of guy. Thats why Im so rough when it comes to revenge. I dont do anything to anyone that I wouldnt want done to myself. I dont start trouble with anyone. But I seldom forgive and I never forget. Things like this I never forgive. Damn sure not from a "friend". Friend no longer. Enemy for life.

Something you might propose to your boss is the possible fact that the person who made this crap up wants YOUR job and it looks like they will try anything to get it. Thats about the only explanation to me. They were obviously trying to get rid of you. Do you earn more than this person does??? If the answer is yes than you now know the motive.

I feel for ya. Good luck in whatever path you choose to take.

[ 06-14-2002, 02:02 AM: Message edited by: Earthdog ]

Thanks for all your input so far. I should clarify that my boss definitely believes my side of the story. I went straight to his office and explained everything to my knowledge. He told me that he had found it very hard to believe in the first place, but that he still thought it should be handled by HR.

I do agree that our HR department handled this badly. Putting me on the spot like that made me very angry.

[sageridder]

Your boss still did you no favors by bring this to a hr level.Lets say he belives you and isn't now mates with said coworker. I've been playing the management game long enough to have seen the I belive you but...Not really,I can't belive this but....yes I do,or someone like your coworker sucking up enough that they now are in cohoots.Anyway even if inoscent of those, bringing it to hr put it in documentation,and left hr personal with the last time they heard your name it was attached to some kind of scandel or possible missuse of you access in the system.If your coworker is working alone (seems insane if not for wanting your job a promotion or thinks you hurt them in some way) then such a weasle would probally have spread the seeds of bs to other coworkers.making a confrontation unproductive to you as it would change things to our side vs thier side.
I say do nothing like the sword of Damiclese(sp) keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

[WOLFGIR]

What an utter and complete pissant!!!

Personally I would do nothing for awhile, pretending to like persons is nothing I am good at so that is up to you.
And trust?? Bah, never. One shot is all that it takes to spoil something, so don´t trust anyone, and never tell things you can´t say to anyones face is a very good policy.

As for your "friend", I would probably try to arrange so I could work in another group or not have to work with that person. Talk to your boss about it. Destroying trust is bad both for the company and the employers!