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Old 08-22-2004, 07:54 AM   #1
Dreamer128
Dracolisk
 

Join Date: March 21, 2001
Location: Europe
Age: 39
Posts: 6,136
Let us now return to 1977, and a squadron far, far away . . .

Bar Wars

Luke: "You fought in the clone wars?"

Ben: "I was once a Jedi Knight the same as your father."

Luke: "My father didn't fight in the wars. He was a navigator on a space freighter."

Ben: "That's what your Uncle told you. He didn't hold with your father's ideals. He thought he should stay home. Not gotten involved."

Luke: "I wish I had known him."

Ben: "He was a cunning warrior, and the best star pilot in the galaxy. I understand you've become quite a good pilot yourself. And he was a good friend. For over a thousand years the Jedi Knights protected the galaxy. Before the dark times before the Empire."

Luke: "How did my father die?"

Ben: "A young Jedi Knight named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Emperor hunt down and destroy the Jedi Knights. He betrayed and murdered your father. Vader was seduced by the Dark Side of the Force."

Luke: "The Force?"

Ben: "Yes, the Force is what gives a Jedi Knight his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us. Penetrates us. Binds the galaxy together. Which reminds me. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your Uncle wouldn't allow. He thought you'd follow Obi-Wan on some idealistic crusade."

Luke: "What is it?"

Ben: "It's a lightsaber; the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as random or clumsy as a blaster. An elegant weapon for a more civilized age."

The Interpretation:

Luke: "You were in a Harrier Squadron?"

Ben: "I was once an Attack Pilot, the same as your father."

Luke: "My father didn't belong to an Attack squadron. He was a tool, a Total Quality Management Officer on Wing Staff for four years."

Ben: "That's what your mother told you. She didn't hold with your father's ideals. She thought he should stay home. Not drink until four in the morning and sing bawdy tunes."

Luke: "I wish I had known him, when he could still drink."

Ben: "He was a cunning partier, and the best crud-player in the house. And he was a good shit. I understand you've become quite a micro-brew hound yourself. For over five years he got so curbed he could hardly make the early morning launch. Before the dark times before. . .his wife."

Luke: "How did my father become a lame ass?"

Ben: "A voluptuous young lady, who was pretty cool herself until she turned to evil; helped other women hunt down and destroy the happiness in men's lives. She civilized and murdered the warrior who was once your father. Your mother was pissed off by the dark side of Beer."

Luke: "Beer?"

Ben: [smiling] "Yes, Beer is what gives an Attack Pilot his power. It's a beverage created by hops and barley. . .and other ingredients found in bread. It is the nectar of the gods. It gives us beer goggles. And lets us yell stuff like: "Head?! Who said head? I'll take some of that!!!" in bars around the world. Which reminds me. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your Mother wouldn't allow it. She thought you'd become a beer-drinking Attack Pilot and make history instead of rolling up a fortune preying upon the helpless in a private law practice."

Luke: "What is it?"

Ben: "Your father's beer mug. The most prized possession of a true Attack Pilot. Not as random or clumsy as a shot glass. An elegant stein for a less civilized age . . . ."

For the other episodes, go to the source.

[ 08-22-2004, 07:56 AM: Message edited by: Dreamer128 ]
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Old 08-22-2004, 08:08 AM   #2
Hivetyrant
Jack Burton
 

Join Date: August 24, 2002
Location: Aussie now in the US of A!
Age: 37
Posts: 5,403
Hahahaha ROFLMAO!!! That was Hilarious [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]
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Old 08-22-2004, 08:28 AM   #3
Lavindathar
Harper
 

Join Date: March 21, 2001
Location: Lancs, England
Age: 39
Posts: 4,729
Hehehe.

Like that one!
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