Are men pigs? An article.

Sir Kenyth · 03-01-2002, 06:04 PM

Here's an interesting article in response to a letter I found.

Dear Curt,
I just ended a six-month relationship because the person whom I believed to be the man of my dreams turned out to be a cheater. At this point in my life, I have given up all hope in men.

It's unfortunate, but six out of the eight men that I've dated were unfaithful to me. I must admit that being a victim of unfaithfulness is very stressful and has caused me a lot of pain. Regrettably, I've come to the same conclusion that most women already know: men cheat because they're pigs.

Curt, are men really just evil pigs controlled by their one-eyed monsters, or is there any hope in my ever finding a man who does not cheat?

Regards,
Jennifer, the pig herder

what goes around comes around

Jennifer, I have one question for you: Have you ever tried dating women? You'd be surprised to see that the grass isn't greener on the other team's playing field. As hard as it may be for you to fathom, women cheat too. So instead of making this a gender war or comparing one another to farm animals, we should seek to understand why people cheat.

How would you feel if I told you that your man cheated on you because you are an ugly, overweight, boring, lousy lover who can't get anything right and even though your man tried to make things work, your old-fashioned, sexually stubborn self never agreed to compromise? Ouch! That sounds pretty harsh. It's just a lot easier to call a man a pig.

The same applies to men. It is a lot easier for a man to call his adulteress ex-wife a bitch, than it is to admit that maybe she cheated on him because he spent more time with his friends at strip clubs, watching sports all night, playing video games, and masturbating to pornography.

open your eyes

The problem is that sometimes people are quick to point the finger at others rather than analyze why the individual cheated. Maybe your own actions had a big role in pushing the other to the brink of temptation.

By blaming and labeling others, it inevitably hinders people from looking deeper into the problem and trying to resolve it before it recurs with another mate.

The common belief is, I'm not a bad person. I don't need to change, I'm not the one who cheated. The result is that the whole process repeats itself without being rectified, which is probably why so many men and women complain about having been cheated on in so many relationships.

So why do people cheat?

the answer is...

So if we opt to be monogamous, why do we ultimately cheat? The answer is quite simple. People do not cheat because they're pigs, sows, bitches, or dogs. It all comes down to two basic drives: the physical sexual drive and the emotional need.

People usually cheat because there is a conflict between their physical and emotional desires. By accepting and understanding these shortcomings -- instead of ignoring them -- we can hopefully work harder to make sure that our partners are satisfied enough to resist any instinctual sexual urge.

a prisoner of your instincts

The question you have to ask yourself is which drive is stronger, and which one has a bigger influence in your life. In general, each person is different, but it is generally the physical sexual drive that dominates a person's actions.

Why? Because this drive has been present in human behavior for millions of years. Whereas the emotional monogamous need has only been around for a few thousand years, obviously a few thousand years of emotional needs will not overcome millions of years of one's evolutionary sexual drive.

Throughout history, men have argued that it is in their biological nature to desire multiple partners. Over time, we have evolved towards taking a partner in order to help raise our children and enforce a set of moral codes that contradict our stronger physical needs.

Humans are not monogamous by nature and when we ultimately choose to be faithful without the right conditions in place, we are setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment.

Once we can accept that 10,000 years of social monogamous behavior cannot supersede millions of years of physical evolution, only then can we learn to work around our weaknesses.

beaver-built dams

We exist as human beings on two levels: with bodies (physical instinct) -- the stronger of the two (according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs) -- and minds (emotional needs). In order to understand how physical instincts and emotional needs interrelate, we need to make a few comparisons.

Imagine that the sexual physical instinct of a person (both men and women) is the sheer brute force of natural flowing water (one of the hardest elements to contain), and the only thing that can control it is a super dam. The dam represents the human's decision to become monogamous. It will only work if the dam's foundation is built strong enough. If there are any cracks or weaknesses, the "water" will eventual break through the "dam."

In short, humans have set very difficult (but attainable) objectives for themselves by choosing to be monogamous. Therefore, in order to contain our sexual drives, we need to ensure that the emotional support toward our lifetime partner is strong enough to keep our primitive instinctual urges from surfacing.

So what are these conditions that will keep the dam strong? In order to ensure a stable relationship, you must tend to all of the following reasons why people stray...

1. Physical Drive

No longer finding partner sexy or attractive
Try to stay in shape or at least maintain the same shape you had when you first met your partner. Working out together is a great way to spend time together while keeping each other physically fit and appealing.

Sex may be readily available with another
Do not deprive your spouse of his or her sexual needs -- even when you don't "feel like it" or have a headache.

Current partner is unavailable for sex
Try to avoid spending long periods of time away from one another. Being out of town on a business trip for a few weeks isn't so bad, but letting the few weeks become months will inevitably lead to temptation.

No sexual variety
Changing your sexual routine and ensuring an array of adventurous sexual delicacies will keep your partner wanting more and wondering what will be next, instead of thinking of someone else.

Less sex
The more sex you have and the more satisfied you are, the less likely you'll go out looking for more.

2. Emotional Needs

No longer feeling accepted, desired by another
You could be having all the sex in the world, but if you don't feel accepted, respected, desired, adored, loved, or worshipped, you will always be looking for that person who will give you all these things. And when that person comes along, you might be tempted by their warm, fuzzy fruit.

The challenge is not exciting and boredom sets in
The sex is fun, you're physically stimulated, but you are not emotionally stirred. And the whole mood, scene or companionship can become boring. Take part in exciting activities together in order to keep the thrill in your social life.

Fulfilling something perceived to be missing in current relationship
Just because you're satisfied, that does not mean your partner is. The only way you're going to know this is by communicating with one another. Couples should spend a few hours a week talking about their relationship, both the positives and the negatives. Remember, your doctor does not know that there is something wrong with you unless you tell him. How can your mate help if you don't discuss things?

there is no eternal bliss

When a person succumbs to temptation, they might forget what attracted them to their partner in the first place, and lose sight of the chemistry and infatuation they once experienced for that person. It is a delusion to believe that a relationship should always progress smoothly on the road to eternal bliss. However, focusing on the negative will lead one to perceive that they are so miserable that they seek to fulfill their needs elsewhere.

Cheating is simple; a relationship is more complicated. Cheating usually offers instant gratification, physically and emotionally. A relationship requires lots of maintenance. Giving it care and attention along with trust and communication will continuously help both people grow.

If you become involved with another person, you owe it to yourself and your spouse to be honest. Creating lie upon lie will only hurt everyone involved. Take a close look at your relationship before seeking happiness with another person.

Also, remember that the new person will require just as much maintenance. No matter how green the grass looks, eventually it will need to be grained, fertilized and trimmed or before you know it, you'll have weeds all over the place. Something to think about the next time that pretty girl at the office smiles at you.

jabidas · 03-01-2002, 06:13 PM

Wow, and I thought this would be a thread devoted to making men apoligise for other members of the gender.

SSJ4Sephiroth · 03-01-2002, 06:16 PM

i'll just say this: all stereotypes anger me and are mostly false. I, for one, would never cheat on a relationship, and anyone who thinks i would merely because I'm a man needs to get his or her head on straight. I'm a farily level-headed guy, except for a few instances, and any woman who says "All men are pigs" is no better than a man saying that all women are cold and heartless. We are not one unit; we are not Borg, we are human and each of us have individual personalities and values.

Tarox · 03-01-2002, 07:37 PM

That's quite a good article
And I too hate those boring old stereotypes that both men and women use, they are really pathetic...sure sometimes they are correct but far from always.

khazadman · 03-02-2002, 11:26 AM

yeah,sure,men cheat.but who are they cheating WITH? the female of the species is just as guilty as men.

Talthyr Malkaviel · 03-02-2002, 12:00 PM

quote:
Originally posted by SSJ4Sephiroth:
i'll just say this: all stereotypes anger me and are mostly false. I, for one, would never cheat on a relationship, and anyone who thinks i would merely because I'm a man needs to get his or her head on straight. I'm a farily level-headed guy, except for a few instances, and any woman who says "All men are pigs" is no better than a man saying that all women are cold and heartless. We are not one unit; we are not Borg, we are human and each of us have individual personalities and values.

Yeah, Sephiroth is right, and I know I sure wouldn't cheat while in a relationship if I really loved the person.
What I hate is that damn show called 'Temptation Island.'
It is one of the most stupid shows in existence, and the people taking part, what is wrong with them???
They have to stay on separate parts of an island, and the men are on one side with loads of attractive, available women and vice versa on the womens side.
Sorry, but if you really love the person, you can keep your hands off someone else just because they're there and your partner isn't.
Isn't a strong relationship more important than some cheap sexual intercourse on a stupid gameshow??

Yorick · 03-02-2002, 02:39 PM

quote:
Originally posted by khazadman:
yeah,sure,men cheat.but who are they cheating WITH? the female of the species is just as guilty as men.

Very true.

AzRaeL StoRmBlaDe · 03-02-2002, 03:02 PM

I'm only a lurker anymore but I felt I should comment on this thread.
The response has a good idea, but a number of holes in their theory. A partner will still cheat on you even if you do fullfill all phsyical and emotional needs for them. Some people are just apathetic, some don't think they'll get caught, and some don't even view it as wrong. There are a lot of reasons for someone to cheat and a good majority of them are not to be blamed on your partner. I mean even if you are getting urges to cheat on your signifigant other, that should be a clue to either let them know and try to work something out, or break up. There's no excuse for telling somone how much you care about them and all that, and then turning around and cheating on them. Having physical desires for someone else is natural and healthy, but acting on them and violating the trust between you and your partner is completely unacceptable no matter what the reasons.

[ 03-04-2002: Message edited by: AzRaeL StoRmBlaDe ]

GEEK · 03-02-2002, 03:28 PM

I have been married for going on 9 years this May and I have never had the urge to cheat on my wife at all. We even spent a year apart because of my job and her school and yet I still remained faithful. Why? Because I took our marrige vows and plan to stick to them. If I don't them I am a liar. I stood up infront of my family and hers and swore that I would stay faithful and I will. If you can't take the vows and keep them then be honest and don't take them. I think most of these affairs start because people are self centered and don't think about the other person. I have worked with people who use the "It's the nature of man to have multiple partners" idea to ease their mind when involved in an affair but it comes down to this. If you are self centered and a liar don't take the vows. It has nothing to do with what someone did 10,000,000 years ago. It has to do with what you decide today.

SSJ4Sephiroth · 03-03-2002, 03:47 AM

quote:
Originally posted by Talthyr Malkaviel:

Yeah, Sephiroth is right, and I know I sure wouldn't cheat while in a relationship if I really loved the person.
What I hate is that damn show called 'Temptation Island.'
It is one of the most stupid shows in existence, and the people taking part, what is wrong with them???
They have to stay on separate parts of an island, and the men are on one side with loads of attractive, available women and vice versa on the womens side.
Sorry, but if you really love the person, you can keep your hands off someone else just because they're there and your partner isn't.
Isn't a strong relationship more important than some cheap sexual intercourse on a stupid gameshow??

Yeah, I detest that show and FOX for airing it. It's as if they're profiting from the loss of values in America, most prominently loyalty. Why would anyone throw away their relationship for some floozy that's being paid to seduce them? Many words come to mind when I wish to describe them, though unfortunately none of them seem appropriate for this forum...

03-01-2002, 06:04 PM	#1
Sir Kenyth Fzoul Chembryl Join Date: August 30, 2001 Location: somewhere Age: 54 Posts: 1,785	Here's an interesting article in response to a letter I found. Dear Curt, I just ended a six-month relationship because the person whom I believed to be the man of my dreams turned out to be a cheater. At this point in my life, I have given up all hope in men. It's unfortunate, but six out of the eight men that I've dated were unfaithful to me. I must admit that being a victim of unfaithfulness is very stressful and has caused me a lot of pain. Regrettably, I've come to the same conclusion that most women already know: men cheat because they're pigs. Curt, are men really just evil pigs controlled by their one-eyed monsters, or is there any hope in my ever finding a man who does not cheat? Regards, Jennifer, the pig herder what goes around comes around Jennifer, I have one question for you: Have you ever tried dating women? You'd be surprised to see that the grass isn't greener on the other team's playing field. As hard as it may be for you to fathom, women cheat too. So instead of making this a gender war or comparing one another to farm animals, we should seek to understand why people cheat. How would you feel if I told you that your man cheated on you because you are an ugly, overweight, boring, lousy lover who can't get anything right and even though your man tried to make things work, your old-fashioned, sexually stubborn self never agreed to compromise? Ouch! That sounds pretty harsh. It's just a lot easier to call a man a pig. The same applies to men. It is a lot easier for a man to call his adulteress ex-wife a bitch, than it is to admit that maybe she cheated on him because he spent more time with his friends at strip clubs, watching sports all night, playing video games, and masturbating to pornography. open your eyes The problem is that sometimes people are quick to point the finger at others rather than analyze why the individual cheated. Maybe your own actions had a big role in pushing the other to the brink of temptation. By blaming and labeling others, it inevitably hinders people from looking deeper into the problem and trying to resolve it before it recurs with another mate. The common belief is, I'm not a bad person. I don't need to change, I'm not the one who cheated. The result is that the whole process repeats itself without being rectified, which is probably why so many men and women complain about having been cheated on in so many relationships. So why do people cheat? the answer is... So if we opt to be monogamous, why do we ultimately cheat? The answer is quite simple. People do not cheat because they're pigs, sows, bitches, or dogs. It all comes down to two basic drives: the physical sexual drive and the emotional need. People usually cheat because there is a conflict between their physical and emotional desires. By accepting and understanding these shortcomings -- instead of ignoring them -- we can hopefully work harder to make sure that our partners are satisfied enough to resist any instinctual sexual urge. a prisoner of your instincts The question you have to ask yourself is which drive is stronger, and which one has a bigger influence in your life. In general, each person is different, but it is generally the physical sexual drive that dominates a person's actions. Why? Because this drive has been present in human behavior for millions of years. Whereas the emotional monogamous need has only been around for a few thousand years, obviously a few thousand years of emotional needs will not overcome millions of years of one's evolutionary sexual drive. Throughout history, men have argued that it is in their biological nature to desire multiple partners. Over time, we have evolved towards taking a partner in order to help raise our children and enforce a set of moral codes that contradict our stronger physical needs. Humans are not monogamous by nature and when we ultimately choose to be faithful without the right conditions in place, we are setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment. Once we can accept that 10,000 years of social monogamous behavior cannot supersede millions of years of physical evolution, only then can we learn to work around our weaknesses. beaver-built dams We exist as human beings on two levels: with bodies (physical instinct) -- the stronger of the two (according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs) -- and minds (emotional needs). In order to understand how physical instincts and emotional needs interrelate, we need to make a few comparisons. Imagine that the sexual physical instinct of a person (both men and women) is the sheer brute force of natural flowing water (one of the hardest elements to contain), and the only thing that can control it is a super dam. The dam represents the human's decision to become monogamous. It will only work if the dam's foundation is built strong enough. If there are any cracks or weaknesses, the "water" will eventual break through the "dam." In short, humans have set very difficult (but attainable) objectives for themselves by choosing to be monogamous. Therefore, in order to contain our sexual drives, we need to ensure that the emotional support toward our lifetime partner is strong enough to keep our primitive instinctual urges from surfacing. So what are these conditions that will keep the dam strong? In order to ensure a stable relationship, you must tend to all of the following reasons why people stray... 1. Physical Drive No longer finding partner sexy or attractive Try to stay in shape or at least maintain the same shape you had when you first met your partner. Working out together is a great way to spend time together while keeping each other physically fit and appealing. Sex may be readily available with another Do not deprive your spouse of his or her sexual needs -- even when you don't "feel like it" or have a headache. Current partner is unavailable for sex Try to avoid spending long periods of time away from one another. Being out of town on a business trip for a few weeks isn't so bad, but letting the few weeks become months will inevitably lead to temptation. No sexual variety Changing your sexual routine and ensuring an array of adventurous sexual delicacies will keep your partner wanting more and wondering what will be next, instead of thinking of someone else. Less sex The more sex you have and the more satisfied you are, the less likely you'll go out looking for more. 2. Emotional Needs No longer feeling accepted, desired by another You could be having all the sex in the world, but if you don't feel accepted, respected, desired, adored, loved, or worshipped, you will always be looking for that person who will give you all these things. And when that person comes along, you might be tempted by their warm, fuzzy fruit. The challenge is not exciting and boredom sets in The sex is fun, you're physically stimulated, but you are not emotionally stirred. And the whole mood, scene or companionship can become boring. Take part in exciting activities together in order to keep the thrill in your social life. Fulfilling something perceived to be missing in current relationship Just because you're satisfied, that does not mean your partner is. The only way you're going to know this is by communicating with one another. Couples should spend a few hours a week talking about their relationship, both the positives and the negatives. Remember, your doctor does not know that there is something wrong with you unless you tell him. How can your mate help if you don't discuss things? there is no eternal bliss When a person succumbs to temptation, they might forget what attracted them to their partner in the first place, and lose sight of the chemistry and infatuation they once experienced for that person. It is a delusion to believe that a relationship should always progress smoothly on the road to eternal bliss. However, focusing on the negative will lead one to perceive that they are so miserable that they seek to fulfill their needs elsewhere. Cheating is simple; a relationship is more complicated. Cheating usually offers instant gratification, physically and emotionally. A relationship requires lots of maintenance. Giving it care and attention along with trust and communication will continuously help both people grow. If you become involved with another person, you owe it to yourself and your spouse to be honest. Creating lie upon lie will only hurt everyone involved. Take a close look at your relationship before seeking happiness with another person. Also, remember that the new person will require just as much maintenance. No matter how green the grass looks, eventually it will need to be grained, fertilized and trimmed or before you know it, you'll have weeds all over the place. Something to think about the next time that pretty girl at the office smiles at you. __________________ Master Barbsman and wielder of the razor wit!<br /><br />There are dark angels among us. They present themselves in shining raiment but there is, in their hearts, the blackness of the abyss.

03-01-2002, 06:13 PM	#2
jabidas Silver Dragon Join Date: March 14, 2001 Location: Agharti. Mountains of Madness Posts: 1,673	Wow, and I thought this would be a thread devoted to making men apoligise for other members of the gender. __________________ <br /><br />Non Serviam.

03-01-2002, 07:37 PM	#4
Tarox Manshoon Join Date: November 2, 2001 Location: Nottingham, UK Posts: 171	That's quite a good article And I too hate those boring old stereotypes that both men and women use, they are really pathetic...sure sometimes they are correct but far from always. __________________ <IMG SRC=\"http://tarox.homestead.com/files/TaroxE.jpg\">

03-02-2002, 12:00 PM	#6
Talthyr Malkaviel Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: August 31, 2001 Location: Land of the Britons Age: 37 Posts: 3,224	quote: Originally posted by SSJ4Sephiroth: i'll just say this: all stereotypes anger me and are mostly false. I, for one, would never cheat on a relationship, and anyone who thinks i would merely because I'm a man needs to get his or her head on straight. I'm a farily level-headed guy, except for a few instances, and any woman who says "All men are pigs" is no better than a man saying that all women are cold and heartless. We are not one unit; we are not Borg, we are human and each of us have individual personalities and values. Yeah, Sephiroth is right, and I know I sure wouldn't cheat while in a relationship if I really loved the person. What I hate is that damn show called 'Temptation Island.' It is one of the most stupid shows in existence, and the people taking part, what is wrong with them??? They have to stay on separate parts of an island, and the men are on one side with loads of attractive, available women and vice versa on the womens side. Sorry, but if you really love the person, you can keep your hands off someone else just because they're there and your partner isn't. Isn't a strong relationship more important than some cheap sexual intercourse on a stupid gameshow?? __________________ Resident cantankerous sorcerer of the Clan HADB<br />and Sorcerous Nuttella salesman of the O.R.T<br /> <br /><br />Say NO to the Trouser Tyranny! Can I drill you about this?

03-02-2002, 02:39 PM	#7
Yorick Very Mad Bird Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Breukelen (over the river from New Amsterdam) Age: 52 Posts: 9,246	quote: Originally posted by khazadman: yeah,sure,men cheat.but who are they cheating WITH? the female of the species is just as guilty as men. Very true. __________________ http://www.hughwilson.com

03-01-2002, 06:16 PM	#3
SSJ4Sephiroth Beholder Join Date: May 4, 2001 Location: The Outside Looking In Age: 37 Posts: 4,361	i'll just say this: all stereotypes anger me and are mostly false. I, for one, would never cheat on a relationship, and anyone who thinks i would merely because I'm a man needs to get his or her head on straight. I'm a farily level-headed guy, except for a few instances, and any woman who says "All men are pigs" is no better than a man saying that all women are cold and heartless. We are not one unit; we are not Borg, we are human and each of us have individual personalities and values.

03-02-2002, 11:26 AM	#5
khazadman User suspended until [Feb13] Join Date: December 6, 2001 Location: the south side of ol virginny Age: 62 Posts: 1,172	yeah,sure,men cheat.but who are they cheating WITH? the female of the species is just as guilty as men.

03-02-2002, 03:02 PM	#8
AzRaeL StoRmBlaDe Hathor Join Date: October 11, 2001 Location: At My Computer Age: 43 Posts: 2,217	I'm only a lurker anymore but I felt I should comment on this thread. The response has a good idea, but a number of holes in their theory. A partner will still cheat on you even if you do fullfill all phsyical and emotional needs for them. Some people are just apathetic, some don't think they'll get caught, and some don't even view it as wrong. There are a lot of reasons for someone to cheat and a good majority of them are not to be blamed on your partner. I mean even if you are getting urges to cheat on your signifigant other, that should be a clue to either let them know and try to work something out, or break up. There's no excuse for telling somone how much you care about them and all that, and then turning around and cheating on them. Having physical desires for someone else is natural and healthy, but acting on them and violating the trust between you and your partner is completely unacceptable no matter what the reasons. [ 03-04-2002: Message edited by: AzRaeL StoRmBlaDe ] __________________ Now the swinging bridge<br />Is quieted with creepers. . . <br />Like our tendrilled life. -Basho

03-02-2002, 03:28 PM	#9
GEEK The Magister Join Date: January 31, 2002 Location: USA Posts: 101	I have been married for going on 9 years this May and I have never had the urge to cheat on my wife at all. We even spent a year apart because of my job and her school and yet I still remained faithful. Why? Because I took our marrige vows and plan to stick to them. If I don't them I am a liar. I stood up infront of my family and hers and swore that I would stay faithful and I will. If you can't take the vows and keep them then be honest and don't take them. I think most of these affairs start because people are self centered and don't think about the other person. I have worked with people who use the "It's the nature of man to have multiple partners" idea to ease their mind when involved in an affair but it comes down to this. If you are self centered and a liar don't take the vows. It has nothing to do with what someone did 10,000,000 years ago. It has to do with what you decide today.

03-03-2002, 03:47 AM	#10
SSJ4Sephiroth Beholder Join Date: May 4, 2001 Location: The Outside Looking In Age: 37 Posts: 4,361	quote: Originally posted by Talthyr Malkaviel: Yeah, Sephiroth is right, and I know I sure wouldn't cheat while in a relationship if I really loved the person. What I hate is that damn show called 'Temptation Island.' It is one of the most stupid shows in existence, and the people taking part, what is wrong with them??? They have to stay on separate parts of an island, and the men are on one side with loads of attractive, available women and vice versa on the womens side. Sorry, but if you really love the person, you can keep your hands off someone else just because they're there and your partner isn't. Isn't a strong relationship more important than some cheap sexual intercourse on a stupid gameshow?? Yeah, I detest that show and FOX for airing it. It's as if they're profiting from the loss of values in America, most prominently loyalty. Why would anyone throw away their relationship for some floozy that's being paid to seduce them? Many words come to mind when I wish to describe them, though unfortunately none of them seem appropriate for this forum...

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