Dreamer or critic?

[Evil Al]

What's worce; to be nothing but a critic or nothing but a dreamer?

In my opinion it is better to be a dreamer than a critic. I know this because my dad only critisises me. Its not just normal critism, its to the point of being a hypocrit. For example, when I wasn't a very nice guy he accused me of bringing Satan into the house hold. Then when I find religion he moans that I go to a "happy clappy cult" instead of a "proper church". What's more, he is a cronic alcoholic and he claims to be a devout Christian!
He also complaines that I don't do anything around the house and when I do he calls me a ponce ir a mummies boy, while he sits on the couch watching "attheraces" and drinking himself into a comma.
He kept moaning about me not having any goals in life but when I share my goals with him he claims that I won't earn nearly enough being a Pastor and I could do a lot better, even though he says I'm as think as mince.
I kept this all to myself until a few minutes ago then I dared him to say something nice about me and he told me he couldn't think of anything, cause i'm nothing but a dreamer. That really does wonders for my self esteem.

So folks, does anyone one you know go on like this? What did you do about it? And one last thing, I dare you, the people of Ironworks to say one nice thing about me before I lose all my self esteem.

[Talthyr Malkaviel]

Originally posted by Evil Al: What's worce; to be nothing but a critic or nothing but a dreamer? In my opinion it is better to be a dreamer than a critic. I know this because my dad only critisises me. Its not just normal critism, its to the point of being a hypocrit. For example, when I wasn't a very nice guy he accused me of bringing Satan into the house hold. Then when I find religion he moans that I go to a "happy clappy cult" instead of a "proper church". What's more, he is a cronic alcoholic and he claims to be a devout Christian! He also complaines that I don't do anything around the house and when I do he calls me a ponce ir a mummies boy, while he sits on the couch watching "attheraces" and drinking himself into a comma. He kept moaning about me not having any goals in life but when I share my goals with him he claims that I won't earn nearly enough being a Pastor and I could do a lot better, even though he says I'm as think as mince. I kept this all to myself until a few minutes ago then I dared him to say something nice about me and he told me he couldn't think of anything, cause i'm nothing but a dreamer. That really does wonders for my self esteem. So folks, does anyone one you know go on like this? What did you do about it? And one last thing, I dare you, the people of Ironworks to say one nice thing about me before I lose all my self esteem.

You have goals which you are determined to achieve no matter how many critics bemoan them.
That's one thing, and I'm tired so I might think of more later.

[johnny]

How old are you ?

You are an articulate person with a heart, so there's another.

My mom was much like your dad...belittling my every word and move for as long as I can remember and teaching my siblings that as long as they did the same, they had her undying love and devotion. Its a sick game played by twisted people who hate themselves and you (as hard as it is) can't let it deter you from loving the you that you are.

It took me years away from home to discover on my own that I wasn't stupid, I wasn't ugly and that I actually had something to offer the world if only love.
Love is a powerful tool and a powerful weapon...never forget to use it on yourself as well as your enemies.

Believe me, your dad is more his own enemy than he is yours and he may never change, but you don't have to feel how he does about you when he is only reflecting his feelings about himself onto you (giving himself someone to blame). You know better than what he is saying so try your best to let it go now and live your life as you know it pleases God. Time away from your dad will show you just how right you have been all along.

Hugs & God Bless,

[whacky]

Dont worry Evil Al i'm sure your father does it outta love, just dont let words discourage you, you've got a long journey ahead and good luck on it, the best thing about you is that you dared to choose a life for yourself, just not accepting the usual "whatever life throws at me" way !

[Evil Al]

Thanks Talthyr its true, I do have goals and I don't care if people bemoan them, they are my goals after all.

I'm 17 Johnny, why do you ask?

[Aelia Jusa]

There are certainly worse things than being a dreamer. And it sounds to me like you're not just a dreamer, like Talthyr said, you have goals and I think the determination to see them through.

It's one thing being a critic, in that you don't blindly accept things and question the status quo. I wouldn't call your father a critic in this sense however, I'd call him cruel, thoughtless and undeserving of his son. Whether his behaviour is due to his alcohol problems or not, there's no excuse if this is truly the way he treats you. Parents should support their children. I don't think it's a good idea for parents to build their child up so that they have unrealistic goals and opinions of their abilities, but there is a happy medium. Try not to take what he says as gospel. Your success is a product of what you do, not what he thinks you can do [img]smile.gif[/img]

[johnny]

Originally posted by Evil Al: Thanks Talthyr its true, I do have goals and I don't care if people bemoan them, they are my goals after all. I'm 17 Johnny, why do you ask?

That's not too young, have you considdered finding a place of your own ?

[Evil Al]

Thanks Moni, you're right. The hardest part is I love my dad even though he seems to not like me. That's the main thing that I pray for, I pray that I show people love, just by being there. Theirs the odd occasion that I've thought about saying "I love you, dad" when he's getting on at me. But a part is telling me not to, it'll just give him something else to pick on.

I remember only having one heart to heart with my dad, we were talking about my grandfather (his dad), who sadly passed away when he was 13. I was quite young at the time, so I don't remember it very well, but I do remember him saying, "Don't get too fond of people, boy. We live, and live to die."
I wish I could mention it to him again, but he's not one of those people who are open about their feelings. Where as I think sharing them helps.

I'm glad that you got away and found out that you are a good person. I'll pray that you stay that way forever. *hugs*

Originally posted by Evil Al: Thanks Moni, you're right. The hardest part is I love my dad even though he seems to not like me. That's the main thing that I pray for, I pray that I show people love, just by being there. Theirs the odd occasion that I've thought about saying "I love you, dad" when he's getting on at me. But a part is telling me not to, it'll just give him something else to pick on. I remember only having one heart to heart with my dad, we were talking about my grandfather (his dad), who sadly passed away when he was 13. I was quite young at the time, so I don't remember it very well, but I do remember him saying, "Don't get too fond of people, boy. We live, and live to die." I wish I could mention it to him again, but he's not one of those people who are open about their feelings. Where as I think sharing them helps. I'm glad that you got away and found out that you are a good person. I'll pray that you stay that way forever. *hugs*

It took me many years to be able to tell my mother that I love her and mean it at the same time. Before I meant it, she took it with a grain of salt, but now it only pisses her off and gets her ranting about how I don't. (?) I have yet to understand where she is coming from on that one, unless she wants me to hate her because then, "she wins" (I call her Satan's Advisor because Satan himself can't come up with really good ways to hurt people like my mom can *wink* )
You can only give it a try, just go into it knowing it could either calm things down or make them explode. If something is telling you not to, listen to it...it could just make the situation worse.
The last time I told my mom I love her to her face she went off on me so bad that I told her (as I was shutting her car door really hard for her) to go ahead and leave, to take her hate and get the f*ck away from my house with it because I was tired of being exposed to it and really didn't need to keep trying anymore. It didn't feel good after she left, knowing she had the power to make me treat her so bad because she can't believe I love her and wants to put her own reasons for hating me on me as reasons why I don't (I scared the crap out of her, I could see it in her eyes). I apologized but she never did (she doesn't owe me anything, esp an apology for being cruel).
She'll never like me no matter what I ever do, say, or accomplish...that is something that I have to live with (and sometimes it leaves me feeling like there's something missing in my life to be honest). I pray for your sake and your dad's that things between the two of you can someday be different, but if it never can, try to accept it as God's will...not everyone has the same place in Heaven that you do, you know? Believe me, I know it is small consolation for all the love you have for him in your heart, but there are things that are out of our hands; we can only trust them to God's (and who better to trust, eh?)

You showed me a lot of love in just your first post, so do know your prayers are being answered. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Thank you too for your prayers for me. I doubt I could ever hate anyone or anything again (well, except peas lol) but it is good to know there is an extra word out there to back me up in case I start to falter. Thanks. [img]smile.gif[/img]

My dad was like yours when it came to talking...its a generational thing and something you can't change. Accept him for who he is and when he wants to get involved in a good heart to heart, take advantage of it and let him know you love him for it (or at least tell him that you appreciate him taking the time to talk like that with you). It will make the next heart to heart a lot easier to approach from both sides. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Take care of yourself inside and out, Evil Al...know that you are loved by many who don't even know you and that you have many angels watching over you. I'll keep you & your dad in my prayers.

Hugs & God Bless,