05-10-2001, 08:44 PM | #31 |
Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom
Join Date: March 12, 2001
Location: Birmingham, West Mid\'s, England
Age: 87
Posts: 2,859
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I hope you are serious about wanting criticism,, AzureWolf?!
I printed out your story and have read it carefully, several times. Praise first: (always give the sweet before the medicine..!): You have a feel for language. That's good. Nice descriptions. You are getting a sense of 'atmosphere' as well. The characters in chapter one start well. You could become a good writer. Chapter one is also by far the best part of the story, less self-conscious, less wordy, more atmospheric, and also much easier to relate to. I wanted to KNOW about Nerian and his dad! Medicine: 1)You seriously need to improve your grammer! 2)You should forget 'Revelations' & 'Prologue'. I know you enjoyed writing those bits, ( ) but that material would be better used in a different way. It is too contrived and derivative as it is. Ahem... I hope we are still friends? ------------------ Smile! Life is too short for bitching! Fljotsdale |
05-10-2001, 11:19 PM | #32 | |
20th Level Warrior
Join Date: May 3, 2001
Location: .
Age: 40
Posts: 2,762
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Quote:
------------------ "I was born of darkness. My fathers eyes closed before mine opened. I am not of this world or the other, and I have the right to be what I am..." |
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05-11-2001, 09:11 AM | #33 | |
Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom
Join Date: March 12, 2001
Location: Birmingham, West Mid\'s, England
Age: 87
Posts: 2,859
|
Quote:
------------------ Smile! Life is too short for bitching! Fljotsdale [This message has been edited by Fljotsdale (edited 05-11-2001).] |
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05-11-2001, 01:38 PM | #34 | |
20th Level Warrior
Join Date: May 3, 2001
Location: .
Age: 40
Posts: 2,762
|
Quote:
------------------ "I was born of darkness. My fathers eyes closed before mine opened. I am not of this world or the other, and I have the right to be what I am..." |
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05-14-2001, 09:30 AM | #35 |
20th Level Warrior
Join Date: May 3, 2001
Location: .
Age: 40
Posts: 2,762
|
bump for Reeka
------------------ "I was born of darkness. My fathers eyes closed before mine opened. I am not of this world or the other, and I have the right to be what I am..." |
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