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Old 08-16-2001, 04:15 AM   #101
Pangur Ban
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Join Date: June 3, 2001
Location: Melbourne, Australia
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( See page 4 of this topic for an earlier adventure of this herioc band .. )

Dramatis Personea:

Rei, Philosophical paladin.
R'rova, Reasonably fierce barbarian.
H'ssa, Noble samurai who now wants learn to paint watercolors ..
Roland, Assasin of uncertain pedigree and over-inflated ego.
Pangur, Now a monk. Still suffers from bouts of nudism after the monk quest.
Cymry, Long suffering elven warlock.
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The party of well seasoned adventurers are now prowling around a well known shrine ( 3 stars out of 5 in the Gael Serran Lonely Planet guide ).

In fact, one of them is more "seasoned" than the others, since R'rova has refused to take a bath since becoming a barbarian .....

R'rova: I sense a longtooth nearby ..
Pangur: With your smell, it's a wonder you could detect a garlic farm nearby!!
R'rova: Grrrrr ....
( Longtooth stalks around the corner )
Cymry: Hey, doesn't that beached pirate want a longtooth hide?
Roland: Yeah, he did, didn't he !! Hey, everyone, watch this ....

Roland goes into steal mode. A few seconds, there is a longtooth hide stored neatly in his backpack, while the de-furred longtooth drips bodily juices on the floor.

Cymry: Err, yukky ...
Pangur: Now, THATS how to pick a pocket !!
R'rova: Voices traditional barbarian battle cry - "Kill!!"
H'ssa: I've always liked that battleyell. Short, and to the point ..

Meanwhile, R'rova has now sent the longtooth off to the 'happy hunting grounds'.

Rei: You know, I've always wondered where monsters go after you kill them?
Pangur: Seeing R'rova picking his teeth with a small bone .. "Better not to ask, Rei, better not to ask!!"

"" The End ""

Pangur Ban



[This message has been edited by Pangur Ban (edited 08-16-2001).]
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Old 08-19-2001, 01:43 PM   #102
HeavensFire
Elite Waterdeep Guard
 

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There we are. Just finished going through the shrine of Anephas. "You are the chosen one" he says, "and all powerful with the sword you hold". Who is this Blackbeard guy think he is to try and stand up to me? He falls screaming. We steal his boat and head north to a small clearing. ( No need to save mind you, I am the champion with the sword and the badest MF in the valley}. We come across a group of pixies, about five in all. "No need to use ranged attacks, they're only pixies". We charge into the fray wacking everything that moves. HUH, What's this? Whats the little spinning globe above thier head? Why aren't they fighting back. I continue to hack not really concerned and one of my party members falls screaming. "How the heck did that happen"??? "Now you die pixie"!!! I scream, as I press the attack blindly. Another party member falls. Then another. HEY!!! What the heck is going on here? I finally stop and look at the messages box and it says, "Character killed by reverse damage"!! "This can't be happening", I scream!! "Flee, Flee"!!! I run as fast as I can with two weakened characters remaining but the pixies get off one final spell and it says both characters are INSANE!!! "I CAN'T MOVE"!!! I scream!!! I can't even get into my inventory to use potions. Meanwhile, the PIXIES move in for the kill and all I can do is stand there and watch as they finish off my entire party. "This can't be happening"!! "I thought I was the baddest MF in the valley"!!! Killed by a buch of PIXIES!!! So there we were, back in the tomb of Anephas wanting revenge on those damned pixies. So, I don't know if this true story has a morale but I can say this. "SAVE YOUR GAME OFTEN"!! And never think you are Invicible. You never know where a pixie will be lying in wait to prove you are dead wrong. This story was a little embarassing but well worth the tale. "HERE PIXIE, PIXIE, PIXIE"!!!
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Old 08-27-2001, 01:24 AM   #103
Pangur Ban
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End game, plus 1 week.

The party is relaxing over a few ales -- again.

"So now what do we do? ... I'm getting bored. There's only so many ways you can gargle with boogre brew ... "
"Listen up, I've got this great idea - lets go see that sensai, sell him heaps of his own arrows, get more gold than we can ever possibly use, and go back to Valeia and openour own tavern"
"Great !! Maybe we can hold pixie throwing contests ... "

Two days later ......

The party is listening to Lord Whatsisname ..

"Well of course, many other groups of retiring adventurers seem to have the same or similar ideas. Must be something to do with the very large amounts of money in the economy ... "

"At last count, we now have 43,421 taverns, if you also include wineshops, nightclubs and coffee bars. Lets see now, 22,876 inns, 16,000 or so outhouse manufacturing firms, around 8,400 new guilds, about 5,000 temples - mainly to Kerah, but with at least 60 devoted to Erathsmedor, 13 for Cet himself and 1 each for Bloodbeard and Erzabette. We also have at least 50 schools, teaching brigands how to count, and how make rational evalations of potential threats. There is also a meditation centre and spiritual retreat trying to resolve a philosophical and metaphysical dispute - there are 4953 adventurers in the village all claiming to be the 13th zenmaster. Oh, I nearly forgot - 3 humane societies for the prevention of cruelty to stray horses, and a second hand raft and boat Quik-e-Mart"

"You do realize that the tax rate is 999 gp per 1000 earned, plus various fees and licences ... ? "

Party " AAAARRRRGGG !!! "

The End.

Pangur Ban



[This message has been edited by Pangur Ban (edited 08-27-2001).]
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Old 09-10-2001, 03:17 PM   #104
Neb
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Lol, this thread is just SO funny! Good job with the funny stories everyone!
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Old 09-28-2001, 04:08 PM   #105
adam warlock
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*bump* for the newbies who just arrived for the past 2 weeks
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Old 09-28-2001, 07:21 PM   #106
Balgin
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Join Date: March 4, 2001
Location: Bournemouth,Hampshire,England
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The Short Party stomped into yet another dead end room. Sigurd snorted in derison. Did the followers of the serpent "goddess" who lay crumpled and defeated realy think they could defeat a Stout war party with such a simple trick? Honestly, some of these snake cults had no sense of originality. Behind him he heard the shuffling of booted feet as his companions blundered into the chamber. Ragnar was breathing hard, a side effect of the venom that had been recently coursing through his veins (not to mention supporting most of Dana's wounded bulk with his shoulder).Almaric sniffed at the rank and foetid air, preparing to send another ball of glaring fire to burn heatlessly around and about his friends bringing light into the dark places.

"They won't escape us," snarled Urwena," we'll catch 'em and teach 'em how ter die!" Sigurd found himself wandering how anyone related to Balgin could be so bloodthirsty (especially for a member of Clan Stondraeg) and began to realise why Balgin stayed away from home so often (probably just to keep out of his wifes way). Maerna sighed as she spotted her defensive enchantments begining to weaken, soon the party would be vulnerable again and she'd have to wreath them about elemental shields once again. The old stout maxim was definately true : "Stone is Strong".

"Lever" gasped Ragnar,"lever!"
"What's he on about?" mumbled Almaric as he reached for the phosporous dust.
"Nothing" answered Dana," he's probably halucinating from the after effects of the poison". She reached out her hand gratefuly as Sigurd offered her a fourth healing potion, "Thanks" she managed before ripping the stopper out with her teeth.
"Leveryelled Ragnar,"lever,lever,lever!" His finger pointed desparately at the opposite wall.

Shortly afterwards there was a flurry of light as Almaric had managed to produce illumination and a lever was indeed revealed. Urwena looked up,"Another bloody lift" she swore. They settled down for a while in order for Dana to administer more healing and then began a council of war. There was obviously something at the top of that lift shaft, and chances where that that something was a step nearer to the mysterious face of death that they sought. This didn't sound good, it could be tough and they'd run out of bloodlust potions (anything would fight to get that taste out of it's mouth), the fact that they'd sold them all earlier to purchase poison antidotes did nothing to calm Urwena's temper.Eventually they decided to ride the lift to it's top and see what they would find (fully tanked up on Bless, Haste, Armoured Realm and Repel for Almaric and Maerna- the two heavy duty spell casters). Besides Dana the Priestess didn't like the constant hissing of all those lift shafts echoing up the tunnel behind them, it sounded too much like the breathing of some gargantuan, sleeping reptile.

With a lurch the lift began it's upwards ascent when an oppening appeared through which they could plainly see a burning brazier from which the fumes of almost spent incense emanated. They knew that place well.

"Go, go, go!" roared Sigurd hurling the wounded Dana ahead of himself. With a startled undescribably indignant sound she ran. Ragnar and Urwena followed at an alarming pace ("How come they never charge that fast?" thought Sigurd,"they always seem to keep pace unless some great danger is near, must be the training". He smiled at his companies professionalism). Almaric and Maerna followed, faint whisps of magical energy (or was it just condensing sweat and urine? They never found out). and Sigurd found himself alone in the rising lift. Urwena reached backwards to help Maerna leap the gap and then Sigurd's mind went blank, he practised the ancient Stout art of developing tunnel vision, seeing a desired target and going straight for it. He felt his shoulder slam into the side of the doorway, the impact almost sent him spining off balance, he couldn't feel his legs runing any morebut hoped that they where still moving. Bent double to avoid being decapitated by the passing wall he hurtled forwards into the waiting arms of Ragnar and Almaric. He was breathing hard, maybe he should pack this in and go back to the mines, yes, he had a nephew who was getting fed up with working stone, thought a bit too much of himself for his own good. But no, he had to carry on, look after this bunch of helpful associates. They needed his expertise and experience, he needed their young alert senses. Pushing himself upright he swayed slightly, his friends rushed to support him but he waved them away. Clearing his throat he proudly declared that," My friends, it is finally time to go back to town and visdit the temple" (Dana muttered that he didn't look that bad and that his shoulder wasn't dislocated or broken or anything) but he continued "for it is time to see if they've finally realised that I've already prayed at Kerah's alter as any devout adventurer would".

P.S. They didn't and made him do it again therefore this quests isn't like the Ninja quest in that you can do it before you get it. Hence he had to pray there twice, once prior to recieving the quest and once after. You'd have thought that the clerics'd give you some special bonus for proving you're faith without being asked but that's beurocracies for you.

------------------
Balgin, the Dwarf
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Old 09-30-2001, 07:14 PM   #107
Nanobyte
Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
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I posted this on another archive. Thought it was note worthy.

And note. The Rat! It speaks its mind.. to your behind! While you look beyond; it snatches your wand! Yet, you without doubt; carry about. Talking to the Stout! Who spots the creature; with it's fine feature. Off the floor; it does soar! Eats its head; and now its dead!

I dropped me keys, did I tell you?
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Old 10-22-2001, 11:21 PM   #108
Balgin
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Join Date: March 4, 2001
Location: Bournemouth,Hampshire,England
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Don't worry, I'll play a few more unusual exploits of The Short Party and then write 'em up for you all. I just know they'll get into trouble (and if they don't then I'm sure that the older party can have some misdemeanour or other).

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Balgin, the Dwarf
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Old 10-16-2002, 12:34 AM   #109
chi master
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Bump!!!
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Old 10-19-2002, 01:07 AM   #110
LiOnHe@rT
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wahahahahahaha, i was really laughing when i read these funny stories!!! especially the "here pixie pixie pixie!" part
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<img border=\"0\" alt=\"[knight]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/knight.gif\" /> I am the Glacial Knight and will purge thy evil! (though this knight doesnt look so icicle...)
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