SURVIVAL GUIDE TO DRIVING IN THE PHILIPPINES

[Harkoliar]

i just got it from my email (as usual) and this is sooo funnnnyyy and sooo trrruuuee.. the pHilippines creates one of the best drivers in the world [img]smile.gif[/img] and im not kidding since i live here... read on!!! [img]smile.gif[/img]

SURVIVAL GUIDE TO DRIVING IN THE PHILIPPINES
>
> If you are ever in the need to drive on the streets of Manila the
> following rules may help you get to your destination in one piece.
>
> THE FILIPINO DRIVER GREETING:
>
> When greeting a Filipino driver, slowly lower your window and be
> prepared to greet the driver with, "Tang namo, bobo." (note: my own editing. Tang namo = something that insults your mother, bobo= stupid) However, if you
> have been already addressed by a fellow driver, reply with a joyful,
> "Tang namo rin, gago." (note: tang namo rin= replying to you the same way. gago=same as bobo= stupid) [img]smile.gif[/img]
>
> ON TURN SIGNALS:
>
> If a driver in another lane turns on the turn signal, do not let
> him go into your lane. In fact, press the accelerator and start driving
> right next to him/her. The fellow driver will probably greet you and
> you already know what to do.
>
> ON TRAFFIC LIGHTS:
>
> These amusing artifacts hang from intersections for no apparent
> reason. Sometimes you will see drivers stop to see the colors change on
> these lights (a fascinating experience). Government officials
> (specificially police) believe that each color stands for an instruction
> for drivers to follow.
>
> From pure observation I have determined the following instructions for
> each color:
>
> Yellow light - accelerate your car as much as possible.
> Red light - this light gives permission to the next five to six
> cars to go through.
> Green light - reduce speed and wait for the five to six cars
> passing through their respective red lights.
>
> Little-known-fact: Time to start honking your horn, as soon as the
> light turns green = 1.5 seconds.
>
> ON CHANGING LANES:
>
> Changing lanes has been elevated to an art form in the
> Philippines. First of all, no matter what you do, never ever turn on
> your turn signal, otherwise you'll stimulate the reaction described
> above. Second, swerve your car uncontrollably to the lane you want to
> change,preferably if you end up within inches of a car in that lane.
>
> At this point a greeting from the other driver may be in order.
> To perfect your change of lanes, reduce the speed of your car
> dramatically in a matter of seconds and you will see an action-packed
> reaction from the car behind you.
>
> ON TRAFFIC JAMS:
>
> Traffic Jams are teaming with fun filled activities such as:
> 1. Honking your horn rhythmically.
> 2. Putting on make-up (usually female drivers only).
> 3. Nose-pickers sightseeing (not to be confused with people who
> scratch their brains through their nose).
> 4. Reducing speed to watch whatever is causing the traffic jam.
> Add excitement by trying to see if you know the parties involved.
> (Note: Every Filipino driver is obliged to do this.)
> 5. Losing weight by sweating like a pig as a result of a lack of
> air-conditioning.
> 6. Greeting other drivers.
> 7. Practicing lane changing.
> 8. Playing the game: Let's see how close I can get to you before
> rear-ending you.
>
> ON PEDESTRIANS:
>
> These individuals are an annoyance to the Filipino driver. If you
> see pedestrians in your way, accelerate your car to let them know who's
> the boss. If you are at an intersection, let the pedestrians know you
> want to proceed by accelerating your car and honking at the last
> possible moment.
>
> ON SOCIAL SITUATIONS:
>
> Bumping into a friend while driving (not to be taken literally)is
> a joyful occasion. Drivers should reduce speed and stop their cars in
> the middle of the street and chit chat. What about other drivers? Well,
> they can wait.
>
> ON HIGHWAY DRIVING:
>
> Bottleneck Formation - To accomplish this type of driving, cars
> must block all lanes by driving at the same speed and side by side (to
> avoid other cars to pass). It is important to drive at a speed at least
> 20 mph below the speed limit.
>
> The Three-Lane-Change - This movement requires a lot of precision
> and creativity. It should be done around the highest number of cars
> possible and in a matter of seconds to create what others may refer to
> as widespread panic.
>
> HERE'S ANOTHER RULE FOR DRIVING IN THE PHILIPPINES.
>
> When the lanes going in your direction are jammed with cars, try
> using the lanes from the oncoming traffic. They are probably not
> occupied anyway because the oncoming cars are stuck as well.How many of
> the other direction's lanes should you occupy? As long as there are
> lanes from the other direction to occupy, go ahead and take more lanes.
>
> This move is sure to elicit previously mentioned greetings from
> drivers of the oncoming cars (and some have been known to get down from
> their cars to personally deliver the greeting to the out of lane
> driver).
>
> 9 out of 10 times it's sure to make the traffic worse but then,
> hey,there's that 1 in 10 chance that you might actually get through
> sooner than all those law-abiding losers. Filipino drivers think that
> that 1 in 10 chance is reason enough to risk their life and limb and
> being profusely greeted (besides, you can always turn up the windows and
> pretend that you don't hear the greeting from the other drivers).
>
> GOT IT !! GOOD ! Welcome to Manila.
>

[Davros]

LOL, I think I have seen a similar survival guide for driving in Paris - best tip, take the Metro .

[Harkoliar]

just bumpin [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Bahamut]

well, I usually start to chant a litany of curses INSIDE thee car and not outside, and i usually win against buses, jeepneys and trucks here... heheh driving from south super to ateneo, and back to paranaque just gave me more balls than a driver could wish for... i mean my mom even works in Laguna, I have driven in laguna, and i have faced big stuff that will scare of the kinky and 'careful' drivers... hehehehe... i am careful, but it is sure cool to beat them in battle... oh btw i have never been rear-ended yet or something... i'm just too damn good! jk!