The Exile

[Dreamer128]

Ok everyone, this is my first story in English so please judge it and be honest. If it sucks, id like to know.


Deep into the wood of scales, on the very fringe of existence lived a single man.
He had lived in the same cave for over fifteen years and he was convinced that he would stay there for the rest of his live.
At night, his dreams were haunted with memories of a distant past and during the day he only desired a quick death.
Every day, he went out to fight forest animals and bandits who lived in the woods, hoping that one of them would overcome, and kill him.
And every day, his combat skill improved and with that, his change for demise decreased.
One night he had a very clear dream, it was a dream of his past. He saw himself riding his horse, leading his men into battle.
But even though they emerged victorious, he had lost. For an arrow had pierced his arm and he could no longer wield his sword.
Soon after, he was cast away by his masters. He had outlived his usefulness.
Bitter, he left the great cities of his country far behind him and moved into the woods. He made a light spear out of wood, a weapon witch he used every day and never seemed to break. Suddenly he woke up, a cold wind blew through the cave and put out his fire. As he got on his feet, he noticed three silhouettes at the entrance of his cave. He was surprised, but did not reach for his weapon. If they were bandits he would have been dead by now and since no one else ever wandered this far into the woods.
The first man stepped forward. It was a large man, his face and hands wrapped in bandages. Even though his mouth was covered as well, his voice was very clear, yet very cold. ‘Greetings young one’, he said slowly. ‘What brings ye to my cave stranger’? The man replied suspiciously. ‘I’ve come to bring you a gift, the thing you desire the most’. He pulled out a dagger from under his cloak. ‘Just step a little closer’.
Suddenly the second men stepped forward. Unlike the first, this one was wearing full armour. ‘Do not listen to the fiend’, your answers cannot be found in death.
‘Liar’, the first man cried! ‘Life is hollow and holds nothing but sorrow’. ‘It has cheated you time after time’, ‘ I am the only that can set you free’. He raised his dagger but the first man grabbed his arm. ‘Life has cheated you of nothing, you have done that yourself’ he yelled angry. ‘Do not listen to him, this is your destiny’ the other man cried again. ‘Their is no such thing as destiny, it’s a hollow word made up by cowards to afraid to live there own lives’ the second man yelled even louder. Suddenly they became quiet. I’m offering you a way out, the first men said simply. He nodded at his dagger. The second men smiled, so am I, he replied and suddenly a horse appeared just outside the cave. ‘Don’t be a coward’, the first men said. ‘You know what you must do’, ‘you have dreamed of this moment for the last fifteen years. ‘Giving up is the cowards way’, the second men cut in. ‘Jump on the horse and leave now’! ‘The people out there don’t want you, you are a freak’ the first men was yelling again. ‘You are a freak if you stay here’, ‘do not ruin yourself because you are afraid’. Fear leads only to hate, hate for others, and hate for yourself’, the second men yelled equally loud.
‘Enough of this’, it was almost a whisper but yet he could hear it louder then the yelling of the two men together.
Out of the shadows stepped a third man. He was small and dressed in rags and obviously afraid to look at him. The other two became quite and awaited what the first man was going to say. ‘Your choice’, he whispered.
Suddenly the man felt like he was all alone in the cave. He looked at the dagger, then at the horse. Both a way out.
Suddenly his fear of death became as bad as his fear for live, he pushed the group aside and jumped on the horse.
The second man smiled, I knew you would choose that. Before his eyes, the other two men started to change. The third man no longer wore rags and started to grow rapidly. He looked at the first man and suddenly screamed in fear and disgust. The bandage was gone and he was now looking at an empty skull. A second later, the skeleton looked just like the second man. Wearing a beautiful armour and a massive sword.
The men blinked, not sure what to think of this. The three didn’t move, they seemed to await his answer. ‘Thanks you’, he said eventually.
All of them smiled and started walking back into the cave. ‘Wait’, he yelled. ‘Who are you’?
The second man turned around, ‘I am you’, he said. The first man turned around as well, ‘ I am the person you desire to be’. Finally the third man answered, ‘ I am the person you think you are’ he said louder and more confident then before. The three disappeared into the cave, and the man into the woods.

[Legolas]

It doesn't suck at all [img]smile.gif[/img]

I think you'd make a good writer, just take out a few spelling errors and you have a very interesting start to a story. The man's history is something you could (should) write out if you decide to continue the tale, and I can tell you you've made me curious already.

Oh, and I've found using capital letters in the names of places to be quite effective, they somehow make them seem more alive.

Wood of Scales... Quite original

[Talthyr Malkaviel]

Now, I could say a lot of things about that, but one of them would NOT be that it sucks.
I found the beginning really refreshing and original, I think it was really good, only thing is what Legolas said, about spellings, but that isn't nearly as important as the content.