Vicotnik's chamber of laughter

[Donut]

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

You can't wash your hands in a buffalo!

What is black and white and eats like a horse?

A Zebra!

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The Truth is in the Profile

[Gray Mage]

An American is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread,
butter & jam when a Canadian man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The
American ignores the Canadian who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:
Canadian: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"
American (in a bad mood): "Of course."
Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Canada, We
only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it,
transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Canadian
has a smirk on his face.
The American listens in silence.
The Canadian persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"
American: "Of Course."
Canadian: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't.
In Canada we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels,
seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam
and sell the jam to the states."
The American then asks: "Do you have sex in Canada?"
Canadian: "Why of course we do", the Canadian says with a big smirk.
American: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Canadian: "We throw them away, of course."
American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle them,
melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Canada.



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Feel My Power

Arcane Adept of the OHF, "So let it be written, So let it be done"

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother,
"Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."

The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her
cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How do you make
babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i'
and add 'es'."



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When given a choice, take both.

FUNNY THOUGHTS:
"If at first you don't succeed ... don't try skydiving." - anon


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When given a choice, take both.

QUICK WIT:

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says
after that is the beginning of a new argument.



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When given a choice, take both.

A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $400 to
do
what I do for you for free!"

The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS
bags.

"And just what do you think you are doing?" she asked.

"Going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you live on $800 a
year!"



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When given a choice, take both.

[Vicotnik]

"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him at the bar.

"How do you know?" the friend asked.

"She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said that she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley."

"So?"

"So she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister, Shirley."


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Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

[Vicotnik]

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.

The pharmacist replies, "Yes, we do. Would you like to buy some?"

She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"
---
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her
minister.

"Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a dreadful fight!"

"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight."

"I know, I know," said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"
---
This guy was sitting in his attorney's office.

His lawyer said, "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?"

"Give me the bad news first."

"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."

"That's the bad news?" asked the man incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."

"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."


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Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

Special for today

Jake walks into a bar, sits down and says, "Bartender, got any
specials
today?"
Bartender says, "Yes, we have mixture of Pabst Blue Ribbon and
Smirnoff Vodka."
Jake says, "Damn, what the hell is that?"
Bartender says, "Well we call it a 'Pabst Smir'!"


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When given a choice, take both.

Homework

One day a kid went to school and the teacher said, "For homework, I
want you to find out the difference between 'hypothetically' and
'realistically'." So the kid went home and asked his father, "Dad, what's the
difference between 'hypothetically' and 'realistically'?" His father replied, "Ask you mother if she'd sleep with somebody for a million dollars." The son sort of looked at his father funny, but proceeded. "Mom, would you sleep with someone for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Well son, that is quite a large sum of money...I think I would." So the son went back to his father and said, "Dad, Mom said she would do it, but I just don't understand, what does that have to do with 'hypothetically' and 'realistically'?" The father
replied, "Don't worry about it, just ask your sister if she'd do it."
Reluctantly the boy went and asked his sister. She replied, "A million dollars? OF COURSE I WOULD DO IT!!" So, the boy returned once again to his father
saying, "Dad, she said she'd do it too, but I still don't understand, what
does that have to do with 'hypothetically' and 'realistically'?" The father
replied, "Well son, HYPOTHETICALLY we're sitting on two million dollars,
REALISTICALLY, we're living with a couple of whores!"
> > >


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When given a choice, take both.