Schoolbullies..

[RoSs_bg2_rox]

I agree about violence not being the answer. I used to get bullied a bit (in a way) and after getting pissed off one time in the middle of science I smacked this guy in the face twice and made him bleed. At the time I was 13 (so was he) and he started to crying and I got into major Sh*t. So dont go for violence.

[johnny]

One would also be wise to listen to Johnny on this.

[img]graemlins/showoff.gif[/img]

[Downunda]

what worked for me everytime was smile at the bully and give a 'look' of "My god, you are such a retard" and continue about my business of course if they bugged me nuff I'd lay em out

[T/-/alali]

I was bullied in elementary school for my wieght(witch I finally got rid of!!!) It doesn't end untill you show them up in something or knock the crap outta them. [img]tongue.gif[/img] And ignoring doesn't work, but laughing at them does. Turn it around on them a bit. Like if they say your fat or something say, your not so skinny yourself, or something like that. It worked for me relatively well, so best of luck to your sister!

[Aelia Jusa]

It's all very well to advise violence as a solution - however when the bully comes back with his friends and his big brother and his big brother's friend and they beat you to a bloody pulp, you may wish you hadn't popped him one. And it does happen, especially if the bully is hit in front of people, which will embarrass them. Bullies are generally very insecure people, and bully in order to make themselves feel more powerful and important.

I don't think there is one method that will always work to stop a bully - ignoring will work sometimes, turning it back on them will work sometimes, violence will work sometimes, but every bully and situation is different. The best way is prevention - bullies pick people who are easy targets - those who have low self confidence and won't be able to fight back effectively. It doesn't necessarily matter if you're fat, or really tall, or have a lisp, or are really smart, or wear the 'wrong clothes' or are gay, or any of the hundreds of other reasons - if you're confident and any of those things, bullies soon get that it's a waste of time and move onto someone else.

I think bullying will only stop when there is a major shift in the way bullying is dealt with in schools, and in the attitudes of other students towards bullies and bullying. Most of the time there is tacit approval of bullying because those not being targetted work on a 'thank god it's not me' basis and do very little, or nothing. There is also the severely misguided 'honour system' where students, even those being bullied don't 'tell on' the bullies. And school adminstrations often can do very little if there is no actual physical bullying, just mental and emotional. It's a difficult situation.

[Arledrian]

I'm sorry to hear about your sister, Pets. Maybe it wont be as bad as you think, though. It all depends on how she fits in and how the others in her environment perceive her over time, which is something you can never really tell beforehand. I'm not sure that being overweight outrightly makes her a target for bullying, so I reckon you should wait a while and see if this one girl is just a pest that will ease off after a little while, because for now, it doesn't seem like the bullying is too intense. So let's hope for the best.

I was only bullied for about a week in my school years. I'd just started a new year with lots of different people and for some reason, a small group of them felt the need to pick on me. This had only been going on for a few days, when one day in the changing rooms of the gym, I just walked up to one of them and headbutted him. He fell backwards and I could hear everyone gasp, and say things along the lines of: "he's crazy, man, crazy!" after which they developed a certain respect for me. Funnily enough, most of them became some of my best friends later on in life.

I'm not saying that your sister should go and headbutt anyone, but it worked for me. There is no one solution to any of this, it's all dependant on circumstances. So hang in there, be there for her, talk to her a lot, and deal with the problems together, if and when they arise. Good luck to the both of you [img]smile.gif[/img]

[drew_jarvie]

Bullying is truely one of the most depressing and sorrowful things in life. It is appaling and when you analyse what is actually happening it seems so petty and un-needed you wonder why people do it.

But first things first. You NEED to support your sister, it will be very difficult for her at the moment. Also, if she has any friends that are fully behind her (i.e not using these insults in a harmful way) perhaps you could try talking to them on a serious note and try to talk them into supporting her. You need to find from your sister who she trusts and if these trustworthy friends can prove reliable in her time of need, you should try to convince them to stop using this name(s) even at a jest and that it needs to stop here and now.

Also, Im not sure which country you are from but here in Scotland, we have a guidance system within the school which people can go to to seek help on personal matters. If your school has this teacher, it might be an idea to have a serious yet small and passing reference to this bullying to your guidance teacher ; this may prove to be a power of good. If such a teacher does not exist in the country you live in, consult a teacher you can trust of these events.

As far as violence in concerned, do NOT resort to it unless necessary, certainly not if you know the people have other, more powerful people fighting in their corner.

It has been mentionned before in this thread how every just accepts bullying with the "phew" factor when people realise it is not them being bullied and just ignore it, so that the attention is not focussed on them. It is a factor off life that people will try to stay neutral with most people to avoid conflict and so to interfere in a war of words (or one sided as the case may be) is truly a brave gesture and one of true courage.

So overall dude, be there for her but do not pressurise her into anything. It is highly likely that this issue will clear over once the next "big gossip" circulates around the school and all will be dwarfed by the tide of more present issues. Such lesbian and gay accusations are harmless though and it may be worth inquiring further to see how serious this slagging is. Also, after such a day at school she will probably be looking forward to coming home so try and make her feel like she is safe and enjoys it.

I wish all the best to you and your sister.

Drew...


EDIT) Spelling

[ 01-30-2004, 06:18 PM: Message edited by: drew_jarvie ]

[Sagramore]

The realy only good thing i know about bullying, is that it will be over soon...i was bullied in Junior High and thought it would never end...my sister helped me get through it. BAM! high school! people started getting more mature/ i didn't see the bullies anymore...I found a group of kids who i liked to hang around with and we're all the same and such...it'll pass, i say...im really glad everyone is giving such sound advice on this serious topic ...

[InjaYew]

I gave a longer and more thoughtful post on this topic, but then the $#%$#!!! server timed out on me and I lost it. >:

Short answer: Help your sis think up some funny and smart aleck come backs to some of the stuff the bully routinely says to her. That way she can embarrass him back and not be such an easy target. However, she does need to be prepared at all times for violence since that's how many bullies operate. Judo is also a good bully humiliation tool. Use it ... judiciously.

Unfortunately silence is seen as weakness by these types. It's not a viable option (even though it is prolly the most mature) if she wants the bullying to stop.

[Vaskez]

Originally posted by johnny: quote: Originally posted by LordKathen: The bottom line is to not let the bully win. Ignoring the bully will work eventually, but you have to not just ignore them, but act like they are not even there and having no effect on you. If you show even a small sign of them getting in your head, they are winning. I was bullied a lot as a young kid. I would either yell back at them, try to ignore them, tell an adult, etc. Nothing really worked untill the day I shocked everyone. I will never forget his name. Sid Mccord. Or the look on his face when I, out of the blue, halled of and punched him square in the nose! Violance is not always the answer, but it will usually get a "respected" response from your adversary.

Ignoring the bully won't work, they usually see it as an act of weakness. There's only one way to deal with it, and it ends straight on the nose. [/QUOTE]Hmm that worked in your school did it? If anyone tried that at our school the bully's gang would come with knives and baseball bats. No, the only thing that worked was laughing it off or trying to ignore it, or you had to somehow win their respect which is the way I got out of it

What happened was: there were 3 of them and me in a classroom and one of them was randomly trying to punch me in the face ...erm as you do. Anyway, so I didn't wanna attack back cos it was 1 against 3, but I grabbed both his wrists and I was a lot stronger than him so he couldn't move. His mates just started laughing at him and that was kinda the turning point. I never REALLY got picked on badly (except by girls who just liked to wind me up ) cos I was always one of the biggest and everyone knew that if they REALLY pissed me off I would fight back hard.

[ 01-30-2004, 09:25 PM: Message edited by: Vaskez ]