News on the French Riots

Arvon · 11-16-2005, 01:43 PM

AP and UPI reported that after the rioting in Paris,the French
government today raised its terror alert level from RUN, to HIDE
on their four level danger scale. The two higher danger levels are
Surrender and Collaborate.
According to informed sources, the rise was precipitated by a fire
yesterday which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing their military.

ZFR · 11-16-2005, 02:05 PM

More news:

U.S. Preparing Assistance to French
President Bush May Send Marines to Assist French

President Bush has authorized the Joint Chiefs to begin drawing up a battle plan to pull France's ass out of the fire once again.

Facing an apparent overwhelming force of up to 400 pissed off teenagers Mr. Bush doubts France's ability to hold off the little bastards.

According to Bush "Hell, if the last two world wars are any indication, I would expect France to surrender any day now.”

Joint Chiefs head, Gen. Peter Pace, warned the President that it might be necessary to send upwards of three, possibly five marines to Paris to get things under control. The general admitted that 5 marines may be overkill but he wanted to get this thing under control within 24 hours of arriving on scene.

Gen. Peter Pace admitted however that he was having a difficult time finding even one marine willing to help those ungrateful bastards out for a third time. The General was however certain that he could persuade a few women Air Force members to do the job before they went on pregnancy leave.

President Bush asked Gen. Pace to get our marines out of there as soon as possible after order was restored.

He also reminded Gen. Pace to make sure that any soldiers sent did not take soap, razors, or deodorant with them. According to the President, “the less they stand out the better.”

Thoran · 11-17-2005, 09:30 PM

Standard Disclaimer - I've been to france a couple times... it's a very nice country... but they laugh at us so, well... turnabout [img]smile.gif[/img] :

France has neither winter nor summer nor morals.
Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
Mark Twain.

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
General George S. Patton.

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
Norman Schwartzkopf.

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
Rush Limbaugh,

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
Regis Philbin.

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore.

True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses
of whisky I don't know."
P.J O'Rourke (1989).

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona.

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein?
Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people!"
Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either"
Jay Leno.

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
David Letterman

Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada.
Ted Nugent.

War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II.
The favorite bumper sticker in Washington now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'"
Tom Brokaw.

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?"
Dennis Miller.

"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us."
Alan Kent

"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house."
Argus Hamilton

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'"
Rep. Roy Blunt (MO)

"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq."
Dennis Miller

Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if you
are French.

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried."
Rep. R. Blount (MO)

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining."
John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
(AP), Paris, March 5, 2003
The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney.

The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

[ 11-17-2005, 09:33 PM: Message edited by: Thoran ]

Sir Degrader · 11-17-2005, 09:37 PM

Disgusting. Have you forgotten Verdun? Diem Bien Phu? Algeria? You people make me sick.

Lord · 11-17-2005, 09:38 PM

thoran those were hilarious. Great quotes.

Lanesra · 11-19-2005, 10:54 AM

Heh Heh! They are good ones. What a shame there are no Frenchies on this board.

Why is that?

Sir Degrader · 11-19-2005, 11:07 AM

French Cowardice?

And Lanesra, there are French members on these boards.

uss · 11-19-2005, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lanesra:
Heh Heh! They are good ones. What a shame there are no Frenchies on this board.

A shame since they can't laugh at the jokes? Or since they can't feel disgusted at the sheer ignorance and insults that they contain?

shamrock_uk · 11-19-2005, 12:49 PM

Nice link Sir D. I know a joke is a joke, but still...kicking a country when it's already down is a bit harsh

To the list Sir D provided, I would add the D-Day landings and (the one that American's love to forget!) thwarting the British in the American War of Independence.

As for the idea that they don't fight and the jokes referring to inviting the Germans into Paris - that does a great disservice to the 250,000 French and 12,733 British troops who died defending Paris against an overwhelming German attack in the 1st Battle of the Marne. The French fought tooth and nail and had to resort to taxis to bring 6,000 reinforcements to the battlefield in a desperate attempt to halt the advance.

JrKASperov · 11-19-2005, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Thoran:
"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq."
Dennis Miller

I found this quote to be funny.

Especially since Dennis Miller must feel ashamed that there WERE NO WMD's in Iraq. [img]smile.gif[/img]

11-16-2005, 01:43 PM	#1
Arvon Unicorn Join Date: October 4, 2001 Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus Posts: 4,212	AP and UPI reported that after the rioting in Paris,the French government today raised its terror alert level from RUN, to HIDE on their four level danger scale. The two higher danger levels are Surrender and Collaborate. According to informed sources, the rise was precipitated by a fire yesterday which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing their military. __________________ 53.7% of all statistics are made up

11-16-2005, 02:05 PM	#2
ZFR Legion Symbol Join Date: February 14, 2002 Location: Ireland Age: 39 Posts: 7,367	More news: U.S. Preparing Assistance to French President Bush May Send Marines to Assist French President Bush has authorized the Joint Chiefs to begin drawing up a battle plan to pull France's ass out of the fire once again. Facing an apparent overwhelming force of up to 400 pissed off teenagers Mr. Bush doubts France's ability to hold off the little bastards. According to Bush "Hell, if the last two world wars are any indication, I would expect France to surrender any day now.” Joint Chiefs head, Gen. Peter Pace, warned the President that it might be necessary to send upwards of three, possibly five marines to Paris to get things under control. The general admitted that 5 marines may be overkill but he wanted to get this thing under control within 24 hours of arriving on scene. Gen. Peter Pace admitted however that he was having a difficult time finding even one marine willing to help those ungrateful bastards out for a third time. The General was however certain that he could persuade a few women Air Force members to do the job before they went on pregnancy leave. President Bush asked Gen. Pace to get our marines out of there as soon as possible after order was restored. He also reminded Gen. Pace to make sure that any soldiers sent did not take soap, razors, or deodorant with them. According to the President, “the less they stand out the better.” __________________ ZFR

11-17-2005, 09:38 PM	#5
Lord Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: June 3, 2003 Location: New York Age: 39 Posts: 3,302	thoran those were hilarious. Great quotes. __________________ "You're a thief and a liar." "No, I only lied about being a thief."

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11-17-2005, 09:30 PM	#3
Thoran Galvatron Join Date: January 10, 2002 Location: Upstate NY Age: 56 Posts: 2,109	Standard Disclaimer - I've been to france a couple times... it's a very nice country... but they laugh at us so, well... turnabout [img]smile.gif[/img] : France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." Mark Twain. "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." General George S. Patton. "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." Norman Schwartzkopf. "We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." Marge Simpson "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure" Jacques Chirac, President of France "As far as France is concerned, you're right." Rush Limbaugh, "The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." Regis Philbin. "The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't know." P.J O'Rourke (1989). "You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona. "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people!" Conan O'Brien "I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either" Jay Leno. "The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." David Letterman Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada. Ted Nugent. War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II. The favorite bumper sticker in Washington now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'" Tom Brokaw. "What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?" Dennis Miller. "It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us." Alan Kent "They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." Argus Hamilton "Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'" Rep. Roy Blunt (MO) "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq." Dennis Miller Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if you are French. Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII? A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur? "Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried." Rep. R. Blount (MO) "Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv. The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military. French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney (AP), Paris, March 5, 2003 The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists. [ 11-17-2005, 09:33 PM: Message edited by: Thoran ]

11-17-2005, 09:37 PM	#4
Sir Degrader Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom Join Date: November 3, 2001 Location: Canada Age: 63 Posts: 2,871	Disgusting. Have you forgotten Verdun? Diem Bien Phu? Algeria? You people make me sick.

11-19-2005, 10:54 AM	#6
Lanesra Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 29, 2001 Location: Twititania, Europe Age: 63 Posts: 1,221	Heh Heh! They are good ones. What a shame there are no Frenchies on this board. Why is that?

11-19-2005, 11:07 AM	#7
Sir Degrader Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom Join Date: November 3, 2001 Location: Canada Age: 63 Posts: 2,871	French Cowardice? And Lanesra, there are French members on these boards.

11-19-2005, 12:49 PM	#9
shamrock_uk Dracolich Join Date: January 24, 2004 Location: UK Age: 41 Posts: 3,092	Nice link Sir D. I know a joke is a joke, but still...kicking a country when it's already down is a bit harsh To the list Sir D provided, I would add the D-Day landings and (the one that American's love to forget!) thwarting the British in the American War of Independence. As for the idea that they don't fight and the jokes referring to inviting the Germans into Paris - that does a great disservice to the 250,000 French and 12,733 British troops who died defending Paris against an overwhelming German attack in the 1st Battle of the Marne. The French fought tooth and nail and had to resort to taxis to bring 6,000 reinforcements to the battlefield in a desperate attempt to halt the advance.

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