Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear From a Texan. (PG-13)

RudeDawg · 07-09-2001, 05:09 PM

Ten Things You'll Never Hear From A Texas Boy...

Rated PG-13

1. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.

2. You can't feed that to the dog.

3. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

4. Trim the fat off that steak.

5. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

6. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

7. Duct tape won't fix that.

8. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

9. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

10. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin'.

*snif* I love my home...

------------------

The RudeDawg, known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
"Let them come, Let them ALL come."
-"Ender says, 'The enemy is down.' "

RudeDawg · 07-09-2001, 05:12 PM

An old joke, but I like it...

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

------------------

The RudeDawg, known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
"Let them come, Let them ALL come."
-"Ender says, 'The enemy is down.' "

07-09-2001, 05:16 PM

LOL Rudy! More hilarious but true funnies!

That "You can't feed that to the dog." also applies to the cats in this house, well, where Grandpa is concerned anyway! I have seen him toss them bananas, watermelon, and even spoon cereal and milk onto the floor to share.

You live in one of the best Texas Cities! I say that because I just found out last night where Eric Johnson is from.

He is supposed to play San Antonio this month...I am praying I have not missed the show already! Ah, well, if I have at least I know he lives close enough that I can make sure I schedule a show in the future!

Moni

------------------

RudeDawg · 07-09-2001, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Moni:
You live in one of the best Texas Cities! I say that because I just found out last night where Eric Johnson is from.

Moni

You missed it. Bourbon went to the show on Friday.

MY Eric Johnson story... I went to the SteamBoat on 6th street (Years ago) to watch a local Blues/Rock band called the Headhunters. After the first set, the lead singer walks back onto the stage, and announces that they were asked to cancel the rest of the show.

We were FURIOUS!!!!

I mean, we had paid FIVE DOLLARS for cover!!!

The crowd was starting to grumble, then roar, when EJ walks on the stage, alone with his Strat...

"I've got a new CD coming out. I'd like to try some new stuff." he says, and starts to play what we later learned to be SRV...

Venus Isle... what a great disc. and I heard it LIVE, before release...

I LOVE AUSTIN, TX

------------------

The RudeDawg, known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
"Let them come, Let them ALL come."
-"Ender says, 'The enemy is down.' "

07-09-2001, 05:38 PM

Agh! I kinda figured I missed it. CRAP!

Oh! You are so lucky!
I saw him in a tiny bar in Tucson when "Ah Via Musicom" was released. The place was so small that he and I actually made eye contact on more than one ocassion. He acknowledged my presence and entuhsiam for his talent. Yummy lol! But how could he miss me? I was in a black spandex mini-dress and standing on the table against the wall about ten feet from the stage. I WILL make a future show! I doubt if I'll be wearing a black spandex minidress LOL but I will be there!

Moni

------------------

Fljotsdale · 07-09-2001, 05:40 PM

I nearly didn't click on this - what with the pg13 - but I'm glad I did! Very gigglesome, lol!

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Ramon de Ramon y Ramon · 07-09-2001, 05:48 PM

Gigglesome ? Nice word creation ! And with all due respect, ma'am, the notion of you giggling like a schoolgirl makes me, uh, oh, giggle

------------------
So long !

R³ - proud to be the official spokesman for the most noble Lady Bilqis, Desert Rose of Ironworks

Btw, the cow is queuing in the slaughterhouse right now !

RudeDawg · 07-09-2001, 05:52 PM

another joke....

A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

"Oh dad," the boy sobbed, "when I was 6 I got the there's no Santa speech. At 7, I got the there's no Easter Bunny speech. When I Was 8, you hit me with the there's no Tooth Fairy' speech. If you tell me that grown-ups don't really have sex, I'll have nothing left to live for."

------------------

The RudeDawg, known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
"Let them come, Let them ALL come."
-"Ender says, 'The enemy is down.' "

RudeDawg · 07-09-2001, 05:54 PM

A man said to his wife, "Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in our road except one."
And she said, "I'll bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis at number 23."

------------------

The RudeDawg, known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
"Let them come, Let them ALL come."
-"Ender says, 'The enemy is down.' "

Fljotsdale · 07-09-2001, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ramon de Ramon y Ramon:
Gigglesome ? Nice word creation ! And with all due respect, ma'am, the notion of you giggling like a schoolgirl makes me, uh, oh, giggle

Sure, I giggle!

Doesn't matter how old a girl is...

------------------

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07-09-2001, 05:09 PM	#1
RudeDawg 20th Level Warrior Join Date: April 9, 2001 Location: Dallas, Tx, USA Age: 55 Posts: 2,830	Ten Things You'll Never Hear From A Texas Boy... Rated PG-13 1. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen. 2. You can't feed that to the dog. 3. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy. 4. Trim the fat off that steak. 5. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's. 6. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? 7. Duct tape won't fix that. 8. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today. 9. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad. 10. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin'. snif I love my home... ------------------ The RudeDawg, known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes "Let them come, Let them ALL come." -"Ender says, 'The enemy is down.' "

07-09-2001, 05:12 PM	#2
RudeDawg 20th Level Warrior Join Date: April 9, 2001 Location: Dallas, Tx, USA Age: 55 Posts: 2,830	An old joke, but I like it... A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." ------------------ The RudeDawg, known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes "Let them come, Let them ALL come." -"Ender says, 'The enemy is down.' "

07-09-2001, 05:16 PM	#3
Moni Guest Posts: n/a	LOL Rudy! More hilarious but true funnies! That "You can't feed that to the dog." also applies to the cats in this house, well, where Grandpa is concerned anyway! I have seen him toss them bananas, watermelon, and even spoon cereal and milk onto the floor to share. You live in one of the best Texas Cities! I say that because I just found out last night where Eric Johnson is from. He is supposed to play San Antonio this month...I am praying I have not missed the show already! Ah, well, if I have at least I know he lives close enough that I can make sure I schedule a show in the future! Moni ------------------

07-09-2001, 05:38 PM	#5
Moni Guest Posts: n/a	Agh! I kinda figured I missed it. CRAP! Oh! You are so lucky! I saw him in a tiny bar in Tucson when "Ah Via Musicom" was released. The place was so small that he and I actually made eye contact on more than one ocassion. He acknowledged my presence and entuhsiam for his talent. Yummy lol! But how could he miss me? I was in a black spandex mini-dress and standing on the table against the wall about ten feet from the stage. I WILL make a future show! I doubt if I'll be wearing a black spandex minidress LOL but I will be there! Moni ------------------

07-09-2001, 05:40 PM	#6
Fljotsdale Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom Join Date: March 12, 2001 Location: Birmingham, West Mid\'s, England Age: 87 Posts: 2,859	I nearly didn't click on this - what with the pg13 - but I'm glad I did! Very gigglesome, lol! ------------------

07-09-2001, 05:48 PM	#7
Ramon de Ramon y Ramon Red Dragon Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Cologne, North Rhine-Westphalia, Germany Age: 52 Posts: 1,517	Gigglesome ? Nice word creation ! And with all due respect, ma'am, the notion of you giggling like a schoolgirl makes me, uh, oh, giggle ------------------ So long ! R³ - proud to be the official spokesman for the most noble Lady Bilqis, Desert Rose of Ironworks Btw, the cow is queuing in the slaughterhouse right now !

07-09-2001, 05:52 PM	#8
RudeDawg 20th Level Warrior Join Date: April 9, 2001 Location: Dallas, Tx, USA Age: 55 Posts: 2,830	another joke.... A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me." Confused, the father asked what was wrong. "Oh dad," the boy sobbed, "when I was 6 I got the there's no Santa speech. At 7, I got the there's no Easter Bunny speech. When I Was 8, you hit me with the there's no Tooth Fairy' speech. If you tell me that grown-ups don't really have sex, I'll have nothing left to live for." ------------------ The RudeDawg, known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes "Let them come, Let them ALL come." -"Ender says, 'The enemy is down.' "

07-09-2001, 05:54 PM	#9
RudeDawg 20th Level Warrior Join Date: April 9, 2001 Location: Dallas, Tx, USA Age: 55 Posts: 2,830	A man said to his wife, "Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in our road except one." And she said, "I'll bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis at number 23." ------------------ The RudeDawg, known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes "Let them come, Let them ALL come." -"Ender says, 'The enemy is down.' "

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