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11-04-2003, 09:05 PM
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#1 |
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Lord Ao
 Join Date: June 24, 2002
Location: Nevernever Land
Age: 49
Posts: 2,002
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Needs polish, but I thought I'd share ...
Mists of Midnight Peace broken. Hope shattered. Dreams fleating. Nothing matters Since you've gone. In a blink everything is wrong. Now all has faded. Colors run. Skys are grey. Silence deepens In the haze Of the mists at Midnight. The torment rages on and on. Now that you are not with me. Dazed, not awake, yet not asleep . It's times like these that I pray For the mists at Midnight. Chilled fever. Raging ice. Chance meetings Always fight Since you've been gone. Stoney thrills are all we have now. All is gone. Our past is wasted. The torment rages on and on. Now that you are not with me. Dazed, not awake, yet not asleep . It's times like these that I pray For the mists at Midnight. Red bleeding. Dawn breaks. Day deepens And burns away Those cold mists of Midnight.
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[url]\"http://www.duryea.org/pinky/gurkin.wav\" target=\"_blank\">AYPWIP?</a> .... <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[1ponder]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/1ponder.gif\" /> <br />\"I think so Brain, but isn\'t a cucumber that small called a gherkin?\"<br />  <br />Shut UP! Pinky!
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11-05-2003, 01:05 AM
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#2 |
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Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom
 Join Date: May 10, 2002
Location: Dunedin, New Zealand.
Age: 42
Posts: 2,860
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That's some emphatic writing there Night Stalker. Something wrong?
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[img]\"hosted/Hierophant.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /><br />Strewth! |
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11-05-2003, 12:22 PM
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#3 |
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Lord Ao
Join Date: June 24, 2002
Location: Nevernever Land
Age: 49
Posts: 2,002
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Actually ........ no. I'm doing quite fine. Thanks for asking though H.
I was watching this movie that had a broken heart as one of the over reaching themes, and the muse struck me. Besides, it's not completly dark. At the end dawn breaks the night and starts a new day.
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[url]\"http://www.duryea.org/pinky/gurkin.wav\" target=\"_blank\">AYPWIP?</a> .... <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[1ponder]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/1ponder.gif\" /> <br />\"I think so Brain, but isn\'t a cucumber that small called a gherkin?\"<br /> <br />Shut UP! Pinky!
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11-05-2003, 03:51 PM
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#4 |
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Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom
Join Date: May 10, 2002
Location: Dunedin, New Zealand.
Age: 42
Posts: 2,860
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Glad to hear it.
Well, you write well. You have a good way of capturing descriptive ideas. As a prose piece I think it works very well, if you mean for it to be metered poetry then you may have to work on tightening up the beats per line. But overall, I like it [img]smile.gif[/img] Keep it up [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]
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[img]\"hosted/Hierophant.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /><br />Strewth! |
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