25 things you should have learned by Middle Age

AngelofDeath · 02-19-2002, 07:59 PM

I hope this helps evryone appeoaching middle age....

1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never
tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government
program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the
trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so
good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the
waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three
weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a
mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real
world.

25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

Galadria · 02-19-2002, 08:39 PM

LOL. How about, "Never attribute something to malice that can satisfactorily be explained by stupidity." or "A horrible ending is better than horrors without end."

Roxi · 02-19-2002, 09:31 PM

These are just great! And most so true. I loved them.

[img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img]

Grand-Ranger · 02-20-2002, 01:48 AM

LOL, I liked 1 and 13.

Mellagar · 02-20-2002, 02:14 AM

how about "Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean their not out to get you."

John D Harris · 02-20-2002, 04:40 AM

LOL! I am where and doing that.

J'aran · 02-20-2002, 06:12 AM

quote:
Originally posted by AngelofDeath:
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

Hah! That's gonna be my new motto in life.

EDIT: Wait a sec, if I look at my life so far, it seems that this has been my motto all along.

[ 02-20-2002: Message edited by: J'aran ]

Sir Byronas · 02-20-2002, 08:54 AM

LOL. I really liked 9 [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

02-19-2002, 07:59 PM	#1
AngelofDeath Drizzt Do'Urden Join Date: June 11, 2001 Location: Wherever the road takes me..... Age: 53 Posts: 609	I hope this helps evryone appeoaching middle age.... 1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. 20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. 24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. 25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat. __________________ I am the Angel of Death You Can Not Hide

02-19-2002, 08:39 PM	#2
Galadria 20th Level Warrior Join Date: November 3, 2001 Location: Texas Age: 54 Posts: 2,830	LOL. How about, "Never attribute something to malice that can satisfactorily be explained by stupidity." or "A horrible ending is better than horrors without end." __________________ Lady Galadria,Goddess\' Equal of the O.R.T.; [img]\"http://havak.db-forge.com/portraits/bitmaps/wlf180L.bmp\" alt=\" - \" /><br />\"Romance at short notice was her specialty.\" - Saki <br />Founder of the IW Branch of the Anti-Anomen Society

02-19-2002, 09:31 PM	#3
Roxi Manshoon Join Date: January 28, 2002 Location: USA Posts: 152	These are just great! And most so true. I loved them. [img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img] __________________

02-20-2002, 01:48 AM	#4
Grand-Ranger Galvatron Join Date: March 29, 2001 Location: Everywhere I wanna go its already where I am,cause I am already there Posts: 2,130	LOL, I liked 1 and 13. __________________ <br /><br />So if in the shaddows look behind you, because thats where the ranger will be.

02-20-2002, 04:40 AM	#6
John D Harris Ninja Storm Shadow Join Date: March 27, 2001 Location: Northport,Alabama, USA Age: 62 Posts: 3,577	LOL! I am where and doing that. __________________ Crustiest of the OLD COOTS "Donating mirrors for years to help the Liberal/Socialist find their collective rear-ends, because both hands doesn't seem to be working. Veitnam 61-65:KIA 1864 66:KIA 5008 67:KIA 9378 68:KIA 14594 69:KIA 9414 70:KIA 4221 71:KIA 1380 72:KIA 300 Afghanistan2001-2008 KIA 585 2009-2012 KIA 1465 and counting Davros 1 Much abliged Massachusetts

02-20-2002, 02:14 AM	#5
Mellagar Avatar Join Date: June 16, 2001 Location: Far from where I was, nearer where I wish. Age: 41 Posts: 563	how about "Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean their not out to get you."

02-20-2002, 06:12 AM	#7
J'aran Mephistopheles Join Date: December 12, 2001 Location: Fryslân, The Netherlands Age: 44 Posts: 1,493	quote: Originally posted by AngelofDeath: 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. Hah! That's gonna be my new motto in life. EDIT: Wait a sec, if I look at my life so far, it seems that this has been my motto all along. [ 02-20-2002: Message edited by: J'aran ]

02-20-2002, 08:54 AM	#8
Sir Byronas Mephistopheles Join Date: October 2, 2001 Location: Greece Age: 35 Posts: 1,463	LOL. I really liked 9 [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] __________________ <br />I\'ve searched the whole world and ended up back in Ironworks. Home sweet home!

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