Am I A Fool? Sadness...

[Beaumanoir]

I just broke up with my girlfriend yeh, And I'm wonder If I should of... I really like her but because she lives quite a distance away from me I only see her every weekend or, in many cases, every fortnight... And It drove me mad. When I was with her I didn't think of the distance at all beause I really liked her. But it just got hard never seeing her. I tried telling myself that I should be able to manage the mid-week till i could see her but it got very hard...

Have I done the right thing?

[Lord]

I'd hate to make you feel bad about this, but you want an honest answer:

I don't think you should have broken up with your girlfriend. You shouldn't ever let physical distance keep two people apart. My girlfriend goes to a different university than I do, so I only see her every weekend or every other weekend, pretty much like you. But I could never imagine breaking up with her just because we live a few hours away from each other. I suppose it's too late for you to turn back right now, but it's always worth a try to try to get back to her, as long as you completely explain why you thought you needed to break up in the first place. Just remember, it never hurts to try

[Stormymystic]

I agree with lord on that one buea

[Arledrian]

I wouldn't have split up with her either.

Try and convince yourself that the distance between you two only makes the time you spend together more special. Look forward to seeing her, make it your aim to get through the week so that you can see her as a reward at the end of it all, as opposed to worrying about why you're not with her right here, right now. Always think ahead to the next time you two meet; what you'll do, what you'll say to her. In the days apart from each other, daydream freely, write her poems, letters, or sweet emails; there's always ways to communicate, no matter the distance. Failing this, there's always the phone. Give her a call and tell her what she means to you.

In short, there's always a way to get through the rough times, even when you think you can't take it anymore. In a way though, you're very lucky; so many relationships fall apart due to the fact that couples are on top of each other all the time, with no breathing space. Familiarity breeds contempt - and it's very often true.

Count your blessings, my friend. It's not easy to find a girl you're crazy about. There's still time to reverse all this, so if you truly care about her and still want her in your life, give her a call and tell her you want her back [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Beaumanoir]

Hey honest answers are what I'm here for.. Bugger. lol. I know I keep telling myself I'm a bastard. And like I said I really tried but It was drivin me mad cause, I wont deny this, I'm a terrible flirt I flirt with Everybody I meet. I was apparently flirting with my cousin which I dont think I was but according to my friends I was. Dear dear me. Train here train there god I'm a bastard. LOL.

[Beaumanoir]

Originally posted by Arledrian: Count your blessings, my friend. It's not easy to find a girl you're crazy about. There's still time to reverse all this, so if you truly care about her and still want her in your life, give her a call and tell her you want her back [img]smile.gif[/img]

And yes I did. But maybe I'll rephrase this, I wasn't CRAZY about her as harsh as it sounds. I liked her alot yes but Crazy i was not. Very careful. She also hated phones, couldn't talk on the phone. She's also always in wales because she has lots of family there.

The way I saw it was the longer we went out and the closer we got the harsher the break-up would be because I had this pressing down on me all the time..

[The Hierophant]

If your thoughts were elsewhere then perhaps you did do the right thing. It is easy to focus on what you don't have, but harder to appreciate the things you have right in front of you. When you were with her, you obviously had doubts as to whether the relationship fulfilled you; and now that you don't have her, you can look back and think 'yeah, it actually was pretty good, maybe we should go back'. If you did get her back, you would probably go back to the old doubts again and the cycle would repeat itself.
The problem here appears to be a relationship possession syndrome You seem to focus more on the personal pleasure and satisfaction of your relationship (ie: the fun that the relationship can bring for you individually) rather than on the reciprocal partnership of patience, support and love that a healthy relationship entails. I can relate, I tend to get absorbed in myself as well man.
You just have to let this go. Be strong, and move on. Focus on the things that are in your life now, not the things you wish you had.

[Jorath Calar]

Well, being that I was on your girlfriends side of the story earlier this year, I can tell you, No you did not do the right thing. It really sucks when people break up with you, but when they say it's because you are far away it's even worse... well, I felt really worthless since she thought I was not worth the wait.

[Bungleau]

To put it in perspective... a while ago, I had a girlfriend who lived six states and 600 miles away, and went to uni five states and 550 miles away. We went out for almost a year that way, me looking out for cheap plane fares to where she was, and her father (who worked for an airline) occasionally giving her a cheap ticket to come up to see me. We certainly did use and abuse the telephone lines, let me tell you...

After a year, I'd had it. On a trip down to visit her, I told her enough was enough and asked her to marry me. Twelve years later, we're still going strong.

Was it easy during the separation part? Nope. But it did make the time together more special. Is it the answer for everyone? Nope. But it may be for you, and only you can answer that. It sounds to me like you feel that she's not "the one", and rather than spend more weeks, months, or years proving that, you'd really like to move on, uncomfortable as that is right now.

Using the distance as an excuse is invalidating, as Jorath pointed out. Then again, there's no good way to break off a relationship, and the old "let's just be friends" dialogue isn't a whole lot of fun. I think, however, that she'd respect "you're not the one for me" more than "you're too far away". I mean, what would you do if she moved next door?

Peace to you, mate. It's not an easy situation to be in or deal with.

[Ronn_Bman]

Why not continue to see each, but on a non exclusive basis?