Ridiculous Employment Letters!

Sazerac · 05-07-2001, 03:00 PM

This just came in across our wire at our school from our help-desk department. I swear, this is real. Where do they come from?? Why us??? Auggh!

_________________________________________

"I wrote the following little narrative with your job opening in The Denton Record-Chronicle with help desk support in mind.

My parents told me recently of a time when I was in kindergarten. During one of those parent/teacher meetings, my teacher told my Mom and Dad about a specific event that has stuck in my parents' minds over the years.

It seems that one of my classmates had been home sick for a few days. Perhaps it's genetic, perhaps it's learned, but when my fellow kindergarten student came back to school, I welcomed her back saying something to the effect of "I'm sorry you've been sick, it's nice to have you back at school again." Well, needless to say, this mad (sic) my parents very proud.

Ever since I can remember, I have enjoyed helping people. I also enjoy fixing things that have broken. And, when I can help fix other people's broken things, it makes me very happy.

So, to the point, I think that with my education, personality, and genetics, I am ideal for the job as one of your Help Desk technicians. Please feel free to call or e-mail me at your convenience, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you,"

(name deleted to protect the guilty).

Ladyzekke · 05-07-2001, 03:09 PM

Well Sazerac, you gotta hire him/her. Or at least hand out a lollipop. Cause of the "genetics" and all! Can't pass up good genetics you know!

Hey, I used to feed the hamster in kindergarten. That means I have extraorinary distribution skills, can I have the job? LOL!

------------------

Fljotsdale · 05-07-2001, 03:09 PM

Hmmmmmmmmmm!

------------------
Smile! Life is too short for bitching!

Fljotsdale

[This message has been edited by Fljotsdale (edited 05-07-2001).]

Sazerac · 05-07-2001, 03:24 PM

No, but I'm thinking about telling them to write the applicant back and suggest they write a book about "Chicken Soup for the IT Soul..." It'd probably be a best-seller.

Ye gods and firestones.

Raif Gwydionson · 05-07-2001, 03:28 PM

But does the person say "Bless You" after someone sneezes??

Huh??
That's the first thing that comes to mind when I write *MY* resume!!!

MILAMBER · 05-07-2001, 03:30 PM

This is not any kind of joke? I just can't imagine anybody doing that. Wow. When he was refering to his education as a qualification, was he still talking about Kindergarten? I mean seriously, if he is a Kindergarten grad, I'd give some serious thought to offering him a posisition.

------------------
"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his."
-General George Patton (1885-1945)

Father Bronze · 05-07-2001, 03:48 PM

Saz: As an English Teacher people often bring things like this to my attention, for spelling/grammar examples (poor ones) or for laughs. Over the years, I have been uniquely surprised myself.

I told my students to read pages 145-152. One student came up to me after class and commented that page 147 was a blank page and what were they supposed to read. I commented that page 147 would be very easy to read, since it was blank.

One of my colleagues brought me a copy of a junk mailing they received that promoted a credit card offer. The mailing was written in an "informal" style -- complete with incomplete sentences and numerous punctuation errors.

A local write-in candidate for Mayor came to my door and gave me a letter explaining his credentials. Overlooking the obvious errors in spelling and such, he listed one of his main goals as ridding the town of potholes. This might be a noble effort, but unemployment in our city is one of the highest in the state.

Just goes to prove, the world is filled with incompetency.

Personally, I always wanted to fill out a job application by stating the following qualifications:
1 - able to catch flies out of mid-air (who needs a fly swatter?).
2 - can juggle 3 small round balls at once (why bother juggling tasks?).
3 - able to walk on my hands about 30 feet.

------------------
Most Subtle Official Straightman of the Laughing Hyenas -- Grammarian Brigade.

Sazerac · 05-07-2001, 03:48 PM

Milamber, I can assure you this isn't a joke. We get all kinds. *sigh*. Not to start any gender wars, but the applicant was female, I'll say that much. I don't know; maybe she wanted to come across as a "helpful and caring person" and that's good...but for pete's sake, KINDERGARTEN???? I mean, is that the last time she helped anyone? And what about her technical qualifications, which she never mentioned?

About a year ago, we hired someone to teach Novell Networking at our school. I was helping him get the server set up for the night section, and was about to create him an administrative account, when I stopped and said, "Hey, you do this!" since he would be needing to put in his own password. So he hems and haws and pokes at it a bit and then finally admits he doesn't know how. So I make him an account while eyeballing him with my killer glance, and he stammers and blushes and states that he's only got a NetWare 3.12 CNE certification and wasn't that familiar with NDS (Novell Directory Services). So I accept that, but tell him that he needs to bone up on NDS considerably since that's what we teach there.

Come to find out, he didn't even have a CNA! He had never taken a single IT certification exam. He had lied all over his resume, claiming to be a CNE and working on his CNI (Certified Novell Instructor, which I don't even have). Well, needless to say, we "let him go" the next day.

Like I say, we get all kinds.

Sazerac · 05-07-2001, 03:52 PM

Father Bronze, I can only imagine! I laughed out loud on the "Page 147" thing. I have students do things like that to me quite often. Sometimes I think they do it just to get my goat, because I have trouble believing anyone could be that danged dense.

Hey, I'd hire you on the basis of your qualifications! We need someone limber to run cable! LOL!

caleb · 05-08-2001, 07:29 AM

Sazerac my school has a woodshop teacher teaching a networking class that he only learned how to instruct 2 weeks before. He "instructs" by reading straight from the book and not actually understanding any of it. The students end up teaching more then him.

------------------

Meet my lawyer.

[This message has been edited by caleb (edited 05-08-2001).]

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05-07-2001, 03:00 PM	#1
Sazerac Ironworks Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Monroe, LA Age: 60 Posts: 7,387	This just came in across our wire at our school from our help-desk department. I swear, this is real. Where do they come from?? Why us??? Auggh! _________________________________________ "I wrote the following little narrative with your job opening in The Denton Record-Chronicle with help desk support in mind. My parents told me recently of a time when I was in kindergarten. During one of those parent/teacher meetings, my teacher told my Mom and Dad about a specific event that has stuck in my parents' minds over the years. It seems that one of my classmates had been home sick for a few days. Perhaps it's genetic, perhaps it's learned, but when my fellow kindergarten student came back to school, I welcomed her back saying something to the effect of "I'm sorry you've been sick, it's nice to have you back at school again." Well, needless to say, this mad (sic) my parents very proud. Ever since I can remember, I have enjoyed helping people. I also enjoy fixing things that have broken. And, when I can help fix other people's broken things, it makes me very happy. So, to the point, I think that with my education, personality, and genetics, I am ideal for the job as one of your Help Desk technicians. Please feel free to call or e-mail me at your convenience, and I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you," (name deleted to protect the guilty).

05-07-2001, 03:09 PM	#2
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 57 Posts: 9,005	Well Sazerac, you gotta hire him/her. Or at least hand out a lollipop. Cause of the "genetics" and all! Can't pass up good genetics you know! Hey, I used to feed the hamster in kindergarten. That means I have extraorinary distribution skills, can I have the job? LOL! ------------------

05-07-2001, 03:09 PM	#3
Fljotsdale Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom Join Date: March 12, 2001 Location: Birmingham, West Mid\'s, England Age: 87 Posts: 2,859	Hmmmmmmmmmm! ------------------ Smile! Life is too short for bitching! Fljotsdale [This message has been edited by Fljotsdale (edited 05-07-2001).]

05-07-2001, 03:24 PM	#4
Sazerac Ironworks Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Monroe, LA Age: 60 Posts: 7,387	No, but I'm thinking about telling them to write the applicant back and suggest they write a book about "Chicken Soup for the IT Soul..." It'd probably be a best-seller. Ye gods and firestones.

05-07-2001, 03:28 PM	#5
Raif Gwydionson Dungeon Master Join Date: March 19, 2001 Location: PA Age: 43 Posts: 60	But does the person say "Bless You" after someone sneezes?? Huh?? That's the first thing that comes to mind when I write MY resume!!!

05-07-2001, 03:30 PM	#6
MILAMBER Lord Soth Join Date: March 5, 2001 Location: Southern California Posts: 1,948	This is not any kind of joke? I just can't imagine anybody doing that. Wow. When he was refering to his education as a qualification, was he still talking about Kindergarten? I mean seriously, if he is a Kindergarten grad, I'd give some serious thought to offering him a posisition. ------------------ "The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his." -General George Patton (1885-1945)

05-07-2001, 03:48 PM	#7
Father Bronze Baaz Draconian Join Date: January 8, 2001 Location: Northern Illinois Age: 55 Posts: 719	Saz: As an English Teacher people often bring things like this to my attention, for spelling/grammar examples (poor ones) or for laughs. Over the years, I have been uniquely surprised myself. I told my students to read pages 145-152. One student came up to me after class and commented that page 147 was a blank page and what were they supposed to read. I commented that page 147 would be very easy to read, since it was blank. One of my colleagues brought me a copy of a junk mailing they received that promoted a credit card offer. The mailing was written in an "informal" style -- complete with incomplete sentences and numerous punctuation errors. A local write-in candidate for Mayor came to my door and gave me a letter explaining his credentials. Overlooking the obvious errors in spelling and such, he listed one of his main goals as ridding the town of potholes. This might be a noble effort, but unemployment in our city is one of the highest in the state. Just goes to prove, the world is filled with incompetency. Personally, I always wanted to fill out a job application by stating the following qualifications: 1 - able to catch flies out of mid-air (who needs a fly swatter?). 2 - can juggle 3 small round balls at once (why bother juggling tasks?). 3 - able to walk on my hands about 30 feet. ------------------ Most Subtle Official Straightman of the Laughing Hyenas -- Grammarian Brigade.

05-07-2001, 03:52 PM	#9
Sazerac Ironworks Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Monroe, LA Age: 60 Posts: 7,387	Father Bronze, I can only imagine! I laughed out loud on the "Page 147" thing. I have students do things like that to me quite often. Sometimes I think they do it just to get my goat, because I have trouble believing anyone could be that danged dense. Hey, I'd hire you on the basis of your qualifications! We need someone limber to run cable! LOL!

05-08-2001, 07:29 AM	#10
caleb Horus - Egyptian Sky God Join Date: April 10, 2001 Location: Tacoma, WA, U.S.A. Age: 39 Posts: 2,615	Sazerac my school has a woodshop teacher teaching a networking class that he only learned how to instruct 2 weeks before. He "instructs" by reading straight from the book and not actually understanding any of it. The students end up teaching more then him. ------------------ Meet my lawyer. [This message has been edited by caleb (edited 05-08-2001).]

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