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Old 06-06-2001, 10:49 PM   #21
Father Bronze
Baaz Draconian
 

Join Date: January 8, 2001
Location: Northern Illinois
Age: 55
Posts: 719
Before the days of the internet. Before the days of gaming, our webmaster had one obsession. He was 13 and totally into art. He subscribed to art magazines, toured art museums, and even tried his hand at creating works of his own. Where most teenage guys his age wanted to make a name for themselves on the bathroom wall, our webmaster decided that he would make a name for himself in pottery (not the potty). He started as all good pottery students start. He made an ash tray. Our webmaster didn't smoke, didn't even know anyone that smoked, but he made an ash tray anyway. It was a rite of passage that every famous potter had gone through. From ash trays, he worked on bowls, then a vase or two, before finally setting himself the ultimate goal of making a coffee cup. But when the cup came out looking more like a deep ash tray with a handle, he decided he had better get advice. And so off he went in search of pieces after which to model his style.

He attended several pottery showings and even made a special effort to see an exhibit on Native American pottery designs. That's when inspiration hit. He saw a water jar that sold for $300 ( http://www.pueblopottery.com/other/7395.jpg ). Hilda Coriz was the artist and her work was stunning. Our webmaster was overwhelmed by the subtle geometric patterns and contrasting shadows.

He harbored his secret love for years, not daring to tell his friends or family about his secret obsession. Later in life, when looking for a pseudonym on a role-playing bulletin board, he chose the name Ziroc as a tribute to his secret inspiration.

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Most Subtle Official Straightman of the Laughing Hyenas -- Grammarian Brigade.
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Old 06-07-2001, 01:09 PM   #22
Father Bronze
Baaz Draconian
 

Join Date: January 8, 2001
Location: Northern Illinois
Age: 55
Posts: 719
Bumping for Ziroc.

I'll try to come up with one more short one.

FB
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Old 06-08-2001, 12:45 PM   #23
bilqis2
Dungeon Master
 

Join Date: April 8, 2001
Location: Minnesota Northwoods
Posts: 65
Bump for Father Bronze & Ziroc...

in case there is more fun to read

------------------

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons,
for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

(Yes, I AM at work now hehe)
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Old 06-08-2001, 11:41 PM   #24
Father Bronze
Baaz Draconian
 

Join Date: January 8, 2001
Location: Northern Illinois
Age: 55
Posts: 719
Our webmaster was a power gamer -- the sort of person who stayed up countless days without sleep, just so he could continue that D&D adventure. He also created characters that suited his power gamer mode. And he played the same way -- he gave everything 110%.

On one adventure, while the rest of the party decided to retreat, our webmaster had his character stand his ground while the others ran away. He had the character whip into a breserker rage and fight to the death. A short resurrection later, he was back into the game.

On another occasion, our webmaster saw fit to lead the adventuring party full steam into an awaiting ambush. Fighting for hours and trying every battle tactic in the book, the party was eventually captured and spent some time in an orcish prison camp.

But the most famous escapade our webmaster lead was in the gladiator pit. Fighting for his freedom, our webmaster's character had broken his sword, shattered his shield, and stood weaponless against a half-ogre gladiator who was armed to the teeth. Searching frantically for a weapon, our webmaster's character chanced upon two stones. He quickly grabbed these and set upon to assault the half-ogre gladiator. A few critical hits later, our webmaster's character had won his freedom.

Our webmaster, being a man of superstition, had his character carry those two stones through adventure after adventure. As with all legendary heros, our webmaster's character earned a reputation. And with that reputation came a nickname -- Zwei Rock the Scary. Zwei for the two, Rock for the stones he carried. Scary, because everybody else had an intimidating nickname.

Eventually our webmaster's days of power-gaming dwindled away, but the nickname Zwei Rock stuck with him. Eventually he got sick of trying to type in German and shortened the name to Ziroc.

------------------

Most Subtle Official Straightman of the Laughing Hyenas -- Grammarian Brigade.
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Old 06-09-2001, 12:36 AM   #25
bilqis
Symbol of Cyric
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: WA, USA
Age: 66
Posts: 1,328
hehehe
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Old 06-09-2001, 12:41 AM   #26
Cloudbringer
Ironworks Moderator
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Upstate NY USA
Posts: 19,737
Father Bronze, this was hilarious as usual! KUDOS! Bravo! LOL

Cloudy

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Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan
Storm-Queen
StormCloud of the Black Knight
Heart Mind Soul Forever
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Old 06-20-2001, 04:58 PM   #27
Father Bronze
Baaz Draconian
 

Join Date: January 8, 2001
Location: Northern Illinois
Age: 55
Posts: 719
Ziroc didn't answer this while I was gone? Hmmm . . .

About 10 years ago our fearless webmaster was searching for new meaning in his life. He had just graduated from college. Flipping burgers and reciting, "Would you like fries with that, sir?" just wasn't giving his life fulfillment. All of those years in college and he thought that a B.S. degree would be more than b*lls**t.

Our webmaster set out on a journey to "find himself." He decided that what he really needed was a new job. But not just any job. Something unique. While walking the beach one day, he saw an older gentleman walking the beach with a metal detector, scooping up loose change. "Wow! Freee money," thought our webmaster. He didn't have any money to invest in a metal detector, but he was sure that being a beach comber was the career he was meant for. Sun. Waves. Sand. Beautiful scenery . . . So he went around to various businesses and asked them for a refrigerator magnet that advertised the business. By the time the day was over, he had 3 pizza magnes, 2 appliance repair magnets, and 1 from a Dentist. He taped these to a broom handle, using duct tape of course, and set off for the beach. He quickly realized that this wasn't going to work. The magnets were too weak. The sand was too hot. He was sunburned. And the women all laughed at his purple polk-a-dot speedo.

On his way back from the beach, he noticed a young city worker who was changing the bulb on a street lamp. Our webmaster was sure that this would be a job for him. He wasn't afraid of heights. He loved the fresh summer breeze. And it only took one webmaster to change a light bulb (some have speculated that it may take as many as 3, but that's another story ). He applied to city hall and was thrilled to find that the city was in need of street light bulb changers. On his first day of work, he managed to change 8 burnt out street light bulbs. He was the model of efficiency. Noticing a pattern of burnt out bulbs, our webmaster made the recommendation that the city purchase longer lasting bulbs. They so whole heartedly endorsed his proposal that soon all of the streetlights had newer, more efficient bulbs. However, with no bulbs to change, our webmaster soon found himself out of work.

After being layed off, he wandered aimlessly. Not watching where he was going, he accidentally bumped in to a professional dog walker. After disengaging himself from the tangle of leashes, he opened up with his sob story of losing jobs and not feeling fulfillment in life. The dog walker suggested that our webmaster study the pathway of Zen.

Knowing no other options, our webmaster signed himself up for a Zen retreat. He knew that it would be tough, but this might be his only chance to gain enlightenment. He listened to his teachers, studied the ways of Zen, and found himself a place where he could meditate upon the meaning of life. His rock was the center of his universe. It was a nice hunk of granite. And as our webmaster sat there on the rock, it came to him. He should pursue that which made him happy -- web design. He was so overcome with emotion at this suddent revelation that he named that moment in his life a Zen rock moment. Eventually, his friends started calling him Zenrock, which eventually got twisted into Ziroc.

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Most Subtle Official Straightman of the Laughing Hyenas -- Grammarian Brigade.
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Old 06-21-2001, 05:30 AM   #28
Ramon de Ramon y Ramon
Red Dragon
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Cologne, North Rhine-Westphalia, Germany
Age: 52
Posts: 1,517
This definitely deserves a bump !

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So long !

R³ - proud to be the official spokesman for the most noble Lady Bilqis, Desert Rose of Ironworks

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Old 06-21-2001, 02:58 PM   #29
bilqis
Symbol of Cyric
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: WA, USA
Age: 66
Posts: 1,328
Fabulous Father Bronze! You have a gift ... a real gift!

More please?

------------------

Having abandoned my
search for truth, I am
now looking for a good
fantasy.
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Old 08-29-2001, 04:33 PM   #30
Father Bronze
Baaz Draconian
 

Join Date: January 8, 2001
Location: Northern Illinois
Age: 55
Posts: 719
Two months later and still no answer, Father Bronze enters the scene with further speculation . . .

In his younger days, our esteemed webmaster spent many an hour working the chat rooms and bulletin boards discussing gaming with his friends. Of particular interest to our younger webmaster was battle strategies.

He was known somewhat as a brilliant strategist. While his allies suggested rushing the enemy horde with a batallion of knights, our webmaster suggested a more subtle strategy. He suggested that the knights sneak through the battle field the night before the battle, leading their horses to deposit "droppings" in key places around the field. The next morning when the horde advanced, our webmaster then suggested that archers fire at the enemy horde, forcing the enemy to creep across the battle field on hands and knees. The enemy soldiers were so demoralized at getting their clothes all soiled with horse manure, that their morale broke and they ran for the nearest river. Then our webmaster's forces rushed in to secure the battlefield.

However, our webmaster was very careful with his plans. He never e-mailed the plans directly, but rather relied on a complex series of heiroglyphics to convey the strategy. On one such occasion, he tried to tell his ally that they should zig-zag their way over the mountain so that they could scout the enemy position. Unfortunately the ally was very poor at decoding the message and instead took the zig-zag, the eye, and the mountain as a signature. The ally pondered the meaning of what he was certain was a name, and came up with Z-eye-rock. And so the confused, but faithful ally responded to our webmaster, "Thanks Ziroc. Our forces shall win the day."

Try as he might to get the faithful ally to understand the coded message, our webmaster finally gave up on heiroglyphics altogether. Our webmaster replied, "Send scouts to see over the mountain. Thanks, Ziroc." And from that day forward, our webmaster was known as Ziroc.

------------------
Most Subtle Official Straightman of the Laughing Hyenas -- Grammarian Brigade.

[This message has been edited by Father Bronze (edited 08-29-2001).]
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