Cultural Differences & The Sleeping Arrangements of Infants

Here in the U.S. it is common practice for a newborn to sleep in the same room as but not in the same bed with its parents until the ages of 3-6 months when the child is (usually) moved into a room of its own.
This practice, thought to have a more positive effect on the psychological development of the child as well as preventing physical harm to the infant from being smothered (by co-sleeping) or being exposed to contageous illnesses (by sleeping in the same room) is considered brutal, cruel, and neglectful of the child from the point of view of cultures where co-sleeping and familial sleeping arrangements are viewed as a natural part of the developmental process.

The study I read only expressed the opinions of 18 U.S. families and 14 Highland Mayan families with reference to Japenese studies which support the Mayan view of co-sleeping and keeping a child in the same room as the parents for a number of years (2 to 3 being the norm).

I am curious again lol...how does either of these practices compare to your own community/country and your own point of view?

I kept my own son in the same room with me until he was close to two years old (mainly because by the time he was 6 months old I was living in a large house with only a fireplace and a space heater to keep us warm throughout the duration of a northern U.S. winter, and later space for us to sleep in was limited, but I think under different circumstances I would have done it the same way...just so that I could be sure he was old enough to understand that moving to a room of his own was a good part of growing up) and he never had a problem with it. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Keep in mind that I was a single mother with no husband or boyfriend to share those sleeping arrangements with us and my child was never exposed to "adult actions" which, some child-care experts say could have a detrimental effect on children who are exposed to them through co-sleeping and sleeping in the same room as their parents. If I had a husband or a boyfriend things might have been different but I think it would have been more stressful on my child to have been separated from me at night at an earlier age where communication could not have been possible as to what a "good thing" it would be for him.
I do support the idea of having a young child in the same room with its mother but NOT exposing the infant/toddler to sexual acts...people can be more creative than keeping that part of their relationship as a bedtime routine.

[ 09-19-2002, 10:35 AM: Message edited by: Moni ]

[Thoran]

Our kids slept with us for quite a while when they were very young, although they always had their own rooms (for adult type nights). I sincerely doubt smothering would ever be a problem for the vast majority of people... you'd be amazed how aware you are of the little guy even as you sleep.

The only real downside to this is breaking them of the desire to sleep with you as they get older... just this morning I had to shoo away our six year old (who attempts covert infiltrations several times a week still), and even our 11 year old will occasionally jump into bed with us after a nightmare or whatnot(pretty rare now though). They tend to want to seperate at their own pace... which is quite a bit slower than MY desire for them to seperate.

When they were infants, the idea of leaving a child to cry themselves to sleep when all they wanted was to be close to us was something we could never manage.

And with regards to American psychologists and psychological studies... I place that profession somewhere between witch doctors and weathermen. In my entire life I have NEVER met ONE SINGLE person who was actually helped by seeing a therapist for a psychological issue. I have met LOTS of people who've spent LOTS of money trying though. In the end it's up to the parents to do what feels right for them and their child.

[ 09-19-2002, 10:49 AM: Message edited by: Thoran ]

[Jorath Calar]

Here in Iceland babies usually sleep in their parents room till they are about 2 or 3. My little brother didn't "move out" til he was 6 or 7. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Horatio]

Wow, I did a paper very simelar to this last year.
here in England (or at least London) babies can go whenever. Some people have them in the same room for like a week, and then they go into a seperate room. There really is no specific date.

[Sir Taliesin]

Our first two had a separate room right off the bat. Our latest one, (who is almost 4 weeks old) is sleeping in a bassenet(sp) in our room this time. I'm not sure when she will be moving out.

Actualy though, we aren't typical parents, in that we don't feel the need to keep them at home all the time. All three of our children have spent the night over at Grams and Grandma and Papaw's houses. Yes, even the 4 week old one has spent time away from home already. But that last was out of necessity. My wife was real sick for the first two weeks after Keira was born. My mom and dad had to keep all of them over a long weekend. We wanted them to have great relationships with their grand parents. That's why we have always done it.

[ 09-19-2002, 12:40 PM: Message edited by: Sir Taliesin ]

[WillowIX]

My daoughter slept in my (and the hubby´s) bedroom until she was about 9½ months. After that she had her own room, monitored of course .

[Attalus]

Will slept with us in the same room, but in his bassinet. Then, we moved him out to his own room. He recently got hisown"big boy bed" but prefers to sleep in his big brother's room, or with us.Yeah, they can get pretty sneaky. He was in his own bed in his own room last night, but the thunder and lightning woke him and he finished off the morning with us. As for him staying in his own bed, that'll come. (Now considering locks, )

Thank you for your responses!
There were only three replies here by the time I had to go off to school this morning (Thanks youse! ) and I did relate your perspectives to the professor and the class.

Our whole day was spent on the subject (since we had to turn in a summary of the study) and perspectives among classmates (including the half of us who have children) support having the child sleep in the same room for at least the first two years. Apparently the 18 U.S. couples in the study (all from Utah but not all Mormons lol) have a completely different perspective.

One thing though...all of my classmates with children ages 5-10 still have their kids coming to sleep with them in their beds on occasion.
I never had my son ask to sleep in the same room or bed with me once he got his own room. He thought it was a great thing to have and on the only occasion I can ever remember him having a nightmare, he told me about it the next day rather than come sleep with me.
Not that I am replusive LOL but I related having his own room to him as one of the good things about growing up...I made it an exciting and happy transition on the first night he ever slept in it and I think that made a difference in how he accepted it.

I should probably mention too that I am one of the extremely lucky parents who was blessed with a baby who only cried when he was wet or hungry...a toddler who never gave me any hassles or threw fits of any kind...an all around good kid who has been thoughtful, polite, respectful, smart and self-confident from the get-go. My professor pointed that out to me today (that I was one of the lucky ones) when we were discussing crying babies LOL He really doesn't know how right he is!

Anyway, if anyone else wants to post about country/community/personal perspectives on the subject, he would be glad to get more input for his own benefit. He is a new father and the father of a two year old and he is still learning and wants the best for his kids...as we all do. [img]smile.gif[/img]
Thanks!

[Cerberus]

I may be a little late on this but here goes...

My oldest child, a boy now 7, had a lactose alergy as a baby and toddler. As a result he was on soy formula and slept in a crib in our room only until he was about 6 months old. He then went to his own room. When he was about 2 he went into his own bed and never tried to come into bed with us. He's a very independant child!

My middle and third children, now 4 and 2, co-slept for their first year until they weaned. Then they went to cribs in their own rooms. Neither one of them tries to crawl in bed with us, although my toddler will get out of her crib in the middle of the night, turn on her light, and play in her room until she decides to get back in her crib, the little stinker!

What we did differently with our kids from what we hear from most parents was to set a regular bedtime right from the start. Even as infants we laid our kids down to sleep at about 8 pm. That gave us about 3 hours to ourselves for housework or TV or reading or 'adult activities' or whatever before the baby came into bed with us.

I actually miss the co-sleeping sometimes. My kids are very active, independant and self-confident so I don't get nearly as much cuddling from them as I would like!

I'd have to agree with those cultures that think seperating the child from its parents is cruel and neglectful. And I feel that this extends to daycare situations as well. I'm getting away from the topic a bit here but I thnk one of the best things we ever did for our children and our family was to bite the budget bullet and have my wife stay home with our kids! I know everyone can't do that and I don't want to give the impression that I think it has to be the mother who stays home, but if more people cared more for their families than their careers I think we would have a much more stable society!

I'll get off my soap box now...

- Cerberus

[johnny]

I ran away from home when i was three months old, so i guess i wouldn't know. I just couldn't handle the pressure of taking care of my parents at that age, am i a bad person now ?