Incredible Quotes!

[Bozos of Bones]

You forgot the famous "A majority of our import comes from other countries." George W. Bush(the anagram for George Herbert Walker Bush is Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog )

[Vaskez]

Hehe I heard this one on TV:

Glen Hoddle (ex england coach) : "I don't make predictions and I never will"

A guy in my computer networks course:
"We extrapolated the data using linear interpolation" lol

[Sir Goulum]

'We have a firm commitment to NATO. We are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.' - Dan Quayle

[The Fallen One]

and here's more

"Pitching is 80% of the game. The other half is hitting and fielding."
- Mickey Rivers, baseball player

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
- Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota.

"Solutions are not the answer."
- Richard Nixon, former U.S. President

"Permitted vehicles not allowed."
- Road sign on US 27

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
- Terry Venables

and some more that are not quotes but mistranslations..i love these

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
"If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."

The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, ko-kou-ko-le, which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth".

When translated into Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off".

In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel toweles please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.

On Coke cans in Japan : "I FEEL COKE & SOUND SPECIAL".

[Killing Spree]

Aw man, now you've done it. Now I've got to tell you about all the moronic things the president has said. Hilarious and incredibly disturbing all at once.

So here we go, a small compilation of inspirational quotes from George Dubya Bush...

• "Arbolist...Look up the word. I don't know, maybe I made it up. Anyway, it's an arbo-tree-ist, someone who knows about trees."
• "It's your money, you paid for it."
• "The Bob Jones policy on interracial dating, I mean I spoke out on interracial dating. I spoke out against that. I spoke out against interracial dating. I support the policy of interracial dating."
• "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe in believe what I believe is right."
• "I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can't answer your question."
• "And so, in my State of the my State of the Union or state-my speech to the nation, whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation-I asked Americans to give 4,000 years-4,000 hours over the next-the rest of your life-of service to America. That's what I asked for-4,000 hours."

And the one that's always taken the cake for me...
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"

[img]tongue.gif[/img] Gosh, if this guy gets re-elected somebody please shoot me.

[The Fallen One]

i wonder why the best jokes are Bush Jokes

[Bozos of Bones]

Mmmm... *thinks about possible sideaffects of post. posts anyway* Because he is one?

[skywalker]

Some old ones from Kermit Schafer (Creater of Bloopers):

Football Comentator: "Anderson has injured his nose. It looks like the same nose he injured last year."

TV Host: "I'm sorry, out time is up...This is your storyteller leaving Don Quixote sitting on his ass till next week."

Commercial: "Visit our Coin-o-Matic Laundry. All ladies who drop off their clothing will receive prompt attention."

Commercial: "So try 7-UP...You will recognize it with big the seven and U-P after!"

Newscaster: "The collision of the two boats was due to the fog, which was thicker than sea poop."

Sportscaster: " McPhearson is anxious to make a good showing. He wants to play in the worst way, and that's exactly what he's doing!"

Weatherman: "That's the weather for Anchorage. Now let me take a leak out the window to see if it's freezing outside the studio."

Football Comentator: "He's at the 30... the 40... the 50... look at that sonovabitch run!"

Sportscaster: "Yankee catcher Yogi Berra was hit on the head by a pitched ball. X-rays of the head showed nothing."

Game Show Contestant: "I work for Pittsburgh Gas Company. At least 90% of the people in Pittsburgh have gas."

Station Promo: "Stay tuned for Charles Dicken's immortal classic, A Sale of Two Titties."

Cooking Show: "Today we are going to make a spice cake with special emphasis on how to flour your nuts."



Mark

[The Fallen One]

ok, since this thread has shifted from "Incredible Quotes" to "Funny Statements", i would like to post some more funny stuff

BOY : May I hold your hand??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

CAROL : Do you remember when you proposed to me? I was so overwhelmed, couldn't speak for an hour.
PETER : Yes darling, that was the happiest hour of my life...

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

Man : You remind me of the sea.
Woman : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
Man : NO, because you make me sick.

Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
Husband : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

Mary : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
Peter : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.


-----------------------

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger said, " I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player, the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die.... So he took the first pack and left the plane.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the former president of the United States, I am also the most ambitious woman in the world and I am a New York Senator and a potential future president." She just took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, said: "I'm President of the United States of America, I have a great responsibility being the leader of a superpower nation. And above all I'm the cleverest President in American history, so America's people won't let me die." So he put on the pack next to him and jumped out of the plane.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a 10 year-old school boy, "I am old and frail and I don't have many years left, as a Catholic I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.

The boy said, "It's OK, there's a parachute left for you. America's cleverest President has taken my schoolbag."

[Illumina Drathiran'ar]

What about the weatherman and weatherwoman in the news station? The man predicted half a foot of snow the previous night, but it cleared up.. So the next morning, she said...
"So Bob, where are the six inches you promised me last night?"

I don't know if that one is true or not, and if it is, his name probably isn't Bob anyway.