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Old 12-18-2007, 07:39 AM   #21
Arvon
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Join Date: October 4, 2001
Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus
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Default Re: Joke World 12-1

A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning...

Baby Bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.

He looks into his small bowl.

It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair.

He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty.

'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen
and yells,

'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through
this with you idiots?

It was Mummy Bear who got up first.
It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.
It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee.
It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put
everything away.
It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.
It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold, early morning air to fetch
the newspaper and croissants.
It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.
It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter
tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.

And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs
and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully,
because I'm only going to say this once....

I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!'
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Old 12-19-2007, 02:18 PM   #22
Arvon
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Default Re: Joke World 12-1

Damned! Yesterday when I was pulling into a shopping center the car in front of me made a sudden stop and I rear ended him. We both got out of our cars and the other driver was a dwarf. He had one of those special equipped cars. I asked him if he was hurt and he said he was not happy! I said ok which one are you?
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Last edited by Arvon; 12-19-2007 at 02:22 PM. Reason: Spelling
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Old 12-19-2007, 10:56 PM   #23
Spirits Reborn
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Default Re: Joke World 12-1

that bear's one was hilarious!
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Old 12-20-2007, 01:11 AM   #24
carv3r
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Default Re: Joke World 12-1

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arvon View Post
Damned! Yesterday when I was pulling into a shopping center the car in front of me made a sudden stop and I rear ended him. We both got out of our cars and the other driver was a dwarf. He had one of those special equipped cars. I asked him if he was hurt and he said he was not happy! I said ok which one are you?
Bravo on these jokes Arvon!
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Old 12-22-2007, 06:47 AM   #25
Arvon
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Default Re: Joke World 12-1

A few nights ago a few friends and I were in a bar, telling all the polish jokes we knew; boy what a feast! Anyway, I ducked into the restroom to sprinkle the old porcelain. While I was in there, this big guy came in and said to me, "Hey pal, I'm Polish and I don't like you telling all those Polish jokes!"

So I said, "Well, they're not against you, pal, just against anyone in Poland." "My mother is in Poland!" He screams, and pulls out a razor. Boy was I scared! I was sure he would have killed me if he had found a place to plug it in!
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Old 12-28-2007, 11:44 AM   #26
Arvon
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Default Re: Joke World 12-1

In Contempt

The judge asked the defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw."

From out in the gallery, a man shouts, "Lying bastard!"

"Silence in the court!" the judge says to the man who shouted. He turns to the defendant and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"Damn tightwad," the same man in the gallery blurted out.

"I said QUIET!" yelled the judge. To the defendant, "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."

"You jackass!" the man from the gallery yelled.

The judge thundered at the man in the galley, "If you don't tell me right now the reasons for your outbursts, I'll hold you in contempt!"

The man answered back, "I've lived beside that man for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?!"
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Old 12-31-2007, 01:06 PM   #27
Arvon
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Default Re: Joke World 12-1

Smart Cop

A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.

Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini."

The giant nodded.

"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"

Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled.

"Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."

"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."
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Old 01-05-2008, 01:27 AM   #28
thecarrotdude
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Default Re: Joke World 12-1

PG? I think not.
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