Odd News January 2009

[Bungleau]

Fabulous fib is named Wis. club's top lie of 2008

By DINESH RAMDE, Associated Press Writer Dinesh Ramde, Associated Press Writer – Mon Jan 5, 9:23 pm ET

MILWAUKEE – A whopper about a devious baby and his diapers is the top lie of 2008, an organization of champion fibbers declared Monday. The Burlington Liars Club bestowed its top award for this line: "My grandson is the most persuasive liar I have ever met. By the time he was 2 years old he could dirty his diaper and make his mother believe someone else had done it."

Garth Seehawer, 71, of Oconto Falls, said he took immense pride in having crafted the 2008 Champion Lie.

"When you're the best in the world at something, sure, that's an honor," he said, insisting with a chuckle that his background as a lawyer gave him no advantage.

Four judges picked Seehawer's lie out of about 160 entries.

The six runners-up included a fib about air passengers watching the movie "Cocoon" when turbulence hits, spilling water from the screen and causing the airliner's life rafts to inflate.

The Burlington Liars Club got its start in 1929 when local journalists Otis Hulett and Mannel Hahn fabricated a news story about a lying contest between the Burlington police and fire departments. The police chief won after he said he'd never be good at lying because he never told a lie.

From those beginnings, the club expanded to about 2,000 members around the world, said Eddie Impens, the club's vice president. It's headquartered in Burlington, a town about 35 miles southwest of Milwaukee.

Impens, who owns a lumber company, said most of this year's entries came from Wisconsin, though one arrived from Canada. He expected more entries from France, which historically has produced the best lies entered from overseas, he said.

A telephone conversation with Impens is fraught with lighthearted skepticism. He answers questions easily, but occasionally adds with a quick laugh, "You know, I could be lying to you about all this."

A lifetime membership in the Liars Club costs $1. It grants the holder the right to submit an unlimited number of fibs each year.

Concocting a good lie isn't a matter of diligence, Seehawer said. Usually, the spark of an idea pops into his head, and he lets it percolate for a while before typing it out and submitting it.

He came close to capturing the club's top honor about 12 years ago with the observation that a winter breeze was so stiff it blew off his brother's bald spot, leaving him with a full head of hair.

"A good lie isn't just a tall tale or exaggerating," he said. "You have to have something fun, not believable but impossibly true."

***************

Anyone got any better suggestions? Time to ante up!

[Bungleau]

Seal turns hatchery into all-you-can-eat buffet

SANDWICH, Mass. – Life is a big buffet for a young seal with a talent for breaking and entering.

A young harbor seal somehow broke into a fish hatchery on Cape Cod on Tuesday and turned the place into an all-you-can-eat buffet.

The female seal briefly had the run of the Sandwich Hatchery, downing untold numbers of trout before Division of Fisheries and Wildlife employees found it, the Cape Cod Times reported.

The seal, just under 3 feet long, was released on a beach by members of the Cape Cod Stranding Network, which rescues marine mammals that end up on land.

The seal looked healthy and "pretty full," said network spokeswoman Katie Touhey.

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Interesting that this happened in Sandwich...

[Bungleau]

Weighty load: Police say man steals $800 in change

SALT LAKE CITY – The payload was hefty — and the payback painful. Police say a robber broke a window at a Salt Lake City home and made off with a paint bucket full of $800 in change.

Officers soon stopped a 48-year-old man holding a bucket of coins and carrying a crowbar in his pants. He was charged Tuesday with several misdemeanors.
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Information from: The Salt Lake Tribune, http://www.sltrib.com

Gotta love the ol' crowbar-in-the-pants trick...

[Bungleau]

NY man demands estranged wife pay him for kidney

GARDEN CITY, N.Y. – A New York doctor is demanding that his estranged wife pay him $1.5 million to compensate him for the kidney he gave her while they were still on good terms. Dr. Richard Batista spoke Wednesday to reporters at his lawyer's office in Garden City, Long Island.

He said he gave his kidney to Dawnell Batista in June 2001. She filed for divorce in July 2005.

The 49-year-old Batista works for Nassau University Medical Center. The couple have three children, ages, 8, 11 and 14.

A message left for his wife's attorney, Douglas Rothkopf, was not immediately returned.
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He's got a lot of nerve.... suppose she tells him to just take it back? Or demands payment for childbirth, or something like that?

He'd better quit while he's behind...

[Bungleau]

Pa. man opens neighbor's door with chain saw

SCRANTON, Pa. – An eastern Pennsylvania man may face up to 37 years in prison for tearing open a neighbor's door with a chain saw. Police say 34-year-old Robert Kane began sawing through the front door of Jamie Zaleski's apartment in Scranton while Zaleski and several friends ran out the back.

Kane was angry because a friend of Zaleski's parked in front of his house across the street. Police said when Zaleski asked who was at the door, Kane said it was his worst nightmare, told him, "Open the door or I'll cut it down," and started sawing.

A jury convicted Kane on Tuesday of charges including attempted burglary, attempted criminal trespass and terroristic threats.

He was held in lieu of $20,000 bail. A sentencing date wasn't immediately set.
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Information from: The Scranton Times, http://thetimes-tribune.com/

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Something tells me one of them hasn't been the greatest neighbor in the world... he'd better be glad no one in there was armed, or he wouldn't be facing time in the slammer

[Bungleau]

Man accused of urinating on bouncer at Alaska bar

FAIRBANKS, Alaska – A 22-year-old Fairbanks man was arrested for allegedly urinating on a bouncer at a bar on Sunday morning. The bouncer at Kodiak Jack's told police that he was trying to remove another man from the bar for causing a disruption.

The bouncer said he was trying to calm down the other man when he noticed the man behind him urinating on his leg.

The man was charged with with harassment, indecent exposure and making a false report. He was apparently angry that his friend was being thrown out of the bar.
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Information from: Fairbanks Daily News-Miner, http://www.newsminer.com
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I'm sure what really happened is he vented that his friend was getting tossed from the bar, some said "piss on him!", and he suddenly thought that was a good idea.

Gotta love the "false report" charge... that was probably for "no, I didn't do it".

[Bungleau]

Woman being arrested accused of faking birth pains

SIOUX FALLS, S.D. – Sioux Falls police trying to arrest a Lincoln, Neb., woman on shoplifting and drug charges said she faked birth pains. Officers were called to The Empire Mall Monday for a report of a woman stealing a key chain. When they searched the 35-year-old woman's purse, they also found pain pills without a prescription.

As she was being arrested, the woman said she was going into labor, so she was taken by ambulance to a hospital.

Doctors determined that not only was she not in labor, she wasn't even pregnant.

Police say the woman will have to pay for the ambulance ride and hospital visit.
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Ya know, sometimes *everything* just goes wrong... first theft, then drugs, then the bill...

Memo to wannabes: make sure your lie is as close to the truth as possible. It's much easier to remember that way...

[Bungleau]

Police: Woman tries to firebomb neighbor's house

MEMPHIS, Tenn. – Police said a feud among neighbors escalated when a Memphis woman lobbed flaming bottles of gasoline onto a neighbor's house. The woman was being held on $5,000 bond on a charge of aggravated arson after her arrest Tuesday.

Investigators said the woman was angry because she thought her neighbor cut her tires. Police found two bottles with gasoline on the roof of the home and another nearby.

The neighbor said a relative climbed onto the roof to douse the flames.
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Information from: The Commercial Appeal, http://www.commercialappeal.com
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Another one who failed the "Good Neighbor" training class....

[VulcanRider]

Porn industry seeks federal bailout

WASHINGTON (CNN) — Another major American industry is asking for assistance as the global financial crisis continues: Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis said Wednesday they will request that Congress allocate $5 billion for a bailout of the adult entertainment industry. “The take here is that everyone and their mother want to be bailed out from the banks to the big three,” said Owen Moogan, spokesman for Larry Flynt. “The porn industry has been hurt by the downturn like everyone else and they are going to ask for the $5 billion. Is it the most serious thing in the world? Is it going to make the lives of Americans better if it happens? It is not for them to determine.” Francis said in a statement that “the US government should actively support the adult industry's survival and growth, just as it feels the need to support any other industry cherished by the American people." “We should be delivering [the request] by the end of today to our congressmen and [Secretary of the Treasury Henry] Paulson asking for this $5 billion dollar bailout,” he told CNN Wednesday. Flynt and Francis concede the industry itself is in no financial danger — DVD sales have slipped over the past year, but Web traffic has continued to grow. But the industry leaders said the issue is a nation in need. "People are too depressed to be sexually active," Flynt said in the statement. "This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex." "With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind. It's time for congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America. The only way they can do this is by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly." So far, there has been no congressional reaction to the request.

Wonder if they need someone to help oversee the distribution

[Firestormalpha]

Originally Posted by Bungleau Weighty load: Police say man steals $800 in change SALT LAKE CITY – The payload was hefty — and the payback painful. Police say a robber broke a window at a Salt Lake City home and made off with a paint bucket full of $800 in change. Officers soon stopped a 48-year-old man holding a bucket of coins and carrying a crowbar in his pants. He was charged Tuesday with several misdemeanors. ___ Information from: The Salt Lake Tribune, http://www.sltrib.com Gotta love the ol' crowbar-in-the-pants trick...

"Honest Officer, I'm just really glad to see you!"