Friday jokes LOL

[Charean]

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing the sick-leave provisions set out by their contract.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"

There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.

A union negotiator broke the silence in the room.

"Wow!" he said. "Just think of the score he could have had if he wasn't sick!"
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A judge in a semi-small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial.

It was nearly 4:00 p.m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom.

The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury room to see what was holding up the verdict.

When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have they got a verdict yet?"

The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? They're still doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!"
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Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit.

Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks.

"Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was 183."

Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"
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My wife and I were browsing in a crafts store when I noticed a display of country-style musical instruments. After looking over the flutes, dulcimers and recorders, I picked up a shiny, one-stringed instrument I took to be a mouth harp. I put it to my lips and, much to the amusement of other shoppers, twanged a few notes on it.

After watching from a distance, my wife came up and whispered in my ear, "I hate to tell you this, honey, but you're trying to play a cheese slicer."
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With animated movies like "Antz" and "A Bug's Life", I wondered: do their characters have soliloquies, or do they have pest asides?

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Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured.

One day, when my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse.

Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied, "One hour and 45 minutes!"

[Redblueflare]

LMAO! I wonder what score he would've had if he *hadn't* been sick!

[John D Harris]

"Verdict? They're still doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!"
I love it

[ 10-18-2002, 07:33 PM: Message edited by: John D Harris ]

[Andrew Mcveigh]

of course, i'm probably the biggest fan of humor in the history of the world... SO I LOVE THEM!!!!! jokes, jokes, i love jokes, something, something that rhymes with jokes! tell more! [img]smile.gif[/img]

PS: i'm not a psycho, i'm just... weird...

[/)eathKiller]

ROTFLMAO those are great!

[LennonCook]

ROFL !!