--- Logic from George Carlin ---

[Jorath Calar]

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help
section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose

7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets are not going
as ghosts but as mattresses?

8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no
woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?

10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself is it
considered a hostage situation?

11. Is there another word for synonym?

12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?

13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?

18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

19. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

20. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?

21. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

22. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

24. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

25. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

27. How is it possible to have a civil war?

28. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

29. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

30. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

31. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

32. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

33. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

34. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

36. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

37. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become
disoriented?

-------------

[dizzy]

lol those are hilarious man. ahahahaha I laughed at almost all of them/

[Mojo]

Originally posted by Jorath Calar: 29. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

I feel ignorant...what's antipasta?

[Neb]

Originally posted by Mojo: quote: Originally posted by Jorath Calar: 29. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

I feel ignorant...what's antipasta?[/QUOTE]Something small that you eat before the actual dinner.... I think, an appetizer of sorts.... Not sure.

[adam warlock]

*loves George Carlin* though he uses too much profanity, he does gets interesting at times

[Lifetime]

Go George Carlin!~
Love his comedy.. just the thing to cheer you up really, hearing this old guy complaining about how messed up our society is..

[Jorath Calar]

If you really want to hear his best, look up on Kazaa or WinMX. Calin On Campus and Carlin at Carnigie are my favourite, it's before he got angry and it is just hilarious specially his dog stories [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Thoran]

Well I forwarded this funny stuff... and it turns out it's NOT George Carlin's... but very funny nonetheless. [img]smile.gif[/img]

http://www.georgecarlin.com/georgeca...not_carlin.txt