07-26-2002, 12:22 PM | #1 |
Harper
Join Date: October 6, 2001
Location: Iceland
Posts: 4,706
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1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose 7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets are not going as ghosts but as mattresses? 8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong? 10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself is it considered a hostage situation? 11. Is there another word for synonym? 12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? 13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? 15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? 18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? 19. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? 20. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? 21. How do blind people know when they are done wiping? 22. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? 24. What was the best thing before sliced bread? 25. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. 27. How is it possible to have a civil war? 28. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? 29. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? 30. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? 31. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it? 32. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? 33. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? 34. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? 36. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? 37. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented? ------------- |
07-26-2002, 12:38 PM | #2 |
Mephistopheles
Join Date: January 18, 2002
Location: Baumholder Germany
Age: 39
Posts: 1,434
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lol those are hilarious man. ahahahaha I laughed at almost all of them/
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An Army of fun. <br /><br />\"The worst thing about being in Germany in the Army is having to wakeup everyday\" <img border=\"0\" title=\"\" alt=\"[Wink]\" src=\"wink.gif\" /> |
07-26-2002, 12:54 PM | #3 | |
Elminster
Join Date: July 17, 2002
Location: Aberdeenshire, Scotland, UK
Age: 37
Posts: 451
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Quote:
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07-26-2002, 01:00 PM | #4 | |
Account deleted by Request
Join Date: May 17, 2001
Location: .
Age: 38
Posts: 8,802
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Quote:
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07-26-2002, 04:50 PM | #5 |
Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice
Join Date: January 7, 2001
Location: I live inside of my mind.....
Age: 53
Posts: 3,234
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*loves George Carlin* though he uses too much profanity, he does gets interesting at times
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07-26-2002, 10:41 PM | #6 |
Red Dragon
Join Date: March 3, 2001
Location: Scotch College, Melbourne
Posts: 1,503
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Go George Carlin!~
Love his comedy.. just the thing to cheer you up really, hearing this old guy complaining about how messed up our society is..
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\'Cause its always raining in my head. Forget all the things I should have said.. |
07-27-2002, 07:09 AM | #7 |
Harper
Join Date: October 6, 2001
Location: Iceland
Posts: 4,706
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If you really want to hear his best, look up on Kazaa or WinMX. Calin On Campus and Carlin at Carnigie are my favourite, it's before he got angry and it is just hilarious specially his dog stories [img]smile.gif[/img]
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07-30-2002, 01:49 PM | #8 |
Galvatron
Join Date: January 10, 2002
Location: Upstate NY
Age: 56
Posts: 2,109
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Well I forwarded this funny stuff... and it turns out it's NOT George Carlin's... but very funny nonetheless. [img]smile.gif[/img]
http://www.georgecarlin.com/georgeca...not_carlin.txt |
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