letting go

[250]

I am in a time that I am taking a break away from her. I was trying every thing there is to push her out of my mind. Yet, there are just simply too many things, things I did for her and with her. Moments we spent together, wonderful or terrible.

Then this email came to me, from Amazon.com It was an email asking me to write a feedback about one of the books I ordered for myself "Allies in Healing" At that moment, I couldn't tell whether i should cry or just let it go. That is a living prove of the way I love her.

It is interesting why we love the people we love, even though they break our hearts or hurt us over and over. I still love her, if not much more than before. I always thought that by requesting nothing from her, I might gain her acceptence. That is not the case. I wonder what I did wrong, I wonder if I am just simply not good enough, or maybe the way I love her is not apropriate. But I can manage it, you know? I can love her as a sister, a friend, or just someone I simply love. then why push me away?

I "have been a good person" to her, she said. so that is the reason why I should go away, because she "doesnt deserve" me. How pitiful those words sound at her moment of weakness, I almost felt sorry for her. I realized that it is herself creating her own misery. How sorry is that when someone cannot enjoy another's love? It is funny that it somehow adds spices for I couldn't help but to feel the need to love her more. To drive away her pains.

But I cannot, it is all up to her to let it go.

I want to cry, but I cannot bring tears out. They came to my eyelids, then was forced back. I dont know, I feel so supressed. I know I am hurting, I dont feel it even though I know it is there, somewhere deep down.

I am tired


P.S.

what does WH stand for? it is a DVD store's name...
why? her xmas present... lol, alright, I am just asking...

[Harkoliar]

yep, women (vice versa too) can do that sometimes... dig too deep in a mans heart and leaves leaving a hole in your heart....

i also have the same problem as you do (as you know that already) and i too have tried nearly everyhing to her.. and failed miserably.. she does doesnt want me no matter how i like her.. remember: it was YOU who taught me that it is a persons DECISION to CHOOSE her path in life. and i think she has made her choice not to love me and i dont know with yours...

i have made this poem to her which was part of the xmas gift

i will always be your friend
know i will hope for more
will settle for less
yet still love you till the end

reply: thank you for the gift.. thats it!! nothing more nothing less

i have made my own decision to stop pursuing her, to the extent to removing her cell no in my cell phone (although i kept it in a piece of paper just in case). since then, i counted myself, when i really want to call her but cant since i dont have her no anymore..

in 3 days
i wanted to call her 6-7 times...
pretty bad ... right?

the next thing i did is just called my old pal and buddy and planned to go out and forget everything (although it my finals this week!! sigh)

tIP: if all else fails.. go out with a friend and just forget everything... or get drunk... [img]smile.gif[/img]

[250]

thanks for sharing buddy [img]smile.gif[/img] feels better to lsiten to someone relate a similar experience

when Dutka asked me "would you risk losing her friendship forever if it means she may get help?" I answered without hestitation "yes!" it was so that even surprised myself.

her well being is all I want... still... sigh I feel so stupid sometimes

[Harkoliar]

as much as i want to relate it all tonight, i have an exam tommorow and i vowed myself never to let love enter studies and look what happened, all my grades went downhill since last term... if i wasnt so angry at myself i would have cracked up and laughed...

quote:

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her well being is all I want... still... sigh I feel so stupid sometimes

---

as much as we want for the best for her... we are not gods or omnicients. you and i know that. and it is STUPID to think we could do something or help when we dont know what to do or she doesnt want to be helped... (im saying WE because i feel the same way too you know. i once felt the same way and had to kick the idea out of my head). all we can do is accept , watch, and hope.

try putting this in your head: is it our right to change the life of a person who doesnt want to be changed? if you wish for her well being then give her the freedom to choose and let her go... if you wish to help her, then help her by not being a pest to her.. but be a friend.

good night.. ill check up on this tom [img]smile.gif[/img]

[250]

she doesnt even give me the chance to be a friend

[Harkoliar]

quote:

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she doesnt even give me the chance to be a friend

---

then do nothing else but watch... for to step forward will just make problems worse (as you should know by now)

*** you know.. i actually went to a psychiatrist for this kind of problem you can find a lot of interesting facts about yourself. i found out what was my problem that i didnt even know... and didnt like finding it out but it did "enlighten" me somewhat.

if it gets damn too bad.. then go to the doc.. (im serious !!)

[250]

hmmm, a doctor's input? I want to hear about it... seriously

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... is there anything wrong with me?

[Cerek the Barbaric]

250,

I've been reading your posts regarding this subject. Most advice I would've given was well covered by others who responded. I haven't experienced the type of heartbreak you have - although I did stay in a bad relationship about 2 years longer than I should have once.

This most recent post sounded just like an experience my college roommate's brother had. He dated this girl for several years (3-4 at least). Now, he is the kind of guy that can LITERALLY have any woman he wants. Women just swoon over him. But he stayed with this girl. The strange part is, that this girl had a tendency to go absolutely beserk at times. They would get in huge fights. She would yell, scream, curse, and finally, throw things.
When my roommate told me what was happening, I was STUNNED. This guy could have a different lady every week if he chose too, but he was hooked on this "psycho" for some reason.
The only thing my roommate and I could figure out was that he was "trying to save her from herself". She had had severe problems in the past and I think he pictured himself as her "knight in shining armor" coming to rescue his "lady fair", whether she wanted to be rescued or not. She eventually got SOOO out of control, that he realized she would NEVER change and he ended the relationship for good.

Now then, I don't mean to suggest in any way that your lady is anything like this girl. She was definitely an "extreme" case. But it does sound as if you feel the same way my roommates brother did. When she says "I don't deserve you", you think, "if I can just give her ENOUGH love, she will see herself as I do and realize what a wonderful person she really is".
I'm not a psychologist, but I doubt ANY amount of love would be sufficient. She will just require more and more. If her self-esteem really IS that bad, it may require professional help.

It sounds like you've done everything possible from your end. As you said, the rest is up to her. That is a VERY hard thing to do - especially for guys. We always think that we can make a difference if we just try a little bit harder. I spent 2 years trying to make up for all the "wrongs" I committed in the first year of the relationship I mentioned (we were together 4 years total). I finally realized that - no matter what I did - it wasn't going to be enough. So I ended the relationship once and for all.

My thoughts and prayers are with both of you. I hope you both find the happiness you are searching for.

[250]

the barbarian spoke wisely [img]smile.gif[/img]

well, right now I am sort of in a state that "give without expectations" I mean, I still love her, but whether she changes or not, I dont give a damn. I love her when I am happy, and she can take care to go out of my way when she is upset. dont rain it on me, damnit. if she accpets me, then good for her. if she doesn't, I just be myself. thats all.

right now I am not trying to "love her enough so she may realize what a wonderful person she is." I am trying to "love her enough so she may realize what an idiot she has been."

I'll be a good friend in this case... but it is hard not to cross the line

[Sir Kenyth]

250! Don't make me come over there and shake you out of it! I'm older and have been down your road and others worse. You're young and heartbreak is painful. It strikes at so many tender spots in our psyches and egos. You'll have plenty of other girls and plenty more good times before it's all over. You've been mooning over this girl for some time now. I don't care if she's Ms. Universe and sister to Einstein! She's not worth this to you! If she doesn't want you, she doesn't! It's that simple and her loss! Don't torment yourself trying to figure out details that don't matter much anyway. She may tell the truth about the break up, she may lie, she may not even really know! So don't bother with it! The first person you need to start worrying about here is yourself. When you're young, break ups are real tough because you place so much of your self worth in the other person. Guess what, when that person leaves, they take your investment with them! It's good to give a girl you love a peice of yourself. It's not good to give so much that you'll be destroyed when they leave, and leave they shall! It happens a couple times in everyones life. My feelings on this 250 is that it's over. Over means done with. The fat lady is singing and it's time to look forward to the next opera. You need to start getting over her and the best way to do that is "CLOSURE"! Finalize this relationship and your feelings. Remove all rememberances and put them in a sealed box. Store that box wrapped with tons of tape. Open only when you have a successful new relationship. Practice positive thinking techniques. Whenever you think about her and that empty feeling comes back, SNAP OUT OF IT! Clear your mind and repeat phrases like:

"I'll be OK."

"Everythings OK."

"I'm strong enough to handle my own feelings."

"I'll find love again."

"I feel great."

"I love me!"

Etc., etc., etc. until the feeling passes.


Do NOT allow yourself to fall into long painful remembrances until you are at peace with the breakup. Force yourself to get up and do things you enjoy. Take up an interesting or positive new hobby. I did weight lifting and amateur radio after my seperation and divorce. None of this is going to be easy. It's kind of like hanging on to a buoy in rough water 150 meters from shore. You know you have to get back to shore, but you also know that it's not going to be easy. You cling to the buoy because you don't want to let go of the feeling of comfort it gives you. Even though you know hanging on will get you no where! Guess what, you swam out to the buoy when it looked like fun, you have the ability to swim back too. You made it into the relationship, you can make it out too. You just have to let go of the past and try, however frightening it may be. It's up to you really. People like me can talk until were blue in the face about the importance of self confidence and positive thinking. About how our experiences give us some insight on how you can better handle your problems. If you don't take it to heart and try, it's all wasted breath. YOU have to do it. YOU have to climb up out of the self-pity pit and see your potential. YOU control your life, where it goes and how you feel. NOT everyone else! They generally have their own pits to climb out of anyway. Take care and good luck. Seriously think about this 250. I mean it! You should mourn a lost relationship, but not make it into a little devil that torments you ceaselessly!