04-30-2001, 12:27 AM | #11 |
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Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Upstate NY USA
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It's a sunny morning in the big forest and the Bear family is just waking
up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars. Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?" "It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke up everybody else in the house. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mummy Bear who set the table. It was Mummy Bear who filled the cat's water & food dishes, cleaned the litter box and walked the dog. And now that you've decided to come down stairs and grace me with your presence....listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time.......I haven't made the %#@* porridge yet!!!" teehee! Cloudy ------------------ Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan Storm-Queen StormCloud of the Black Knight Heart Mind Soul Forever |
04-30-2001, 05:47 AM | #12 |
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------------------ Holy Avenger of the OHF and part time Pinguindiebjäger HATS for sale baby! Sponsored by Yorick Your ad here? Call 112 -221 -123 |
04-30-2001, 05:55 AM | #13 |
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Now Sir Tainly, thats just sick!
Ziroc PS: I liked the cat scan better.. ouch!! |
04-30-2001, 05:56 AM | #14 |
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Someone sent it to me at work, just wanted to share it!
------------------ Holy Avenger of the OHF and part time Pinguindiebjäger HATS for sale baby! Sponsored by Yorick Your ad here? Call 112 -221 -123 |
04-30-2001, 07:43 AM | #15 |
Baaz Draconian
Join Date: April 8, 2001
Location: Nottingham, UK
Age: 44
Posts: 786
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I've finally got round to typing this all out - don't read it if you hate long drawn out jokes with weak punchlines:
Not so long ago, before global communications and worldwide travel, zoos always had a problem obtaining exocitc animals to show to the public. This was true of London Zoo, whom had always condsidered themselves as having the best selection of wild and rare animals to be found anywhere. They also felt that breeding very rare species in capivity was a good idea, but often they could never find another zoo with the same animals. To get around this, they had a special team of explorers/biologists scouring the globe looking to new specimens to bring back to the zoo. Several years of training where involved, with the last one spent with another trained collector. Jeff had just returned from a very successful trip (in which a new species of raindeer with a red nose had been caught), still as an apprentice. However, when he got back the boss called him to his office to say he was ready to take on the job himself, alone. Within 1 week Jeff was sent deep into the Amazon rainforest in search of new animals to collect. His trip was to last 1 month, but with only 2 days to go he hadn't caught anything. He was desperate not to fail on his first attempt and disappoint his boss. Suddenly on the second to last day he stumbled into a clearing, that contained a huge beast, much bigger than an elephant, more tough than a rhino. He thought to himself 'Wow I've got to have this' After much cajouling and poking (fortunately the beast wasn't too bothered), he got it into a crate to send home. On his way back, he thought to himself 'what can I call such a beast. No ones seen one before, and I can't think of a suitable name. I KNOW, I CALL IT a RAREY' So, he got back to London zoo and went straight to his boss saying (too excited to hold back); 'look what I've found, it's great isn't it, I've called it a rarey!!!' His boss looks up calmly and says, 'Yes, we know. We've heard about these things, they are nothing but trouble. They tend to have random bursts of agressiveness, and nothing can be built to stop them. The're too dangerous to have around, so we don't tell anyone about them, because the public will just want to see one. I'm afraid you're going to have to get rid of it.' Jeff looked in disbelief, and argued for a bit. But eventually agreed to go along with it. Unfortunately it was too late to take it back to the wild as it wouldn't survive on it's own, so they were going to have kill the rarey. Jeff decided he wanted to do it himself, as he had found the dam thing. He started of trying to inject it to send it to sleep, but the needles just bent. Then he tried putting poison in it's food, but nothing happened. He tried to shot it, but the bullets bounced off. He tried blowing it up with high explosives, nothing. He tried drowning it, but it seemed quite happy underwater'. He tried everything. In frustration, he went back to his boss and said, 'Look I'm quite happy to get rid of this thing, but how?' His boss looked at him and said 'I'll see what I can find in my files' After a long search he found the old dusty file, after reading it through he summoned Jeff back to his office. He gave him the file, and said 'I've read it through, and it appears the only way to get rid of one of these things is to take it to the top of Mount Everest, and push it off the top. Jeff take a deep breath, and replies; - - - - - - - Are you ready for this, it's very bad indeed. - - - - - - - 'Well if that's what needs doing, I'll do it. But are you sure? IT'S A LONG WAY TO TIP A RAREY!!' The world quietens, and a gentle breeze whips up, several clumps of tumbleweed roll pass. After thirty seconds every one gets back on with their lives forgetting that this ever happened. [This message has been edited by Staralfur (edited 04-30-2001).] |
04-30-2001, 07:47 AM | #16 | |
Ironworks Moderator
Join Date: March 1, 2001
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Quote:
He's bad, isn't he? LOL Cloudy ------------------ Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan Storm-Queen StormCloud of the Black Knight Heart Mind Soul Forever |
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04-30-2001, 07:48 AM | #17 |
Ironworks Moderator
Join Date: March 1, 2001
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Staralfur- GROAN!
Cloudy ------------------ Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan Storm-Queen StormCloud of the Black Knight Heart Mind Soul Forever |
04-30-2001, 11:44 AM | #18 |
Baaz Draconian
Join Date: April 8, 2001
Location: Nottingham, UK
Age: 44
Posts: 786
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Sorry - shall I put a health warning at the top.
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04-30-2001, 11:46 AM | #19 | |
Ironworks Moderator
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Quote:
Cloudy ------------------ Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan Storm-Queen StormCloud of the Black Knight Heart Mind Soul Forever |
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04-30-2001, 11:48 AM | #20 | |
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Not never no-how, ------------------ Holy Avenger of the OHF and part time Pinguindiebjäger HATS for sale baby! Sponsored by Yorick Your ad here? Call 112 -221 -123 |
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