Golf Joke...Again

[Arvon]

Golf Caddy Quotes

Golfer: "I've played so poorly all day; I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake."
Caddy: "I doubt you could keep your head down that long."

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth."

Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!
Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir."

Golfer: "Caddy, do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Oh yes, sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to."

Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It's distracting!"
Caddy: "This isn't a watch, sir, its a compass!"

Golfer: "Caddy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin any day of the week!"

Golfer: "This golf is a funny game."
Caddy: "It's not supposed to be."

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, caddy. It looks far too old."
Caddy: "It's a long time since we started, sir."

Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."

Golfer (screaming): "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world!"
Caddy: "I doubt it. That would be too much of a coincidence!"

[Davros]

And Arsenal score - Goaaaaaaaaaal - whoops, wrong game .

I love the "eventually sir about the 5 iron" one - I must remember to use that. I have a few that I have collected from Scottish caddies on my 3 trips to the great links.

Caddie to bad tempered American at Troon (just reporting facts - no slur intended) on next fairway to us : "Hold on Sir, don't hit yet. You have a bit of shite on the end of yer club........No Sir, wrong end!!!" Caddie walked off and didn't care about a temper tantrum, or his tip.

Caddie at Prestwick after I had smashed a huge drive : "Ooh Sir - a BLONDIE"
Me : "What did you say - a BLONDIE - what's that?"
Caddie : "A fair crack up the middle sir "

One of my group played the first hole of Turnberry very poorly - he had about 8 before he landed one on a house that is well off target.
Tour Leader to caddie : "He's just having a nervous start - don't worry, this guy had 38 points on the Old Course yesterday".
Caddie : "Oh aye, and who was playin for him them?"

Caddie at 2nd hole at St Andrews : "OK sir, this is the 2nd hole , and the first of the double greens. Your flagstick is the one o the right - the yellow one. I want you to play to the right hand side of that flagstick - don't worry about that gorse over there, you'll never reach it - just DO NOT GO LEFT"
Of course this guy hits a huge pull left, so badly he nearly brains people that are putting out at the left flagstick - we are talking 100 metres left. Caddie lets out a sigh, knowing that he is in for a long day.
Caddie : "Well here's your putter Sir. Yer on the dance floor, but ye'll no be hearin the band from o'er there".

[Barry the Sprout]

LOL!!! All extremely funny!