A rather interesting story...

theholyavenger · 05-28-2003, 01:17 PM

Here's a rather ridiculous, yet amusing story i've read from a book about Darwin Awards:

There's apparently not much to occupy residents of Long Branch during the warm May evenings. A fifty-one-year old man decided to satisfy his fantasy of robotic love by seeking sexual gratification with his vacuum cleaner. Most men would think twice before poking a valuable organ into a vacuum, but this optimistic fellow had no safety qualms, and besides, using a vacuum cleaner had the appealing aspect of tidying up his mess afterward.
Our horny hero didn't realize that the suction on a handheld Singer A-6 was created by a blade whirling just beneath the hose attachment, adjacent to the collection bag. His search for pleasure was cut short seconds after he stuck his reproductive organ into the vacuum and the blade lopped off part of his glans. With a sense of loss he staggered to the phone and called police. He told them he had been stabbed in his sleep.
When police pointed out suspicious evidence, the victim claimed not to remember the incident.
Surgeons at Monmouth Medical Center stopped the bleeding, but were unable to reattach the half-inch severed part. Though the man is still alive, his ability to reproduce has been curtailed by both his injury and his proclivity for household appliances.

Drake · 05-28-2003, 01:41 PM

errr ouch...well this story has convinced me to change my plans for later tonight [img]tongue.gif[/img]

NiceWorg · 05-28-2003, 01:46 PM

Just when I was thinking...

Stratos · 05-28-2003, 02:17 PM

"His search for pleasure was cut short seconds..."

[ 05-28-2003, 02:18 PM: Message edited by: Stratos ]

Raistlin Majere · 05-28-2003, 02:56 PM

ouch! but there is a lesson to be learned from this, which is: DONT BY VACUUMS WITH FREAKING BLADES IN THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uhhhh, i meant, dont stick your organs into places they dont belong

Beaumanoir · 05-28-2003, 03:10 PM

Hmmmmm, I always stick my dogs tail in the vacuum while its sleeping, lol, just to annoy it...... Good job I haven't got a killer vacuum cleaner [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Paladin2000 · 05-28-2003, 03:12 PM

Never, never stick your reproductive organ in places that are not meant to be. I guess he learnt that lesson too late.

[ 05-28-2003, 03:13 PM: Message edited by: Paladin2000 ]

Raistlin Majere · 05-28-2003, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Paladin2000:
Never, never stick your reproductive organ in places that are not meant to be. I guess he learnt that lesson too late.

he has to look on the bright side, now that its too late, he can do it all he wants! after all, hes got nothing more to lose

.

Paladin2000 · 05-28-2003, 03:21 PM

Quote:

he has to look on the bright side, now that its too late, he can do it all he wants! after all, hes got nothing more to lose

.

Uh... I think his organ is too damaged for any of those activities anymore.

[ 05-28-2003, 03:22 PM: Message edited by: Paladin2000 ]

Grojlach · 05-28-2003, 03:23 PM

*glances at Paladin2000's signature*
Well, I believe I can answer that question now...

05-28-2003, 01:17 PM	#1
theholyavenger Manshoon Join Date: February 27, 2002 Location: Faerun Age: 40 Posts: 205	Here's a rather ridiculous, yet amusing story i've read from a book about Darwin Awards: There's apparently not much to occupy residents of Long Branch during the warm May evenings. A fifty-one-year old man decided to satisfy his fantasy of robotic love by seeking sexual gratification with his vacuum cleaner. Most men would think twice before poking a valuable organ into a vacuum, but this optimistic fellow had no safety qualms, and besides, using a vacuum cleaner had the appealing aspect of tidying up his mess afterward. Our horny hero didn't realize that the suction on a handheld Singer A-6 was created by a blade whirling just beneath the hose attachment, adjacent to the collection bag. His search for pleasure was cut short seconds after he stuck his reproductive organ into the vacuum and the blade lopped off part of his glans. With a sense of loss he staggered to the phone and called police. He told them he had been stabbed in his sleep. When police pointed out suspicious evidence, the victim claimed not to remember the incident. Surgeons at Monmouth Medical Center stopped the bleeding, but were unable to reattach the half-inch severed part. Though the man is still alive, his ability to reproduce has been curtailed by both his injury and his proclivity for household appliances. __________________ \"There once was a warrior true,<br />with the sense knocked out of him, too.<br />But in a hamster he found,<br />some wisdom profound,<br />and now where goes he goes his Boo!\"<br /><br />~Crazy Celvan in Baldur\'s Gate II Shadows of Amn

05-28-2003, 01:41 PM	#2
Drake Baaz Draconian Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: ? Age: 40 Posts: 729	errr ouch...well this story has convinced me to change my plans for later tonight [img]tongue.gif[/img] __________________ &Neil<br />Winner of both \'Arledrian\'s Weirdest Thread of 2003 Award\'<br />And the \'Most pointless thread Lavindathar Has Ever Seen Award 2002\'

05-28-2003, 01:46 PM	#3
NiceWorg Baaz Draconian Join Date: January 15, 2002 Location: Vaasa, Finland Age: 42 Posts: 772	Just when I was thinking... __________________ Fell in love with a country girl, morning sunshine<br />She was up from a nether world, just to bust another soul<br />[url]\"http://jarkokson.suddenlaunch.com\" target=\"_blank\">Click!</a>

05-28-2003, 02:17 PM	#4
Stratos Vampire Join Date: January 29, 2003 Location: Sweden Age: 43 Posts: 3,888	"His search for pleasure was cut short* seconds..."* [ 05-28-2003, 02:18 PM: Message edited by: Stratos ] __________________ Nothing is impossible, it's just a matter of probability.

05-28-2003, 02:56 PM	#5
Raistlin Majere Ra Join Date: March 26, 2002 Location: Finland Age: 36 Posts: 2,323	ouch! but there is a lesson to be learned from this, which is: DONT BY VACUUMS WITH FREAKING BLADES IN THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uhhhh, i meant, dont stick your organs into places they dont belong __________________ If the radiance of a thousand suns were to burst forth at once in the sky, that would be like the splendor of the Mighty One. "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds."

05-28-2003, 03:10 PM	#6
Beaumanoir Iron Throne Cult Join Date: June 3, 2001 Location: There is no IRL, Only AFK. Age: 35 Posts: 4,896	Hmmmmm, I always stick my dogs tail in the vacuum while its sleeping, lol, just to annoy it...... Good job I haven't got a killer vacuum cleaner [img]tongue.gif[/img]

05-28-2003, 03:12 PM	#7
Paladin2000 Fzoul Chembryl Join Date: February 19, 2002 Location: Your guess is as good as mine. Age: 52 Posts: 1,728	Never, never stick your reproductive organ in places that are not meant to be. I guess he learnt that lesson too late. [ 05-28-2003, 03:13 PM: Message edited by: Paladin2000 ] __________________ (This is an invisible sig.)

05-28-2003, 03:23 PM	#10
Grojlach Zartan Join Date: May 2, 2001 Location: Ulpia Noviomagus Batavorum Age: 43 Posts: 5,281	glances at Paladin2000's signature Well, I believe I can answer that question now...

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