true caloric benefits of sex (pg13)

Harkoliar · 03-23-2004, 03:47 AM

I know its a bit umm.. on the borderline here. If you mods feel that this is not appropriate in a family forum go ahead and delete it (or tell me and ill delete this post). as usual i got this from my email. cheers!
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Message: It's been known for years that sex is
good exercise, but until
recentlynobody had made a scientific study of the
caloric expenditure of different
sexual activities. Now, for the first time in
the Western World, here are
the true caloric benefits of sex.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With consent....................... 12 Calories
Without consent.................... 187 Calories
EDIT: pls do note the "without consent" part is not "rape" but rather a partner trying to get his/her partner in a mood by removing his/her clothes. I just wanted to clarify this bit since there was a few misunderstanding by some members.

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands........................ 8 Calories
With one hand.......................... 12 Calories
With your teeth........................ 85 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection....................... 6 Calories
Without an erection.................... 315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 92 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary............................. 12 Calories
69 lying down.......................... 78 Calories
69 standing up......................... 112 Calories (I can't imagine how
they do this!)
Wheelbarrow.......................... .. 216 Calories
Doggy Style............................ 326 Calories
Italian chandelier..................... 912 Calories (anyone knows how to do
this?)

ORGASM:
Real................................... 112 Calories
False.................................. 315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging................... 18 Calories
Getting up immediately................. 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately............816 Calories

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly................................. 32 Calories
In a hurry............................. 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories
30-39 years............................ 80 Calories
40-49 years............................ 124 Calories
50-59 years............................ 972 Calories
60-69 years............................ 2916 Calories
70 and over.............................Death

[ 03-24-2004, 04:43 PM: Message edited by: Harkoliar ]

GokuZool · 03-23-2004, 04:09 AM

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:

With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories

Heh

[ 03-23-2004, 04:10 AM: Message edited by: GokuZool ]

slicer15 · 03-23-2004, 12:10 PM

LOL, hilarious!

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With consent....................... 12 Calories
Without consent.................... 187 Calories

Paladin2000 · 03-23-2004, 01:43 PM

[img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] LOL, nice one Hark.

Illumina Drathiran'ar · 03-23-2004, 02:11 PM

Hm... I'd tell you right now how you do some of those things, but I'm not going to be responsible for rendering someone Impure. I will say this, though.
69 standing up would burn relatively wayyyy more calories than lying down.

Melusine · 03-23-2004, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by slicer15:
LOL, hilarious!

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With consent....................... 12 Calories
Without consent.................... 187 Calories

You think that's hilarious? [img]graemlins/idontagreeatall.gif[/img]
That tells me more about you than I want to know.
Edited to remove puke smiley that I find wholly appropriate but will probably be considered offensive

[ 03-23-2004, 03:30 PM: Message edited by: Melusine ]

Dron_Cah · 03-23-2004, 03:30 PM

Sounds rather akward, to me.

Sythe · 03-23-2004, 03:47 PM

Great one Hark! Gave me a few chuckles!

The Hierophant · 03-23-2004, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Harkoliar:
PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 92 Calories

Trying to find the G-Spot after a dozen cans of beer..... 1000 calories, but in the end not actually possible.
Falling asleep between her legs after drinking same quantity of alcohol... 0 calories.

[ 03-23-2004, 04:38 PM: Message edited by: The Hierophant ]

Link · 03-23-2004, 04:40 PM

Well sleeping does burn calories, Hiero

But maybe the rough-up afterwards ("You bastard! Why did you fall asleep") will burn you a lot more.. hum-hum.. calories

03-23-2004, 03:47 AM	#1
Harkoliar Jack Burton Join Date: March 21, 2001 Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney Age: 41 Posts: 5,556	I know its a bit umm.. on the borderline here. If you mods feel that this is not appropriate in a family forum go ahead and delete it (or tell me and ill delete this post). as usual i got this from my email. cheers! - - - - - Message: It's been known for years that sex is good exercise, but until recentlynobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Now, for the first time in the Western World, here are the true caloric benefits of sex. REMOVING HER CLOTHES: With consent....................... 12 Calories Without consent.................... 187 Calories EDIT: pls do note the "without consent" part is not "rape" but rather a partner trying to get his/her partner in a mood by removing his/her clothes. I just wanted to clarify this bit since there was a few misunderstanding by some members. OPENING HER BRA: With both hands........................ 8 Calories With one hand.......................... 12 Calories With your teeth........................ 85 Calories PUTTING ON A CONDOM: With an erection....................... 6 Calories Without an erection.................... 315 Calories PRELIMINARIES: Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 92 Calories POSITIONS: Missionary............................. 12 Calories 69 lying down.......................... 78 Calories 69 standing up......................... 112 Calories (I can't imagine how they do this!) Wheelbarrow.......................... .. 216 Calories Doggy Style............................ 326 Calories Italian chandelier..................... 912 Calories (anyone knows how to do this?) ORGASM: Real................................... 112 Calories False.................................. 315 Calories POST ORGASM: Lying in bed hugging................... 18 Calories Getting up immediately................. 36 Calories Explaining why you got out of bed immediately............816 Calories DRESSING AFTERWARDS: Calmly................................. 32 Calories In a hurry............................. 98 Calories With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521Calories GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are: 20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories 30-39 years............................ 80 Calories 40-49 years............................ 124 Calories 50-59 years............................ 972 Calories 60-69 years............................ 2916 Calories 70 and over.............................Death [ 03-24-2004, 04:43 PM: Message edited by: Harkoliar ] __________________ Catch me if you can..

03-23-2004, 01:43 PM	#4
Paladin2000 Fzoul Chembryl Join Date: February 19, 2002 Location: Your guess is as good as mine. Age: 52 Posts: 1,728	[img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] LOL, nice one Hark. __________________ (This is an invisible sig.)

03-23-2004, 02:11 PM	#5
Illumina Drathiran'ar Apophis Join Date: July 10, 2002 Location: I can see the Manhattan skyline from my window. Age: 38 Posts: 4,673	Hm... I'd tell you right now how you do some of those things, but I'm not going to be responsible for rendering someone Impure. I will say this, though. 69 standing up would burn relatively wayyyy more calories than lying down. __________________ http://cavestory.org PLAY THIS GAME. Seriously. http://xkcd.com/386/ http://www.xkcd.com/406/ My heart is like my coffee. Black, bitter, icy, and with a straw.

03-23-2004, 03:47 PM	#8
Sythe Ra Join Date: May 19, 2002 Location: The US of A Age: 35 Posts: 2,365	Great one Hark! Gave me a few chuckles! __________________ Slythe is back! Back again! Haha! <br /><br />[url]\"http://imageshack.us\" target=\"_blank\"> [img]\"http://img472.imageshack.us/img472/9928/130blood4ts.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /></a>

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03-23-2004, 04:09 AM	#2
GokuZool Lord Ao Join Date: September 11, 2001 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 2,061	DRESSING AFTERWARDS: With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories Heh [ 03-23-2004, 04:10 AM: Message edited by: GokuZool ]

03-23-2004, 12:10 PM	#3
slicer15 Symbol of Cyric Join Date: November 12, 2002 Location: Banstead, Southeast England Age: 37 Posts: 1,162	LOL, hilarious! REMOVING HER CLOTHES: With consent....................... 12 Calories Without consent.................... 187 Calories

03-23-2004, 03:30 PM	#7
Dron_Cah Horus - Egyptian Sky God Join Date: March 2, 2003 Location: Kentucky Age: 37 Posts: 2,637	Sounds rather akward, to me.

03-23-2004, 04:40 PM	#10
Link Jack Burton Join Date: May 15, 2001 Location: The Netherlands Age: 39 Posts: 5,888	Well sleeping does burn calories, Hiero But maybe the rough-up afterwards ("You bastard! Why did you fall asleep") will burn you a lot more.. hum-hum.. calories

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