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Old 08-27-2001, 05:43 PM   #11
MILAMBER
Lord Soth
 

Join Date: March 5, 2001
Location: Southern California
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Seriously, you don't need to borrow trouble for yourself. Especially in this circumstance when it seems like it's not your place to involve yourself by telling her bf.

As far as the second part goes. Everyone does stupid things. I have some friends that have cheated on their gf's. I don't like it, but I'm not going to throw away history and a great friendship because they did something stupid. All you can do is be a friend and advise them to not do things like that.

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Old 08-27-2001, 05:44 PM   #12
Lord Shield
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i don't think you should tell her current b/f, but how about the PROSPECTIVE one - tell him she's already got one

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Old 08-27-2001, 05:52 PM   #13
Yorick
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Join Date: January 7, 2001
Location: Breukelen (over the river from New Amsterdam)
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Moridin, I concur with the others that telling him would be a bad idea.

However I would remain friends with her. I think you have to go on how she treats you as a friend, not how she treats others in a relationship. It sounds like she is open with you - necessary for a good friendship. If you were asking if you having a relationship with her were a good idea, this would be a different case. As it is, as friends we have different expectations don't we? Don't we accept a friend if they smoke pot and we don't? Or if they have one night stands and we don't? Or if they lie to their mother and we don't? It's just part of accepting imperfection, just as we need such acceptance IMO.

Ascertaining whether she would be a good life partner would be an entirely different question.

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Old 08-27-2001, 05:57 PM   #14
MILAMBER
Lord Soth
 

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Quote:
Originally posted by Yorick:
Moridin, I concur with the others that telling him would be a bad idea.

However I would remain friends with her. I think you have to go on how she treats you as a friend, not how she treats others in a relationship. It sounds like she is open with you - necessary for a good friendship. If you were asking if you having a relationship with her were a good idea, this would be a different case. As it is, as friends we have different expectations don't we? Don't we accept a friend if they smoke pot and we don't? Or if they have one night stands and we don't? Or if they lie to their mother and we don't? It's just part of accepting imperfection, just as we need such acceptance IMO.

Ascertaining whether she would be a good life partner would be an entirely different question.

Yup, what he said. Very insightful post there Yorick.



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Old 08-27-2001, 07:27 PM   #15
Ryanamur
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For all it's worth, I agree totally with Yorick on this one.
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Old 08-27-2001, 09:39 PM   #16
Leonidas
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Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: FL, USA
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Hi, Moridin!

Pretty good advice, even if a bit contradictory (at first read). I totally agree on the first part, you shouldn't tell the current b/f.

However, on the second part, experience with a security-needy girl (I was THIRD in line...), and a best friend who was cheating on his wife and bragging to me about his exploits, I think that simple yes/no is not enough. If you get the feeling that she is using b/f as a security blanket, then I think that is what you should target in your discussions, not the immorality of betraying trust. Such a perceived need can easily preclude any concern of another's well-being. If, however, you think that she is bragging to you, or seeking your support, implicitly or explicitly, then I would seriously consider breaking off your friendship, as I had to threaten to do with my best friend. Tread carefully and lightly, no matter what you do, and if you have a faith, then pray for guidance before you do anything!

I hope that you can shine some light into your friend's darkness!

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Old 08-28-2001, 07:56 AM   #17
Epona
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Join Date: March 1, 2001
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My advice, for what it's worth:

Don't tell the bf

Let your friend know that you disapprove of her actions and why, - but don't expect her to change as a result. She is still the same person that you became friends with and that should be valued, even though you have differing opinions on this one thing. And offer your support and sympathy when it all goes horribly wrong, which it is likely to do! People have to learn by their own mistakes.

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