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Old 03-18-2003, 08:39 AM   #1
Harkoliar
Jack Burton
 

Join Date: March 21, 2001
Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney
Age: 34
Posts: 5,556
as usual i got this from the email and this would be great for a couple of good laughs.. go ahead and read on

>WHY TEACHERS GO CRAZY
>TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
> STUDENT: Seven.
>TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
> STUDENT: Nine.
> TEACHER: That's impossible.
> STUDENT: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm eight today.
> ----------------------------------------------------
>
>SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
>BILLY : No, I'm Billy Anderson.
>----------------------------------------------------
>
> TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
> STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
> TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
>STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you to
>keep yours.
>----------------------------------------------------
>TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
>TOMMY : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
> ----------------------------------------------------
>HAROLD : Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
> TEACHER : Of course not.
>HAROLD : Good, because I didn't do my homework.
>----------------------------------------------------
>
>TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
>JOHN : I hope you didn't either.
> ----------------------------------------------------
>
>GARY : I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
>TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
> ----------------------------------------------------
>
> MOTHER : Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
>JUNIOR : Because of absence.
>MOTHER : You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
>JUNIOR : No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
> ----------------------------------------------------
>
> SILVIA : Dad, can you write in the dark?
> FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?
> SYLVIA : Your name on this report card.
> ----------------------------------------------------
> TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
> FATHER : What's that?
>TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.
> ----------------------------------------------------
>
> TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
> SAMMY : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.
> ----------------------------------------------------
>
>TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
> ELLEN : I is...
>TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
> ELLEN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
> ----------------------------------------------------
>
>BOY : Isn't the principal a dummy!
>GIRL: Say, do you know who I am?
>BOY : No.
>GIRL: I'm the principal's daughter.
>BOY : And do you know who I am?
>GIRL: No.
>BOY : Thank goodness!
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Old 03-18-2003, 09:57 AM   #2
lasher
Dungeon Master
 

Join Date: January 31, 2003
Location: Europe
Age: 38
Posts: 94
ROFL
I love the one it's the lowest grade i can give you.
luckily i dont share my bureau.
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Old 03-18-2003, 11:03 AM   #3
Mojo
Elminster
 

Join Date: July 17, 2002
Location: Aberdeenshire, Scotland, UK
Age: 31
Posts: 451
Ah, the memories....
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Say No to Cosmetics Control! And the Trouser Tyranny!<br /><br />Like Final Fantasy? -[url]\"http://forums.ragnarokextreme.net\" target=\"_blank\">Ragnarok Extreme Forums</a>!!
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Old 03-18-2003, 02:16 PM   #4
/)eathKiller
Dracolisk
 

Join Date: January 5, 2002
Location: Guantanamo Bay, Cuba
Age: 32
Posts: 6,043
ah those cute lil' munchkins...

Both my parents are teachers, and belive me, they'd love to quit right about now [img]tongue.gif[/img] as they have since the day after the day they started, I think [img]tongue.gif[/img]
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[img]\"http://membres.lycos.fr/th8or/ZeroSigForIronworks.gif\" alt=\" - \" /> o.o;
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Old 03-18-2003, 02:21 PM   #5
Arvon
Unicorn
 

Join Date: October 4, 2001
Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus
Posts: 4,212
AH another rerun...but still very funny...

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Old 03-18-2003, 02:27 PM   #6
Arvon
Unicorn
 

Join Date: October 4, 2001
Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus
Posts: 4,212
Chemistry Lesson

A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe the worms closely," said the teacher putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a door nail.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the teacher asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits at the back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

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Old 03-18-2003, 02:31 PM   #7
Arvon
Unicorn
 

Join Date: October 4, 2001
Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus
Posts: 4,212
Here's another oldie...

Beautiful Grammar Lesson

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. Excellent, Michael!"

Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Oh that's beautiful, just beautiful!"

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Old 03-18-2003, 02:37 PM   #8
Arvon
Unicorn
 

Join Date: October 4, 2001
Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus
Posts: 4,212
Here's one even older....

Science Fair Winners

Grand Prize Winner:

When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.

Runners-up:

If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the worlds great literary works in Braille.

Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.

Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate.

The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

Honorable Mentions:

Birds take off at sunrise. On the opposite side of the world, they are landing at sunset. This causes the earth to spin on its axis.

The reason hot-rod owners raise the backs of their cars is that it's easier to go faster when you're always going downhill.

The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."

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Old 03-19-2003, 12:36 AM   #9
Harkoliar
Jack Burton
 

Join Date: March 21, 2001
Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney
Age: 34
Posts: 5,556
hey arvon you must have alot of those stories like that stashed in your HD [img]smile.gif[/img] for you to post so many
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Old 03-19-2003, 08:38 AM   #10
Arvon
Unicorn
 

Join Date: October 4, 2001
Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus
Posts: 4,212
Quote:
Originally posted by Harkoliar:
hey arvon you must have alot of those stories like that stashed in your HD [img]smile.gif[/img] for you to post so many
Nope! But I do know where to go to get them when needed....

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