Political correctness

[Arvon]

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES." You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore..
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN"
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She ! does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
6. He does not get "FALLING- DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED"
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE".

[Callum]

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

OI! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Iron Greasel]

I'm not evil. I am ethically flexible.

[Vaskez]

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY." 3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS." 10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED"

[ 03-10-2006, 10:06 AM: Message edited by: Vaskez ]

[True_Moose]

For those of you interested in such things, I would check out Politically Correct Bedtime Stories. There's an entire series of them, and they are absolutely hilarious and well done.

[Nightwing]

Does anyone remember Spike Jones singing "old man river" in a politically correct way? This was way back in the late 50s or early 60s, but it was priceless.

[Arvon]

Originally posted by Nightwing: Does anyone remember Spike Jones singing "old man river" in a politically correct way? This was way back in the late 50s or early 60s, but it was priceless.

No, but I do remember Stan Freeburg doing that.

[Bungleau]

Like in this link?

It was a bit in a show where a censor corrected the things that were offensive with the song....

[Felix The Assassin]

Originally posted by Arvon: Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES." You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

Hillbillies? Wat the tar heel ya talkin bout. We ain't no hills-billiz, weez real talking Bubbas 'round here! Ya Hear!
Dem thar hills u talkin bout tis over ta da East, u's got ta cross'em fore you gits to Virginnie, or West Ginnie, Ya Hear!

[Balintherlas]

I frickin hate gettin in trouble for not being politicaly correct, its a joke.