Schoolbullies..

[Aelia Jusa]

Originally posted by SomeGuy: I went through a phase myself, and I can say, not all bullies are insecure. A lot of the bullies I had to put up had g/fs, popularity, money, I knew their parents and they seemed to be doing well.

You can't judge someone's inner security by how much 'stuff' they have. You'd be surprised how many teenagers who commit suicide - people who are so desperately unhappy and believe they are so worthless everyone would be better off without them, have good families, friends, boy/girlfriends, good grades and so on. Anyone who relies on tormenting people that are less capable of defending themselves to feel good about themselves is seriously insecure, regardless of how much stuff they have.

One concern that I have about this, Uss, is that out of love and worry for your sister, you discuss you concerns about her being bullied about her weight with her and inadvertantly make her self conscious about it or any other potential bullying attribute. As I and others have commented previously, whether you are bullied or not has less to do with what you look or act like, than the internal resources you have for dealing with being bullied. Bullies are inherently cowards, so they choose people who won't be able to fight back, so it is less that they choose people who have something 'funny' about them, than they choose less strong people and find something to bully them about. It is not inevitable that your sister will be bullied because of her weight, it is more dependent on how self confident and happy she feels. I think the best way for you to help her, before she starts being bullied, is to really help her feel the most confident she can [img]smile.gif[/img]

[uss]

[quote]Originally posted by Aelia Jusa:

One concern that I have about this, Uss, is that out of love and worry for your sister, you discuss you concerns about her being bullied about her weight with her and inadvertantly make her self conscious about it or any other potential bullying attribute. As I and others have commented previously, whether you are bullied or not has less to do with what you look or act like, than the internal resources you have for dealing with being bullied. Bullies are inherently cowards, so they choose people who won't be able to fight back, so it is less that they choose people who have something 'funny' about them, than they choose less strong people and find something to bully them about. It is not inevitable that your sister will be bullied because of her weight, it is more dependent on how self confident and happy she feels. I think the best way for you to help her, before she starts being bullied, is to really help her feel the most confident she can [img]smile.gif[/img]

Sometimes exceptionally heavy weight is something 'funny' in a person. Words that refer to how overweight the 'victim' is seems to be a very effective weak point. But yes, of course CONFIDENCE is what's by far most important. Like avoiding eye-contact(even when being bullied) is a sign of lack of confidence.

As I mentioned when writing the topic, and as me and my older sister concluded about this dilemma, is that if you can dodge getting hurt from the words that the 'bully' says, then everything's ok. Of course, this doesn't apply in all cases, like some of the situations mentioned here, as most likely it won't end with causing physical damage from either side, and it isn't involved with drugs or anything(come on, we're talking about fifth grade students ).

Arledrian, you said that I won't be able to know the whole truth, only what my cautious nature tells me to think. But I know that she's been feeling like s**t because of that. I still do appreciate your kind words, though [img]smile.gif[/img]

As a sidenote, this is a very personal matter, and my sister finding her confidence is the only (logical) way that could really conclude this part in her life. Talking to this so-called bully could even make it worse.


I had a long period in my life, where I had to fear the 'bully.' Not being the only one lacking confidence, I hoped he'd talk about the others to fill the urge to insult, and not mention me. Every day, I thought about 'How many times did he make fun of me today?' and came up with a at least a few instances most of the time, and was joyous every day he missed school. It was a living hell. But looking back today, I'm not that sad about that. In fact, it was sort of like learning a lesson vital in life, which meant overcoming a huge fear. It makes me happy that I know I am more confident today, and my classmates have also matured(except maybe one friend who likes to hide other peoples' stuff.. but that's always in poor jest, and that's always just him ).

I'll just try to always be there for her if she needs me and maybe try to help her get the required confidence. There is no more I can do - it'll be difficult for her but she will overcome it as time passes.


Everybody, thank you very much for sharing your kind words and personal experiences. Your thoughts will be taken into consideration, Ironworksmen