Favorite SNL Quotes

Iron_Ranger · 12-02-2002, 12:25 AM

Recite your favorite Saturday Night Live Quotes here! SNL is one of the funniest shows I have ever had the pleasure of watching. Though I admit, some the sketes that arent particularly funny go on for way too long. Anyway here are some of mine:

French Stuart: My name is French!
Burt Reynolds: Yeah, well, who gives a damn?

Jimmy Fallon: Gandalf was gay? I didnt know that.

The entire sketch of Hardball with Chriss Mathews when John McCain was hosting.

Iron_Ranger · 12-02-2002, 12:27 AM

Hardball

Chris Matthews.....Darrell Hammond
John Ashcroft.....Sen. John McCain
Rebecca DeWitt.....Rachel Dratch
Harry Belefonte.....Tracy Morgan

Chris Matthews: Welcome back to "Hardball", I'm Chris Matthews! One quick program note: next week, the Hardball College Tour continues when we come to you live from Bob Jones University with Special Guest: Coolio! The topic that night's gonna be tax reform! But today, we're talking about homeland security! Al-Quaeda's chatter's is revving up again, people in Maryland have to wear a Kevlar vest every time they go to a gas station, and every town from Buffalo to Portland's sticky with terrorists! The only security the office of homeland security provides is the security of knowing I can't go outside without browning my pants! When I get scared, I shout! And when I shout, I get scared! Are we safer today than we were pre-9/11? Joining us today: Associate Director for the ACLU, Rebecca DeWitt!

Rebecca DeWitt: Hello, Chris.

Chris Matthews: Bor-ing! Also joining us: Attorney General of the United States, John Ashcroft!

John Ashcroft: [ somewhat gruff ] Thanks for having me, Chris.

Chris Matthews: I had to! I was afraid you'd arrest me and put me in a camp! And, finally: he made headlines last week when he called Colin Powell a sell-out, comparing him to a slave serving his master, Harry Belefonte! Harry, welcome!

Harry Belefonte: Welcome? Welcome? What are you, some kind of slave master?

Chris Matthews: Aw, Belefonte! Crazy, right off the bat! I love it! Attorney General, we're gonna start with you! How do we make this country feel safe again?

John Ashcroft: Chris. Security starts with vigilence. As Americans, we will never truly be free. Until each and every one of us is afraid of being throw in a jail. But thanks to the Tips program, we've been able to detain tens of thousands of potential American terrorists for months at a time, for little or no reason. Just like the Founding Fathers dreamed!

Chris Matthews: Rebecca DeWitt, what Ashcroft just said was pretty crazy - can you beat it?!

Rebecca DeWitt: Chris, we're living in a police state. Most of the people detained under Mr. Ashcroft's orders haven't been charged with a crime or given access to legal counsel. The Taliban prisoners at Guantanamo Bay are being denied their basic human rights. They can't practice their religion, they're not allowed access to their weapons, they can't even confer with their terrorist leader! It's appalling!

Chris Matthews: Wow! An impressive display of insanity! Harry Belefonte, keep this crazy train rolling!

Harry Belefonte: Chris, I'm gonna say something that a lot of people are afraid to say: Osama bin Laden is a Uncle Tom!

Chris Matthews: [ shaking his head with wonder ] Good God! I can't even figure out who that's offensive to! Mr. Ashcroft, what plans does the Justice Department have to make our country safer?

John Ashcroft: We’ve got some real great stuff in the works. There's one plan that would make the Arab language, or anything that sounds like it, illegal. In addition, we've gone back into ten years of old files to traxk down terrorist sleeper agents! Foremost amongst them: Shaquille O'Neal.

Chris Matthews: [ chuckling ] Shaquille O'Neal! Are you serious!

John Ashcroft: Yes! We learned that he was in a Middle Eastern-flavored movie, entitled "Kazaam!" I watched this film last week, and from what I can gather, it is some kind of terrorist training video!

Chris Matthews: How about it, Rebecca DeWitt? Should we be throwing genie-portrayed basketball players in jail?

Rebecca DeWitt: Chris, every society needs police. But who will police the police? My idea: terrorists! Give the terorists guns and badges, and the ability to arrest law enforcement and military personnel. That way, there are checks and balances.

Chris Matthews: Dear Lord. Belefonte! Hit me with a quick one!

Harry Belefonte: The war in Iraq is in a minstrel show!

Chris Matthews: Fantastic! Another!

Harry Belefonte: Winston Churchill was a house Negro!

Chris Matthews: One more time!

Harry Belefonte: Poodles are the black man of the dog world!

Chris Matthews: Whoa-oa! [ laughs uproariously ] I'm never gonna get tired of this! Final thoughts, Mr. Ashcroft! Whom in this country can truly be safe?

John Ashcroft: Every American citizen. Every man, woman and child has a bar code tattooed on their neck, and a chip in their head that responds to this remote control! [ holds up remote control ]

Chris Matthews: Jiminy Christmas! Rebecca DeWitt!

Rebecca DeWitt: Chris, if you bake one cake, it doesn't make you a baker; if you paint one painting, it doesn't make you a painter; but if you blow up one embassy, it automatically makes you a terrorist! [ laughing ] It's hypocritical!

Chris Matthews: That just might be the dumbest thing I ever heard! Harry Belefonte! don't let me down!

Harry Belefonte: Pokemon is a slave trader; Pikachu is a slave master!

Chris Matthews: [ singing ] "Craz-o. Cra-a-az-o. Belafonte is a crazy mofo!" [ laughs ] Join us tomorrow, when Shaquille O'Neal joins us live via satelite from a prison at Guantanamo Bay! I'm Chris Matthews! Dabba da "Hahbah"!

Heartless Butterscotch · 12-02-2002, 01:06 AM

"The extra 'S' is for extra harrasssment!"

12-02-2002, 01:41 AM

Hehe good Post Iron Ranger the Rat-lamb is pleased [img]graemlins/lamb.gif[/img] HEHEHEHEHE

. In Aus we don;t have Saturday night live. We have a fake news show called CNNNN Though. Its very funny, even the fake advertisments are funny. (There isn't any brakes because its on public television!!) And on you mentioning Guantanamo bay, you might hear something from /)eathkiller

Nanobyte · 12-02-2002, 01:45 AM

Many great comedians start as SNL nobodies. Jimmy Fallon is an all time fav.
I just got done watching a Chevy Chase roast rerun, and I'd have to say that he isn't one of them [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Iron_Ranger · 12-02-2002, 01:52 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Slizerio:
Hehe good Post Iron Ranger the Rat-lamb is pleased [img]graemlins/lamb.gif[/img] HEHEHEHEHE . In Aus we don;t have Saturday night live. We have a fake news show called CNNNN Though. Its very funny, even the fake advertisments are funny. (There isn't any brakes because its on public television!!) And on you mentioning Guantanamo bay, you might hear something from /)eathkiller

LOL, May the Rat Lamb bless us.

I have heard of CNNNN before..I have never had the opurtinity to watch it though, just read about it. Not quiet sure what you mean by the Guantanamo Bay thing..But its all in jest.

12-02-2002, 04:39 AM

/)ethkiller is from Guantanamo bay. And t's in a commie country

.(Only kidding /)eath! [img]smile.gif[/img] )

Jorath Calar · 12-02-2002, 09:25 AM

John Trebek to Björk on celebrity jepardy (Rockstar edition):
"Are you Icelandic or Retarded?!"

[img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img]

Also the whole Herlehy boy with Adam Sandler and Chris Farly... [img]smile.gif[/img]

Hiram Sedai · 12-02-2002, 09:32 AM

Hans and Frans: "I will clench my buttocks and you will hear a thunder clap"

The Coneheads: "We must consume mass edibles" (pops open six back of beer)

Iron_Ranger · 12-02-2002, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:
Hans and Frans: "I will clench my buttocks and you will hear a thunder clap"

LOL, yeah Hans and Frans was pretty funny. Sprockets too.

"Would you like to touch my monkey?"

"I would love to touch your monkey."

"Touch it!!!!!!!"

12-02-2002, 12:25 AM	#1
Iron_Ranger Symbol of Cyric Join Date: August 18, 2002 Location: Where Eagles Dare Age: 36 Posts: 1,391	Recite your favorite Saturday Night Live Quotes here! SNL is one of the funniest shows I have ever had the pleasure of watching. Though I admit, some the sketes that arent particularly funny go on for way too long. Anyway here are some of mine: French Stuart: My name is French! Burt Reynolds: Yeah, well, who gives a damn? Jimmy Fallon: Gandalf was gay? I didnt know that. The entire sketch of Hardball with Chriss Mathews when John McCain was hosting. __________________ <br />[url]\"http://www.bratgirlcentral.com/cgi-bin/ouapforum/ikonboard/ikonboard.cgi\" target=\"_blank\">Once Upon A Paper</a><br />Living on a razors edge<br />Balancing on ledge<br />Living on a razors edge

12-02-2002, 12:27 AM	#2
Iron_Ranger Symbol of Cyric Join Date: August 18, 2002 Location: Where Eagles Dare Age: 36 Posts: 1,391	Hardball Chris Matthews.....Darrell Hammond John Ashcroft.....Sen. John McCain Rebecca DeWitt.....Rachel Dratch Harry Belefonte.....Tracy Morgan Chris Matthews: Welcome back to "Hardball", I'm Chris Matthews! One quick program note: next week, the Hardball College Tour continues when we come to you live from Bob Jones University with Special Guest: Coolio! The topic that night's gonna be tax reform! But today, we're talking about homeland security! Al-Quaeda's chatter's is revving up again, people in Maryland have to wear a Kevlar vest every time they go to a gas station, and every town from Buffalo to Portland's sticky with terrorists! The only security the office of homeland security provides is the security of knowing I can't go outside without browning my pants! When I get scared, I shout! And when I shout, I get scared! Are we safer today than we were pre-9/11? Joining us today: Associate Director for the ACLU, Rebecca DeWitt! Rebecca DeWitt: Hello, Chris. Chris Matthews: Bor-ing! Also joining us: Attorney General of the United States, John Ashcroft! John Ashcroft: [ somewhat gruff ] Thanks for having me, Chris. Chris Matthews: I had to! I was afraid you'd arrest me and put me in a camp! And, finally: he made headlines last week when he called Colin Powell a sell-out, comparing him to a slave serving his master, Harry Belefonte! Harry, welcome! Harry Belefonte: Welcome? Welcome? What are you, some kind of slave master? Chris Matthews: Aw, Belefonte! Crazy, right off the bat! I love it! Attorney General, we're gonna start with you! How do we make this country feel safe again? John Ashcroft: Chris. Security starts with vigilence. As Americans, we will never truly be free. Until each and every one of us is afraid of being throw in a jail. But thanks to the Tips program, we've been able to detain tens of thousands of potential American terrorists for months at a time, for little or no reason. Just like the Founding Fathers dreamed! Chris Matthews: Rebecca DeWitt, what Ashcroft just said was pretty crazy - can you beat it?! Rebecca DeWitt: Chris, we're living in a police state. Most of the people detained under Mr. Ashcroft's orders haven't been charged with a crime or given access to legal counsel. The Taliban prisoners at Guantanamo Bay are being denied their basic human rights. They can't practice their religion, they're not allowed access to their weapons, they can't even confer with their terrorist leader! It's appalling! Chris Matthews: Wow! An impressive display of insanity! Harry Belefonte, keep this crazy train rolling! Harry Belefonte: Chris, I'm gonna say something that a lot of people are afraid to say: Osama bin Laden is a Uncle Tom! Chris Matthews: [ shaking his head with wonder ] Good God! I can't even figure out who that's offensive to! Mr. Ashcroft, what plans does the Justice Department have to make our country safer? John Ashcroft: We’ve got some real great stuff in the works. There's one plan that would make the Arab language, or anything that sounds like it, illegal. In addition, we've gone back into ten years of old files to traxk down terrorist sleeper agents! Foremost amongst them: Shaquille O'Neal. Chris Matthews: [ chuckling ] Shaquille O'Neal! Are you serious! John Ashcroft: Yes! We learned that he was in a Middle Eastern-flavored movie, entitled "Kazaam!" I watched this film last week, and from what I can gather, it is some kind of terrorist training video! Chris Matthews: How about it, Rebecca DeWitt? Should we be throwing genie-portrayed basketball players in jail? Rebecca DeWitt: Chris, every society needs police. But who will police the police? My idea: terrorists! Give the terorists guns and badges, and the ability to arrest law enforcement and military personnel. That way, there are checks and balances. Chris Matthews: Dear Lord. Belefonte! Hit me with a quick one! Harry Belefonte: The war in Iraq is in a minstrel show! Chris Matthews: Fantastic! Another! Harry Belefonte: Winston Churchill was a house Negro! Chris Matthews: One more time! Harry Belefonte: Poodles are the black man of the dog world! Chris Matthews: Whoa-oa! [ laughs uproariously ] I'm never gonna get tired of this! Final thoughts, Mr. Ashcroft! Whom in this country can truly be safe? John Ashcroft: Every American citizen. Every man, woman and child has a bar code tattooed on their neck, and a chip in their head that responds to this remote control! [ holds up remote control ] Chris Matthews: Jiminy Christmas! Rebecca DeWitt! Rebecca DeWitt: Chris, if you bake one cake, it doesn't make you a baker; if you paint one painting, it doesn't make you a painter; but if you blow up one embassy, it automatically makes you a terrorist! [ laughing ] It's hypocritical! Chris Matthews: That just might be the dumbest thing I ever heard! Harry Belefonte! don't let me down! Harry Belefonte: Pokemon is a slave trader; Pikachu is a slave master! Chris Matthews: [ singing ] "Craz-o. Cra-a-az-o. Belafonte is a crazy mofo!" [ laughs ] Join us tomorrow, when Shaquille O'Neal joins us live via satelite from a prison at Guantanamo Bay! I'm Chris Matthews! Dabba da "Hahbah"! __________________ <br />[url]\"http://www.bratgirlcentral.com/cgi-bin/ouapforum/ikonboard/ikonboard.cgi\" target=\"_blank\">Once Upon A Paper</a><br />Living on a razors edge<br />Balancing on ledge<br />Living on a razors edge

12-02-2002, 09:32 AM	#9
Hiram Sedai Emerald Dragon Join Date: October 8, 2001 Location: Georgia Age: 54 Posts: 918	Hans and Frans: "I will clench my buttocks and you will hear a thunder clap" The Coneheads: "We must consume mass edibles" (pops open six back of beer) __________________ [url]\"http://www.xsorbit3.com/users/HADB/index.cgi?board=general&action=logout\" target=\"_blank\">HADB Messageboard Board</a><br /><br />Hopelessly Pedantic

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12-02-2002, 01:06 AM	#3
Heartless Butterscotch The Magister Join Date: November 5, 2002 Location: Marysville, WA Age: 47 Posts: 104	"The extra 'S' is for extra harrasssment!"

12-02-2002, 01:41 AM	#4
Slizerio Guest Posts: n/a	Hehe good Post Iron Ranger the Rat-lamb is pleased [img]graemlins/lamb.gif[/img] HEHEHEHEHE . In Aus we don;t have Saturday night live. We have a fake news show called CNNNN Though. Its very funny, even the fake advertisments are funny. (There isn't any brakes because its on public television!!) And on you mentioning Guantanamo bay, you might hear something from /)eathkiller

12-02-2002, 01:45 AM	#5
Nanobyte Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: NC Age: 38 Posts: 2,890	Many great comedians start as SNL nobodies. Jimmy Fallon is an all time fav. I just got done watching a Chevy Chase roast rerun, and I'd have to say that he isn't one of them [img]tongue.gif[/img]

12-02-2002, 04:39 AM	#7
Slizerio Guest Posts: n/a	/)ethkiller is from Guantanamo bay. And t's in a commie country .(Only kidding /)eath! [img]smile.gif[/img] )

12-02-2002, 09:25 AM	#8
Jorath Calar Harper Join Date: October 6, 2001 Location: Iceland Posts: 4,706	John Trebek to Björk on celebrity jepardy (Rockstar edition): "Are you Icelandic or Retarded?!" [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] Also the whole Herlehy boy with Adam Sandler and Chris Farly... [img]smile.gif[/img]

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