By Popular Demand...We should LOVE the Kobold not hate him

[Lord Brass]

Once again Chairman, I bow to your patience, understanding and endeavours to explicate this unpleasant situation. You have always remained a calming influence on the House, and it is a shame that your (valiant) attempts at rational debate have fallen on so many deaf ears.

KAK cannot respond to the Baldur's Gate Sentinel article, as the more sober and free-thinking members would have little to do with such an action. Desparate times do indeed call for desparate measures, but we have not reached that stage in the Senate yet, or Faerûn as a whole, and thus this impedment of a fellow member of the House is wholly unacceptable.

Please give the Senate Special Department our full support in this matter. The situation should be expeditiously concluded within the House, and within the sight of all members. Full and frank disclosure will occur under your tutelage, I have no doubt.

I remain your faithful servant and obedient member of the Baldur's Gate Senate,

LB

[Keraptisdm]

Let the record show, that as one of Mr. Baggins staunchest supporters, and a charter member of the B.Y.O.B., I repeatedly attempted to defend Mr. Baggins' work at Area 51. But sadly, as the record indicated, even I was unable to ascertain the whereabouts of the founder and leader of B.Y.O.B. I received no communication from him and all attempts to contact Mr. Baggins resulted in failure. The ledger books for Area 51 also could not be located. I feared that some ill had fallen upon Mr. Baggins, and not a few members pointed to Mr. Baggins' most outspoken opponent, Mr. Grungi, and his boasts to raise a great Xvart (aka blue smurf) army to destroy Area 51.

I continue to call for an investigation into the matter, and will gladly serve on any investigation committee. I also believe that our fellow senate members that are also members of the K.A.K. are NOT responsible for the reported carnage at Area 51.

Thank you fellow Senate members for your indulgence.

Kerap

[Lord Brass]

Thank you esteemed colleague Keraptisdm for your clarification. Mr Underhill must have indeed suffered under the hands of despicable mendicants to have warranted a complete lack of attention away from his duly elected position as Senate Representative for Area 51.

I find Underhill's comments disturbing to say the least. How much is factual, or indeed the machiavellian intrusion of a political underclass remains to be seen.

To this point, I would call for the Chairman, Legolas, to begin the discussion of events, following a full and frank report of the salient points from our colleague Underhill. From that, an investigation can begin, and the House can lay this matter to rest with blame apportioned to those parties, and justice meted out to the guilty.

Chairman, your response to this if you please for the Senate and the Sword Coast.

[Byrd]

Yet again I feel compelled to show the flaws in the Newspaper article that show that it was falsefied. I will not attempt to judge, I will simply show the flaws and let the dice fall as they will.
firs

Originally posted by I wish my name was Baggins: The remains of kobolds littered the ground

The paper states the remains of kobolds litter the ground. Later it states

This battlefield where humans and Kobolds died together

the newspaper makes no note of the human bodies until later. Does this sound like an article published and read by humans. It seems that they've just added it on for more emotion.
Secondly as i had previously stated

in the head of what was a beautiful young human girl was carved, "GRUNGI WAS HERE".

As we all know Grungi cannot spell
Thirdly

one of the most greusome sights that this reporter has ever seen.

While this might be true the writers of this newspaper are quite adventerous and have wrote about undead massacres so it is unlikely, but posible.
Next

Mr. Baggins took the knife from a fallen kobold

Kobolds dont carry knifes
Next and almost last

and in the smoking town square, where apparently the final stand took place, you would have been able to cross the village green without ever touching the ground so thick were the bodies of the village fallen.

Why only the village fallen. Did not one of the attackers fall? If so where are their bodies and who is missing. The "smoking town square" implies that the kobolds fought back with their fire arrows. It could simply be that the attempt failed at integration and the kobolds and humans fought. After all the survivor said nothing about who fought who.

Rising to his feet he let out the primal scream of a tortured beast and leapt away

this final part is also questionable. As we all know Baggins put a great deal of work into his integration of kobolds. If Baggins found out that his attempt had failed what do you think his response would be.

I have simply showed some inconsistencies and leave to the esteemed senate and my peers what to make of it.

[pritchke]

Kobolds dont carry knifes.

Actually they do carry knives. They usually use a natural poison to coat their daggers. They don't use the procedure properly so some of the poison goes on the handle. If your hand is scratched and you use a kobold dagger you have a chance to poison yourself.

[ 03-19-2003, 03:16 PM: Message edited by: pritchke ]

[InsaneBane]

Hmmm - the natural poison you talk about - I think I know how it works. As I wrote in another tread on this forum; I do not think that kobolds are using toilet paper. The question is: Has anyone ever witnessed a kobold washing his/her hands after visiting the loo?

[img]graemlins/greenbounce.gif[/img]
Insane

[Avatar]

Kobolds = Infinity Engine Arrow Supply
Kobold Commandos = Infinity Engine Good Arrow Supply
Xavarts = Infinity Engine gem supply

[Myrddin L'argenton]

I am sorry to report my formidable army of wolves were unable to witness the scene due to interventions with evil adventurers (in short word I was off killing all the evil bandits that were plaguing me and Kivan. However, looking at the report made by Baggins I must say it biased. I had stated my intentions to put Baggins on trial through fair means and I am sorry to say that His report of being in the KAK stronghold is untrue. We at the KAK stand to prevent groups such as Baggin's army of Kobolds from overtaking Baldur's Gate and we would not hold him in a steel box.

[Legolas]

I have spoken with the Senate Special Department, or SSD as it shall be known for all purposes until such time as they deem it necessary to reveal the name under which they truly operate to any but myself, and they have agreed to provide us with a report containing the results of investigations so far. Individual questionings have not yet been included, and the contents of this report may well be damaging to the reputation of certain members of this Senate. I would like to remind everyone that the results found are by no means complete, and even those who appear to be strongly connected to the disappearance of Mr. Underhill may not be the culprits. Because of this, I would ask my colleagues to refrain from judging others until such a time comes as the final investigations will be complete.
You will all have received a copy of this SSD report, and therefore I will only pick out the more interesting aspects mentioned therein.

Although one of the later chapters in the disappearance of Mr. Underhill, SSD considers the clipping to be of great value to the research into the matter. It has been carefully analysed and matched with Senate records to reveal the identity of the author.
An analysis of spelling and linguistic errors revealed the author was not a kobold. We know this to be true, for kobolds cannot write. Mr. Baggins did indeed teach this skill to his own kobolds, but since this would be a second language to them any errors made would be of repetitive nature. Therefore, especially important words like ‘kobolds’ would not on merely one occasion only be scribed ‘kobolods’.
From the article, it is obvious the reporter both idolised the Mr. Underhill we know, held him in high respect but also states he would fear the subject were not both on the same side. This indicates that, if it is true, whomever wrote the article was a BYOB member. In any other scenario, he or she was part of or hired by a power in the senate, for who else knows the details of the experiment?
Well, idolisation clearly shows the reporter was not genuine. Personal Opinion was written all over the article, yet the BGS is famous for its relatively unbiased journalists.
SSD is also fairly certain that the author was not actually a member of the senate. Continuous use of ‘Mr. Baggins’, over any other term, be it Baggins, mr baggins, Mr. Underhill or anything similar to this, only matches the behaviour of Dragonshadow, a member of the senate only after Mr. Underhill’s disappearance.
The SSD suspects the reporter was hired aid rather than a BYOB or senate member because of results following the analysis of the senate records.
Field research has shown that the use of correct spelling on the corpses is not because of the reporter’s desire to correct spelling errors, but is in fact a matching copy of the original texts.
K.A.K., as carved on one corpse, has only ever been spelled thusly by Keraptisdm, Lord Brass, Mr. Baggins, Dragis, InsaneBane and Byrd. Although we know Grungi, can spell Grungi, was and kobold correctly, and have no evidence he would mess up the spelling of the other words, only used the word once, as KaK. On the other hand, previously mentioned continuous use of Mr. Baggins has been demonstrated by none of the above, although Keriptisdm initially did have the habit of referring to the subject thusly. The word Lover was only ever used by Horatio, although Lord Brass once used ‘lovers’ in suspect combination with the word ‘kobold’. The word ‘die’ was only ever used by Dragonshadow and Myrddin L'argenton. There are hints, but these plead for and against the abovementioned in equal measure. This led the SSD to believe that none of them scribed the message, although some may have commissioned it.

Investigation of the BYOB (Mr. Baggins), KAK (Lord Brass), FOP (InsaneBane), PITK (SnarktheStrange) and BORING (Grungi) has revealed that there are no clear connections between BYOB and the massacre. Likewise, the FOP allowed SSD complete access to the rulebook we have seen but a few excerpts of, and have concluded they too are not connected.
The absence of the PITK and silence in BORING are worrying, according to SSD, and especially BORING is suspect. There are also links to a member within KAK. Senate members who have not announced ties to any of the above groups have not been part of this branch of the investigation, but were not excused from recent individual questionings.

Based on this evidence and that gathered on the period surrounding Mr. Underhill’s disappearance, SSD concludes that Grungi, Dragonshadow and Myrddin L'argenton are the most likely figures behind the subject’s disappearance and the attacks on Area 51. Mr. Baggins’ whereabouts, as well as the identities of the ‘reporter’ and the subject’s liberator are still subject to further investigations.

The current conclusion has led to the following reconstruction, which, I shall once again remind you, is not by definition correct and I will not have Grungi, Dragonshadow and Myrddin L'argenton treated as convicted criminals until such further research shows they are in fact the guilty party. The reconstruction is based both upon facts and speculation.

*shows film*
The people of the Sword Coast value honesty above many other things like dragons eating their flock. Unfortunately, there will always remain those who disagree with the general point of view. These are the kind of individuals who attempt to build their farms near a dragon’s nest. There are others still who try to exploit the people’s trusting nature and commit heinous crimes. We at SSD spend our time not by preventing such crime, but by investigating them after they take place.
This week we are dealing with a kidnapping. The material you are about to see is a reconstruction carried out by professional actors, but may still be extremely disgusting for those of you with a weak stomach that can’t digest blood, pus, vomit, random bodyparts and/or flowers. It is our advice these people turn down the volume and close their eyes.

The subject in this movie is a halfling by the name of Mr. Brown. It is not really Mr. Brown, you will note we changed names to protect the innocent and guilty. For example, Mr. Grungi is now Mr. Green.
Mr. Brown is an influential character in our nation’s senate. Recently, he has been fighting for greater acceptance of kobolds and their culture by our own. Not everyone thinks that is a good idea, and Mr. Brown has many enemies. Lord Blue is one who often said Mr. Brown’s ideas were not entirely well thought out. His followers were people like Mr. Green and Mr. Maroon. Mr. Brown also had help, from Mr. Kidney (see, wish you’d looked away now, didn’t you?).
Anyway, one day Mr. Brown said Mr. Maroon suffered from close-minded thinking. We never saw him again, but Mr. Maroon enthusiastically counted the days to the moment the chairman would allow people to come after Mr. Brown and drag him back. He was never dragged back by anyone. So the question is, who did it?
Was it Mr. Kidney, Mr Brown’s personal assistant, or Lord Blue, once the main voice against Mr. Brown’s plans. Or was it done by Mr. Green and Mr. Maroon, who both suspected Mr. Brown was raising an army to rival the ones the two of them were assembling, who both didn’t agree with Mr. Brown’s plans and were happy to have him gone after something remotely insulting was said, going against Lord Blue’s teachings which Mr. Green had been doing already for some time?
Then, weeks later, a newspaper article showed up, looking remarkably like the work of DragonShadow. We would have changed this name too, but it was late and the SSD headquarters couldn’t come up with something better.

Of course, we will continue to deny this. Dragonshadow was clearly connected to the kidnapping of Mr. Baggins… ehr, Brown, at the hands of Mr. Green and Mr. Maroon. Records show that Mr. Maroon and Dragonshadow had met in council before, so SSD thinks an unholy triumvirate was formed. After Dragonshadow’s clipping appeared, Mr. Green and Mr. Maroon withdrew from the council until things had died down, while Dragonshadow served as their agent. This plan was equally devious as it was farfetched, however, and some further investigation will be required.
Next week, we’ll be investigating the robbery which took place in the hall of wombats.
Thank you for watching.
*puts tape back in box*

As you can see SSD take their work very seriously, and I have no doubts whatsoever that we shall soon be able to meet out our justice to the guilty, as our esteemed colleague Lord Brass so elegantly put it.
It should be noted that, as you yourself can see, the Mr. Maroon from the video has returned by now, confirming once again that SSD research has not yet produced one single theory it is going to adopt.

[Dragonshadow]

Are you saying that I kidnapped him?
Dragonshadow