Things you hope will not be on YOUR Performance Evaluation......

[AngelofDeath]

Imagine the look on you face if your boss was reading these to you.

These useful quotes are from actual federal employee performance evaluations:

1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and
has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this employee to breed.

3. This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more of a
definite won't-be.

4. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a
rat in a trap.

5. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.

6. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

7. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

8. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them.

9. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

10. This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the
better.

11. Got a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all
together.

12. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

13. He does not have ulcers, but he is a carrier.

14. I would like to go hunting with him sometime.

15. He has been working with glue too much.

16. He would argue with a signpost.

17. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

18. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

19. If you see two people talking, and one looks bored, he is the
other one.

20. A photographic memory but with the lens covered glued on.

21. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

22. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

23. Gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train is not
coming.

24. Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

25. If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a
week.

26. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you would get change.

27. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

28. It is hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

29. One neuron short of a synapse.

30. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

31. Takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

32. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead

[ 02-13-2002: Message edited by: AngelofDeath ]

[Davros]

Ugh, still remember my first appraisal - my boss's favourite word in the English language must be STUBBORN . I must have had this one at least 6 years out of 8 appraisals I have had with the company.

My first year here I argued with him for 2-3 weeks on a process matter and finally proved that something that doesn't happen in any other plant in the world happens in ours. My "reward" for being right and dramatically changing the process for the better was the STUBBORN word and it haunts me still. Oh well, on the plus side he has at least dropped both the Arrogant and Lackadaisical from his repertoire now - that was what I got on my 2nd appraisal when I complained about STUBBORN.

[mistral4543]

It's funny to read, but definitely not funny to have it read to your face

And glad to hear that your work experiences are improving, Davros [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Bahamut]

mighty amusing for me and mighty painful if i was the one being talked about... [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Epona]

How in the HECK did you get hold of my performance appraisal? I demand to be told...