10 Reasons not to hit your kids.

[Dirty Meg]

Originally posted by SomeGuy: 7. I have no anger towards my parents, and they disciplined me, with a belt and a paddle.

I hear some people pay for that kind of service.

[ 06-28-2004, 04:29 AM: Message edited by: Dirty Meg ]

[JrKASperov]

Originally posted by Grojlach: quote: Originally posted by SomeGuy: I disagree with Number four. I recall reading somewhere in the bible where it DID say to spank your child.

Actually, the Bible tells us to "stone disobedient children" (Deuteronomy 21:18-21). [/QUOTE]No, the Bible says that we should not stone 'disobedient' children, it says we should stone those children who refuse to listen and learn even when we have employed spanking or other means of teaching or enforcing.

Besides, the first parts of the Bible are laws for Jews, but my main reason is to show that you are giving a rather harsh image of the Bible and that is not quite right

[Black Baron]

Can't disagree more. If a 7 year old kid puts iron into electricity socket because he "likes dark" twice per day, on a regular basis, he must be spanked. In israel we have a bunch of loose idiots due to that law. The bunch grews every day.

[Rataxes]

Wonder why kids in all those listed countries turn out alright if spanking is such a vital tool of parenting? [img]tongue.gif[/img] I don't expect people without negative experiences of spanking to be opposed to it, but a lot of people do have negative experiences, don't they?

[Sir Degrader]

Guys, we all need maddox's input on this. In the highly unlikely event that he's right, we can all move to Holland and enjoy wellbehaved non sexually confused children. Here

[Har'oloth]

quote:
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Originally posted by Grojlach:

quote:
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Originally posted by SomeGuy:
I disagree with Number four. I recall reading somewhere in the bible where it DID say to spank your child.

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Actually, the Bible tells us to "stone disobedient children" (Deuteronomy 21:18-21).


What does it matter what the bible say's about hitting your own children!!!
it's sad that some parents need to hit theyre children because they don't know other options or just because out of thinking they have a reason to hit them.

One thing hitting a child who can't hit you back is lame and the person who does it is more stupid then the kid you hitted for.

[Svaerdhelgon]

I´ve never been hit in my entire life and I am a quite well adapted balanced person.
However I don´t think people that spank their children moderatly are complete a-holes,some children have a hard time getting what is right and what´s wrong by merely telling them(but I don´t know anyone who does that since it´s illegal in Sweden since like the 70-80).

[Dirty Meg]

Children misbehave because of bad parenting. No one in a position of authority will ever say this though, because children can't vote and parents can.

[Arledrian]

Originally posted by Dirty Meg: Children misbehave because of bad parenting. No one in a position of authority will ever say this though, because children can't vote and parents can.

Exactly.

[Bungleau]

Gotta pipe in.

First off, while some of the reasons are plausible, some are just foolish.

#2 -- translated, says "You bad parent! It's your fault."

#3 -- slippery slope. Do all spankings follow up with "feelings of anger and fantasies of revenge"? Some do and may, but not all.

#4 -- not an issue, but Old Testament and New Testament are dramatically different. Old is much more black-and-white wrath and punishment oriented, while New is more compassionate. I'll leave that there.

#7 - spank your kid, create a columbine. Somehow, the cause-and-effect link isn't quite there.

#8 - spanking leads to sexual exploration and lower back pain? Okay, I'd like to see some actual study on this one... I was spanked as a kid, and lemmetellya, it's not high up on my fantasy list

Now, all that being said, even though I was spanked as a kid, I've never spanked either of my kids. Why? Well, partially because I act, and don't react. Or at least, that's what I try.

When I see people spanking their kids, more often than not it appears to be done in reaction to what's happening at the moment.

I came across something once that said if you're going to spank, do it the next day when you're not caught up in the moment. At that point, if you can clearly decide that spanking is the appropriate response, do it.

For me, I have yet to find something where the next day, spanking was the best response. It's definitely not a case where my kids think I won't do anything; rather, they know I'll do something, but it will impact something they care more about than their behind. Playtime, privileges, going out, special toy time... those are things that they can give up temporarily.

I've had conversations with my kids where I make it clear that I love them, and I don't like that behavior. There has to be a consequence, and sometimes we'll discuss what the consequence should be.

I've also had conversations with them where I apologized or said I was sorry. I've acknowledged making mistakes before, and promised to try to avoid them in the future.

See, my job as a parent is not to create some rule-obeying automaton. It's to create someone who, in just a few short years, will be able to survive on their own as a reasonable and competent adult. To do that, I have to talk to them at a higher level every so often, so that they understand the reason behind some of the decisions we make.

And I have to disagree -- while many children may misbehave because of bad parenting, logically that's as accurate as saying all gamers are antisocial devil worshippers. Some may be, but that doesn't characterize the entire group. There are other reasons kids may misbehave, from physical and medical conditions to simply just being sick.

Last week Monday, I flew from Detroit to Boston. In front of me was a woman with two kids, around ages 3 and 6. The six-year-old was not having a good day, and was crying throughout the process of going through security. He ultimately went through twice (because the first time he banged against the sides, which sets of the detector).

When I finally got through, I went past. I could hear him still crying, so, thinking of what it would be like if my wife were in that situation, I went back to offer some help. The woman at that point was standing with the older boy in one arm, trying to keep him from wandering away somewhere, while she tried to buckle the younger child into her stroller. She was having none of it either at this point, and the woman gratefully accepted help getting the girl buckled in.

Turns out the boy was a special-needs child, and his reaction was appropriate for the situation he was in. Unfortunately for everyone else, it's not what they wanted.

Would spanking have helped him? I don't think so. It would have caused an acceleration to a higher level of conflict.

Before I had kids, I thought the rules for raising them were black-and-white. Now that I have them, I realize that they shift around every day, with every situation, just like life does. I know I won't be a perfect parent, but I can give it my best shot and try to fix things when I go off course.

Hmmm... I know where I started this, but I'm not completely sure how I got to where it ended. Oh well... 'tis still true, and still my opinion. [img]smile.gif[/img]