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Old 10-20-2004, 09:38 AM   #1
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Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Midlands, South Carolina
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Is it right for me to call her my step mom, if my real mom is still alive and I was over 21 when the other woman came into the life of my dad?

Anyway, my sister wakes me up this morning at 1:30am, yelling and foaming at the mouth about a phone conversation she had with Kayla...the offending party. My sister is attending school in Hawaii, and Kayla sent my sister her old Verizon phone to use for calling home. They are on that family plan deal where two verizons can talk free and weekends are also free, as well as after 9pm. Well, they never told my sister when the billing cycle began/ended so she went over what Kayla alloted her for the use of the phone. See...Kayla would let Jackie use the phone free, if she only stayed within the limited details. sister Jackie went over that on her first month, not even knowing it. My dad talked to her Saturday to clear up the confusion. Well, last night, Kayla called Jackie after my dad had gone to bed and chewed her ass out. She ranted and raved over how much money Jackie was costing her and how bad of a person Jackie is. Typical evil step mother shite.

Jackie called me for advice. I told her that she needed to quit wasting her anger by yelling where nobody can hear. She needed to put that energy to use. I advised her to send the phone back and cut all contact with the woman. My wife added in that Kayla was loving the ability to control Jackie and that she needed to prove to Kayla that she was an independent thinker and free of any necessities the woman might try to hold on her. She also advised the return of the phone and to put her energy to use by proving that she can take care of herself as a grown woman should. My sister is 26.

Now I have a question. Should I take this personal, and also try to sever ties between me and the evil woman, or should I consider this a thing between my sister and her step-mom and they can deal with it.

Should my real mom be let in on this? Should I tell my dad that I do not approve of what happened last night?

I seek advice.
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Old 10-20-2004, 09:40 AM   #2
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Stay out of it, it will only backfire on you.
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Old 10-20-2004, 09:57 AM   #3
Jack Burton

Join Date: August 24, 2002
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Yeah, dont get involved if you dont have to, especially with step mothers, and especially, especially if thet are evil.
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Old 10-20-2004, 10:32 AM   #4
Baaz Draconian

Join Date: June 14, 2004
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This should be your sisters fight. Let her find it in herself to support her belief in herself. If you try and smooth it over for her she won't grow. At 26 she should be able to pay for her own cell phone and feel happy to do so.

She should talk to her dad and tell him how she feels. Let her dad tell his wife what is right when talking to thier daughter. There are a lot of people in the world she can give her energy to, she just needs to decide if this is a relationship she wants to be in or not.
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Old 10-20-2004, 10:33 AM   #5
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I say you should intervene if worse comes to worse, meaning when punches start being thrown, otherwise just let them settle it themselves.
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Old 10-20-2004, 10:37 AM   #6
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Jackie sounds like she should be able to make her own decision, dude...I'd stay clear of this one...

On a related note, my sister HATED my exstepmother with a passion, and I was more or less uncaring about the woman, but I made darn sure I never took sides between those two...woulda been bad...

Is that what you really want to say?
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Old 10-20-2004, 11:41 AM   #7
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One thing I am learning the hard way is that it NEVER pays to let your parents take care of you as an adult. You'll pay the price in one way or another. Have you ever watched "Everyone loves Raymond" the sitcom? Some of that is more true to life than you might think! Try and do everything possible on your own. Many times your parents will really want to do things for you or get involved. It will only give you grief if you ever make them mad by going against their wishes. You will hear, "After all I've done for you, you treat me like this!", until your ears bleed.
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Old 10-20-2004, 12:36 PM   #8
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Several good points so far. Here's my [img]graemlins/twocents.gif[/img] on the subject...

First of all, what are YOUR "gut feelings" on the issue? You know Jackie better than any of us. Do you think she is blowing the issues out of proportion? Is it possible that she is partly to blame for the situation? Does she resent Kayla coming into your dad's life and has she done things to "get back" at her because of it? Or is Kayla really the evil stepmom Jackie makes her out to be?

I'm not trying to slam your sister, just asking YOU to look at the situation as objectively as possible...especially if you're going to consider entering the fray.

I agree that your sister is old enough to stand on her own two feet. If she isn't doing that, then it's past time she started. I understand you want to rush in and help/protect your baby sister - but she can't depend on Big Brother to solve all her problems all of the time. I do agree this sounds like a very manipulative attempt on Kayla's part, but one that can be disguised as "Sugary Sweetness" to your dad ({sigh} "I was just trying to help Jackie out AND open communication between us"). Jackie needs to send the phone back and let Kayla know she isn't going to play into any of her games.

I think it is perfectly valid for YOU to call your DAD and discuss the situation Father-to-Son. It probably seems like this is just a cat-fight between the daughter and the step-mom. He needs to hear from an outside party that there may be more to it than that. While you may not be completely objective, you are certainly MORE objective about the situation than Jackie is. You need to let your dad know what Kayla did after he went to bed the other night and how upset it made Jackie. If Kayla IS doing the evil stepmom routine, then your dad needs to know about that too.

And IF all else fails, just remind Jackie that - here in the South - "She needed killin" IS a valid defense!

[ 10-20-2004, 12:38 PM: Message edited by: Cerek ]
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Old 10-20-2004, 01:41 PM   #9
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Join Date: September 15, 2002
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Have you called Dr. Laura Slensinger? [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]
Sounds like everyones got the right idea. Be supportive of your sister, but let her fight her own battle.
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Old 10-20-2004, 01:54 PM   #10
40th Level Warrior

Join Date: October 29, 2001
Location: Western Wilds of Michigan
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My thoughts...

First off, it is between your sister and stepmonster. It's not between you (yet...).

Second, I concur with sending the phone back or, if desired, switching to a phone card or prepaid phone. Presto! No more overages [img]smile.gif[/img]

Third... while I prefer to stay out of others' business (especially family), it's probably worth mentioning to your dad what you're seeing... just so he's aware that there are two sides to the story (three, actually, but that's another story).

Fourth, I don't know what's going on between your sister, father, and Hawai'i. I would suggest that your sister look for independence ASAP.

And fifth, your real mom doesn't factor into this for you. if your sister wants to talk to her, thatls fine - it's not your place.

Good luck -- I feel for you.
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