Headbutting Terrorism

The Brilliant Minds at Whacklabs (Secret Laboratory on the tenth level of my bunker, right between the Tim Hortens and the "Billy Bob's Bait Shop") have invented ingenious means of fighting Terrorism! From a Govt act that allows police brutality (I'll explain later) to the WDS (again, I'll explain that)
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The OUCH Act

This Government Act would allow police officers to do whatever they want to do with Suspected Terrorists: Twist their tits, shove Firecrackers up their asses, jam batons into their skulls, whatever their hearts desire.
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Lower Airplane Bathroom roofs

Remember Richard Ried? (The Shoe Bomber) Well, here's the ultimate solution to that problem: LOWER AIRPLANE BATHROOM ROOFS!!! That's right! With your face sharing the toilet with your ass and your other thing, you won't be able to concentrate and the bomb will be totally defective.
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WDS -- Whackmiester Defense System

When Terrorists take over the plane, just as they wander the isles, the pilot presses a button. At that moment, Iron sudders immediatley slam down, defending the passengers and cockpit. Then the roof opens up, sucking the terrorists OUT of the plane and sending them on a looooonnnngggg waaaaayyyy doooooowwwnnnn --THUD--

When all's done, the roof closes again, the shudders lift, and everything returns to normal. Note: Do not preform over forests, cities, or lakes. It is prefered that the terrorist lands on such terrain as Mountains, Snow, Desert, Middle of the Ocean, Wastelands, jungles, cliffs, plains, and other terrain.
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Militia:

The American Constitution says that a militia is nessecary for the security of a free state! DAMN IT, PICK UP YOUR BLOODY WEAPONS AND KICK SOME TERRORIST BUTT!!!
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The Flamable Beard Test:

Do this to every bearded arab that comes in: Set their beard on fire: If it burns quickly, he's a Terrorist! If it burns slowly, he's ligit.
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These are just some of the ways we're thinking about doing to combat terrorism! YOU can support our research by donating:

Send Check or Money to:
The Whackmiester's Secret Bunker, Level 666 (Fake address)

Go to our Donation page at:
http://www.give-us-money-so-we-can-k...tsack.whack.ca (fake link)

Note: This post is just for kicks and giggles. It's not my fault if someone imitates anything they've read in this post.