Pulling The Trigger On Memories

Tomorrow is the one year "anniversary" of my father's death.
It will be nothing to celebrate and I would rather not enter the day with sadness as a couple of my family members who Instant Message me are actually planning on doing.
It just doesn't make sense to mark the day and mourn the loss once a year when I helplessly cry at least once or twice a month for the loss of my hero, my dad, already.
I can understand how such anniversaries touch people and my father should be remembered as should any loved one any of us has lost. But, I would rather go into the day filled with memories of his love for his children, his friends and his family, the happier times, than to be reminded that he is not there to share hugs and smiles, or just to talk to.

What I would like this thread to do is to trigger memories for us all of those we love and have loved, gone to the world or not.

Pick a word or phrase in my following paragraph that triggers a good memory for you and share? Those who post third, fourth and so on...use any prior post as your inspiration? This way we can all take part in the love that binds us all.

Thank You!
Love, Hugs, & Peace,

Moni

Stars

When I see a night sky full of stars and the wind is softly blowing it takes me way back to times when I would suddenly awaken to a cool breeze hitting my face and the sight of nothing but stars in the sky.
I would wonder how it was that I was floating outside when seemingly minutes earlier I had been fully awake in my Grandmother's house, visiting with her as we did once a week.
I would look around and see my father's face, smiling down at me as he carried me from our Grandmother's house out to the car.
His face was full of love and joy and the feelings went through me like electricity.
I knew I was loved. I knew I was safe.
It happened many times. Enough to burn his smile and the way it felt when he held me tighter in his arms into my memory for the rest of my life!

How I dreaded getting to big to be carried out anymore!
How I love and cherish that the events took place! That he would smile so lovingly at me when I woke up! How he would hold me tighter, sharing the love of a father and child with me, just me.


Moni

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[Sazerac]

I lost my grandmother to cancer when I was only 18, and she was 74. She was like a second mother to me, because my mother worked and she cared for me after school. She struggled a full 8 years with that cancer, and she never once complained, although it ravaged her system. Even though that's been 20 years now, I still miss her, and will always treasure her memory.

One mysterious thing: the night when she died, my mother came home from the hospital and lay down across her bed, and had a vision. She saw this being of light being escorted away by two beings that looked like they had shields and had horns on their heads. She was terrified that demons were around her mother (my grandmother). When she told me about it, somewhere deep in I felt that Valkyries had come to escort my grandmother to the "other side".

The next night she had another dream-vision in which she saw a point of pure white light racing towards two darkened mountains. When it reached the mountains, it exploded in a burst of brilliant white light and she heard a thundering boom which sent her back up into consciousness. It was then she felt that my grandmother's spirit had entered what she called "Heaven."

Apologies to any I may offend by this post, as I know we have people here with different beliefs. My mother's vision, though, offered comfort to us as we struggled to cope with our loss. To this day, it still brings a sense of awe to me. I think my mother was very fortunate to witness what she did.

Thanks,

[caleb]

Originally posted by Moni: When I see a night sky full of stars and the wind is softly blowing it takes me way back to times when I would suddenly awaken to a cool breeze hitting my face and the sight of nothing but stars in the sky.

Heh..this reminds me of dirt bike riding at night back in hawaii. My friend josh died last december after being in a week long coma from landing the wrong way after a jump I can just envision him doing some crazy stunt everytime I am in the wilderness on a star lit night. He was kind of a shooting star and wouldnt want to go out to old age anyway.

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BOW TO THE BISCUIT KING AND HIS THRONE OF SCONE!!!

[This message has been edited by caleb (edited 06-07-2001).]

[RudeDawg]

Wow, caleb. That was really touching. It reminds me of a friend who died on his motorcycle, on his way to our job. I was the one the cops contacted, and flew to his home in El Paso with his body. Shooting star.

But, I want to mention my mother. She was my guiding star. I wrote many poems for her, growing up, and one was even entitled "Mi Estrella", spanish for star, when i spoke of her as such. I miss her, and am glad to have been blessed with her in my life.

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Sazerac,
Thank you for that astounding revelation!
That is just totally awesome!

My father was closest to his Native American Heritage~Apache to be exact and the morning he passed away I was sleeping...dreaming of an Apache man who looked much like my father being tangled up in a dream catcher that was tied to a horse.
My sisters were there, full blooded and half sisters alike and one of them insisted we keep him tied up there for his own good.
As she walked away with the rest of us following her, I questioned her reasoning and as she voiced her answer and entered the building we were all in front of with the rest of my sisters following her inside, I turned back again to the man and saw that he was no longer tied to the horse, but tied between two posts on the old western style sidewalk we were on. The dreamcatcher he had been tangled up in was gone.
I approached him to look at him and wonder why she thought it best for him to tie him up this way when he obviously looked as if he was suffering and he pleaded with me to help him, that his heart hurt and he was afraid he was going to die.
As I went to touch his chest, near his heart, he vanished into thin air and I awoke.
I was extremely depressed, unable to think or function and I did not know why.
I did not associate my physical and mental condition to the dream until later that day when his sister called me to give me the horrible news.

My father had been working in the kitchen in his house in FL when his heart literally exploded from the strain he was putting on it by lifting windows out of the wall in order to later install a patio door.

His time of death coincided with the time that I awoke...the time that the Apache man in my dream had just vanished.

I believe that supernatural beings can appear to us, my own brother saw a Dr. and two nurses performing surgery on my mother while he was in her bed one night and one of the nurses approached him and whispered to him that everything would be OK. He told her of the experience and she went to the Dr. to find out she had cancer and needed a hysterectomy, which she recovered swiftly from.

I also believe that our own souls have ways of reaching out to others that they love in order to convey important messages.
I believe the Apache man in my dream was my father.

Thank you for sharing! Please, tell us of some of the memories of your grandmother that you hold in your heart so that we too may share in the love that she shared with you.

Thank you!

Moni

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[This message has been edited by Moni (edited 06-07-2001).]

Caleb and RudeDawg!

So cool how the stars touch us in their own special ways!
RudeDawg, I am speechless! Your guiding star and your poem "Mi Estrella"!

These are exactly the kinds of posts I was hoping for!

Thank you both very very much!

Hoping for more people to share their memories too, not just of stars but of the way others love and love for life (like your friend Caleb, just righteous!).

Wow! I feel so good right now!
Time to end this long break and get back to work!
I already wore a blister on my hand today LOL!

See You Later!


Moni

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[mammawlin]

My Dad's name was JC. My grandson's name is Josh Carter. My grandson told my Dad one day "My name is JC too!" My Dad was so very pleased with this that he often told others about it. My grandson lives far from us here in Ohio, so my Dad and Josh didn't get to see each other very often. All the more reason why my Dad was so pleased that Josh wanted to be JC too.

I was blessed like you, Moni. My Dad was a loving, caring and responsible father. He died from cancer in October 1995. I have heard that your body remembers tragic or traumatic events in your life, even if you don't. Therefore, people may experience some depression or discomforts during a time frame when things happened to them, like a parents death, without even knowing why they are feeling like that.

I choose to remember the good things too. My Dad always called butterflys, "flutter bys". He said when he was grilling, the bird asked him for a "cheeseburger, cheeseburger". He had a welcome mat that said "Wipe your feet, stupid". He donated a piano to the church and led the singing in his wonderful deep baritone voice. When I was little, he would let me sit on his foot and he would walk around with me holding on to his leg. I was sad when I got to big to do this. He was smart and funny and I miss him, but I am glad he was my Dad.



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I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me. Philiappians 4:13

What wonderful memories Mammawlin!

Thank you for sharing them!

My dad used to show me off to his friends when I learned my colors and how to count...I learned that "two-teen" and "lellow" got a lot of laughs LOL!

I know exactly how you feel about walking around holding on to your daddy's leg!
We used to to that too and I remember wishing I did not have to get bigger when he could finally no longer take me playing "horsey" on his shins as he sat and watched TV.



Thank you again for sharing your memories with me, it really means a lot!
You are so very special to me!
God Bless You & Yours ALWAYS Mammaw!


Moni

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[Fljotsdale]

Originally posted by Moni: Stars When I see a night sky full of stars and the wind is softly blowing it takes me way back to times when I would suddenly awaken to a cool breeze hitting my face and the sight of nothing but stars in the sky.

Lovely idea, Moni!
The above sentence reminds me of my dad showing me the moon through his home-made telescope when I was little, and naming the stars and constellations for me. It was during WW2, and everywhere was 'blacked out' so the sky was not light-polluted as it is now, and was velvety black with brilliant stars... He'd kneel behind me, with his arms round me, so that he could hold the telescope in the best position for me. It was warm, and safe, and fascinating.


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[This message has been edited by Fljotsdale (edited 06-08-2001).]

[Bahamut]

well caleb... sometimes the best thing that you can remember for the rest of you life can turn out to be one of the worst...

anyways,

My grandmother, "Granma" as we call her, dies last year, October 20. she died of lukemia. thr problem was she couldnt be given any chemo(?) coz of her very weak heart...

As Saerzac said, she was also like a second mother, or rather my mother. My moms a career woman, doesnt know how to cook, cleaning up for her sux, doesnt do laundry, etc. so me and my granma were the only one at home... oh, how i remember when i was in grade two, i gave her this heart that was stuck on a stick. it was colored red, it was valentines day, so i thought that id give it to her. i gave it to her, and she loved it, heehee. i gave her xmas card too and there was this one when you opened it, it triggers some mechanism that turns on the music stuff, so it has xmas rhythm in it too...

My mom would usually go home late due to meetings and stuff, and what she would is wake up my granma, well, i always were awake(summer ) and they would go down and just chat. i wait for them, and i do stuff. i realize that its already 4 am or something, then i call them so we could all sleep. hehe those were the days...

Well, i grew older, and as she was growing weaker, i just couldnt handle it. i mean, i dont want to give pity coz your weak. or she has lots of complaints about this and that it pissed me off...

well, she got sick and stuff... and when she was in the hospital for five months(but, actually, the meanest part of it, is that we were just waiting for her to die...) my mom would visit, and everyone else, but me, as much as possible i dont. i mean, shes in a hospital, so? i love her enough said, but i have a different view in life... and it seems my actions are relatively harsh...

yes, of course she died, and my mom called me via celfone. when ig ot in the hospital, my mom was crying, well, not until my older cuz gave the hug. but me, no. to me, she is dead, and i will just meet her someday again. i saw her body, lifeless. the body on which once protected me, cooked foe me, hugged me when i was sad, the shell of her soul, there lifeless. i didnt care... shes dead. PERIOD.

even in the funeral, i didnt give a damn. but although i have to admit, she was there helping me with Joelle...

anyways, i may sooo mean. but im glad she went away on that time on where... nobody really needed her anymore... when i was a child, i had so many thoughts of losing her, and it always made me cry... i think my mourning for her passing was done and over with in my childhood when she was very much alive. although, when she was being brought to the incinerator(?) the thing for creamtion, i almost cried, but i managed to hold it back...

i still miss, those long talks with my mom in the morn... ALWAYS.

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You know what happened. We are ONE, WE ARE, ahh.. er... I AM 'S favorite pet pea-cock...teehee and... Stay ahead of the Avalanche or risk being buried...