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Old 04-15-2006, 12:47 AM   #1
Harkoliar
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I was browsing around in the usual topics regarding love, relationship, and some tidbits called life. i stumbled this interesting article in the "Sydney Morning Herald".. The topic is "A smile, does it mean she is into you?"

link: http://blogs.smh.com.au/samandthecit...ves_me_sh.html

quote: (removed the quote tag for easier reading)
Blokes have it tough when it comes to deciphering our mixed-messages. So this Easter we thought we'd help out those singletons in search of some telltale signs...

OK gents, we know you have a tough time when it comes to working out whether or not we're interested in you. It's a tad easier for us chicks, (after all we've got a gamut of guides telling when he's not that into to us to help us out), but it seems modern blokes are getting it all wrong. (We don't blame you with our constant mixed messages.)

But apparently you're even misjudging a simple smile. Body language analyst Allan Pease, says men can forget about taking "the smile" as a signal that we're into you.

"We've done studies into the phenomenon," says Pease. "We presented a film of an acted-out scenario where an older superior male boss interacted with a female colleague who was simply being friendly, but not flirtacious."

The films were shown to a large group of men and women at a relationships conference where they were asked to decide whether or not the female was flirting with the male. And no surprise here - a whopping 55 per cent of men thought she was being seductive because of her constant "smiling" as opposed to 27 per cent of women.

"We concluded that men are more than twice as likely to see a smile as a 'come on' rather than a women's way of simply being friendly," says Pease. "That's why guys approach women and say such stupid things - he misreads the signals!"

And the fact that blokes have 10 to 20 times more testosterone than women is what Allan cites as the reason "he reads sex into everything."

In attempt to help out the blokes, I conferred with dating consultant Baileys who agreed that men are generally hopeless at knowing if and when women are attracted to them.

"You would think that it has to be announced, advertised or made into a cream pie and thrown in their face for it to be realised!" says Baileys. "I guess it's just the way we're programmed. We cringe at women who come on strong yet we can't tell the difference between attraction and admiration...maybe we're just a little naive, or we're still stuck in the caveman days where we growl and take the women we want whether she's attracted to us or not."

Hence Bailey's list of signs to tell if she's into you:

o If she dresses up for you, and touches you frequently.

o How she holds herself when she is around you and is responsive, attentive and wants to know your idiosyncrasies.

o She actively listens and asks you questions (you must listen with just as much enthusiasm!)

o Sharing her life experiences with you and asking for yours.

o Wanting to know more and more about you (now she has already accepted and screened you, now she wants to know if you really are for real, by digging deeper)

o She wants to be with you more and more often - and she actually does call you!

Girls how do you show the guys you're interested? Men, share with us how we can tell if you're interested too.


---------------------------
quite interesting responses as well with some people. one such caught my attention i had to share to you guys. its a very much masculine respone which i may agree to a certain degree.

-------------------------


Blokes have it tough when it comes to deciphering our mixed-messages.

*Do WOMEN even understand their messages?

OK gents, we know you have a tough time when it comes to working out whether or not we're interested in you. It's a tad easier for us chicks, (after all we've got a gamut of guides telling when he's not that into to us to help us out), but it seems modern blokes are getting it all wrong. (We don't blame you with our constant mixed messages.)

*We guys have more simple rules:
Do not give into her HINTS. Even if you somehow have the magical, miracle power of being able to pick up on her hints, don’t. Just wait until she says what she wants up front. We men are not mind-readers, and honestly, we don’t care enough after a while to try to decipher your stupid code. And if you give us crap for not being psychic, I have no problem telling you to “Bugger OFF”. I will tell you up front to ask me or tell me what you want, it’s that simple. And if you don’t want to follow that simple rule, find another punching bag. This hinting is nothing but an intentional set-up just so she can bitch at you for not being able to figure her out. Anyone who does that is borderline-psychotic and has zero respect for you.

Women are masters of these covert "signals". Of course, since they are covert they can later deny them and blame everything on the man.

Ambiguous behavior or statements by a woman that make it difficult to decipher the level of her attraction to you, or the seriousness or permanence with which she views your relationship or her obligations to you, are rarely unintentional on her part, and are always significantly disadvantageous to you and advantageous to her ends. The ambiguity not only allows her to keep all her options open, it permits her to fault you at a later date for picking the "wrong" interpretation of her ambiguous
acts/words.
*
"We concluded that men are more than twice as likely to see a smile as a 'come on' rather than a women's way of simply being friendly," says Pease. "That's why guys approach women and say such stupid things - he misreads the signals!"

And the fact that blokes have 10 to 20 times more testosterone than women is what Allan cites as the reason "he reads sex into everything.

*Women are encouraged to be sexually liberated, then they are taught to stifle their man's sexuality.

The funny thing is that many women will spend so much money buying clothes, shoes, makeup, perfume, hair products, etc. just to get all skanked up so they can arouse sexual urges in men, and then once they hook one, they complain that the man expects sex all the time. Talk about false advertising! If you want a guy who is interested in more than sex, why don't you dress conservatively, read a few books to fill your head with something, and go try to start a meaningful conversation with a guy instead of acting like a street walker?
Like all loud, obnoxious advertising the final product is almost never as good as the marketing department would have you believe

The problem for women is that when someone dehumanizes another, they lose more of their own humanity than the other person. Women really have gutted themselves of all value to men besides sex, and thus the only men who still approach them do so based on sex alone.

Let me make things clear: if women asked men out 50% of the time (which they claim they do but obviously don't) and tried to interest men (again this absolutely never happens, even if they do strike up a conversation first; they always expect the man to jump through hoops so that MAYBE they will be swayed by his silly antics) - then you would have a basis for complaining that men don't understand women. But in reality, men ALWAYS have to pique women's interest, it is NEVER the other way around. AS SUCH women 100% forfeit any right to complain.

Here we come up against the inevitable conflict between the male and female social roles and circumstances. Because men are the "designated initiators", they are the ones who have to take an active role in "finding" that "one", while women get to sit in their towers and pass judgment and indulge their penchants for cruelty.

The net effect for women has been two-fold. As long as they continue to rely entirely and exclusively on the passive strategy of attraction and abuse the sexual power they have, they are automatically sorting out all but the most aggressive males. Thus their attitudes become self-fulfilling prophesies as they make themselves so obnoxious that any man who is capable of sensitivity and warmth cannot stand to be around them. Thus, in order to attract men AT ALL, even the most aggressive
ones, they have to resort to more and more extreme measures of emphasizing and calling attention to their sexual attributes. The real "Beauty Myth", just like all other myths which absolutely refute any role that women take with their own decisions in shaping the outcomes of their lives, is that ANY of these standards are imposed from the OUTSIDE, by PATRIARCHY or by the culture as a whole. The truth is that they are the primary methods which WOMEN USE TO COMPETE for that commodity so desired by women – MALE ATTENTION.

The true reason why women want men to initiate contact is because they’re too afraid to do it themselves. They’re more afraid of rejection than us. They wouldn’t admit it though, they’d rather hide behind the “old-fashioned”, “traditional” way of a man approaching the woman. This way, their fragile female egos remain intact and they have a wonderfully convenient rationalization to boot. Yes, as much as they love to talk about our fragile male egos, they’ve got them too, but can’t admit it
lest they abdicate their sense of superiority.
It takes a lot of guts for a man to approach a woman especially in this extremely hostile dating environment where the line between “harassment” and “welcome attention” is all in HER hands. Just remember that when she tries to rationalize not asking a man out. Most women, despite their gender equality rhetoric, still expect for men to approach them when romantically interested. They either don’t approach men because they are too scared (as are some nice men as well) of rejection, or they just feel that a man who has the courage to approach them is worthy of them.
*

Here's THREE question for the ladies then:
If we men, according to the above can't or don't understand your signals, misinterpet your smiles, have NO idea what you think about us, then WHY do YOU want to be with any of us?

At what point do you think that guys will think that having to jump through all these hoops, reasearch and analyzing your moods, looks and body language just to TALK to you (less planning seems to be done for a grand scale war) isn't worth it anymore?

Are you willing to follow the same rules/suggestions you give to the men?

The rest is up to you, ladies.


* post by risk breaker


----------------
while his post i believe its to a certain degree limited to the social out-going women in the fliritng/dating world ( you know certain types). I just had to nod my head somewhat in the net-effect double standard passive mode he has mentioned.

then i came accross this comment by ferg
-------------------


Women don't send mixed messages, guys recieve mixed messages. A mixed message an be defined as an impression a guy gets from a gesture that was made without that message in mind, probably with no intended message.
Guy wants, guy believes she wants to, because it makes him happier to believe that as he lies in bed at night. Humans believe what they want to believe. Look at religion, look at homeopathic medicine, etc.
When someone wants to believe that another person feels the same way as they do about them, they have begun to ignore the reality of the other person. They forget that the other person is not insecure and needy of love in the same way that that they are, and they ognore the possibility that they other person simply enjoys their company and want to spend platonic time with them. You dont often get mixed messages when the person actually dislikes you, stalkers cannot usually use that excuse for example.

People who complain about mixed messages are sad, they neglect that we are complex social beings who communicate subtly and this enables us to weave seemlessly amongst each other. This is the fabric from which our societies are made, and when this breaks down there is confusion.

I find it irritating when people need to be sat down, like children, and told that the other person just values their friendship and whilst they enojy spending time with that person there is nothing else to it. (Usually it has to be the other person who says this, they will not believe anyone else). Irritating is the wrong word of course, but you do see this time and time again.

Women are not unexposed virgins in need of protection from unvalourous men. They don't play "hard to get", they are not love struck by every advance they come across, and they are no more confused about their sexual identity than men are. If she wants it, she will tell you. If she doesn't, she won't. She owes you nothing more than that, if that changes the way you feel about her then perhaps it is not she who is confused.


-----------------------------------

perhaps they are both right. I just had to share. what do you think? [img]smile.gif[/img] sorry for the long read btw.. just hope its interesting for you guys

[ 04-15-2006, 12:55 AM: Message edited by: Harkoliar ]
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Old 04-15-2006, 01:11 AM   #2
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Where's the "Can of poisonous snakes that opens and painfully chews off your face" image, Z?

Um...women aren't hard to understand, really...well, no more than men. Some people are logically driven, others are not. Most fall under the "partially logic driven" definition, and as such, it's difficult to say a whole lot about human relations other than that it happens, and that young women have terrible taste in men
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Old 04-15-2006, 01:23 AM   #3
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Quote:
Um...women aren't hard to understand, really...well, no more than men.
I truly hope for your sake that you mature just in time before your parents set you free.
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Old 04-15-2006, 01:46 AM   #4
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I liked "Seven of Nine" (Star Trek Voyager), she went up to a male, and said "Do you wish to engage in procreation?" [img]smile.gif[/img] Only if all people were that up front, eh?
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Old 04-15-2006, 02:44 AM   #5
Harkoliar
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ziroc:
I liked "Seven of Nine" (Star Trek Voyager), she went up to a male, and said "Do you wish to engage in procreation?" [img]smile.gif[/img] Only if all people were that up front, eh?
oh how i wish
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Old 04-15-2006, 02:55 AM   #6
Ilander
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...I've met men who were just as erratic as women, Johnny, and I'm not kidding...I'm not making statements about the averages, though
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Old 04-16-2006, 12:56 AM   #7
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No comment.

Perhaps the culture here is just... ugh (regarding men and women).
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Old 04-16-2006, 01:03 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ziroc:
I liked "Seven of Nine" (Star Trek Voyager), she went up to a male, and said "Do you wish to engage in procreation?" [img]smile.gif[/img] Only if all people were that up front, eh?
I like the character played by Willow (Alison Hannigan) in American Pie. "Are we gonna bone soon? I'm getting antsy."
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Old 04-16-2006, 08:14 AM   #9
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Or there is always Gord's GF's approach from "Freddy got Fingered" That was one silly movie but a very funny one too.
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Old 04-16-2006, 04:58 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ziroc:
I liked "Seven of Nine" (Star Trek Voyager), she went up to a male, and said "Do you wish to engage in procreation?" [img]smile.gif[/img] Only if all people were that up front, eh?
Or when a guy smiles at a girl, "State your intentions".
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