Items for Sale

I will trade ya a sack of my +6 acorns for that recipe book !!
Even trade? Or what is the difference?

Are they +6 Acorns of Demon Boredom or the +6 Acorns of Deficit Spending?

Drink up.

-Tipsy

Greetings all. As some of ye may know I've been a wee bit absent of late. I've been working me tail off to bring ye, me mates and adventuing buds, some quality items. These items have been found in some of the finest shops and houses up and down the Sword Coast and all come with an unconditional money-back guarantee, which is to say if ye ask for yer money back it's guaranteed that I'll laugh in yer face unconditionally.

Any similarity to items that ye may have once held in yer possession is strictly coincidental. Now, on with the listing.

1. +5 Long Sword of Ex-Paladins - this particular number was once owned by certain Paladin that shall remain nameless (Jerome, that's you) but has since fallen off the straight and narrow. Useful for Kobold slaying, Dragon pokin', apple peelin' and as a mighty fine doorstop. 35,000 GP

2. +3 Book of Evil Mage recipes - Cheezy Halfling Pastry Puffs, Cleric Soup and Fried Familiar Fritatta, they're all here and all tasty. Why place yourself in the situation of having to torture and kill yer whole dinner party just 'cause a guest complained about the food? Worry no more! 15,000 GP

3. +13 Club of Ultimate Evil Bashing - while this may just look like an ordinary stick that's been painted with gold paint it's actually one of the most powerful weapons in all of Faerun. Really it is, I wouldn't trick ye. In fact, after buying it perhaps ye should head to Windspear and try it out on the big Red Dragon. What? No those aren't other gold sticks in that bag. They're...uh...special kindling. Yes, that's it. 125,000 GP

4. +3 Kindling of Mage fire - recently acquired these er...special logs...uh...make..um good fires. Yes, good fires. Despite their striking similarities to the +13 Club of Something-or-Other they aren't that at all. 5000 GP each

5. +4 Chair of Childbirthing - only used once. And no, that stain won't come out. 10,000 GP

6. +3 Tankard of Continual Filling - the plus side is that this tankard is never empty. The minus is that it's always filled with Milwaukee's Best. 1 GP

7. +5 Ring of Imprisonment - Ladies, here's yer chance to get that man of yer dreams. Once this ring is slipped upon yer love's finger at a ceremony presided by a priest or justice yer man is effectively imprisoned for all of eternity. Keep tabs on him, make him spend quality time with ye, have him mow the lawn, whatever. Once this seemingly innocent gold band is on his hand he's yer's forever. 25,000 GP and 50+ years

Well that's it, no decent offer is refused. Come one come all, make sure to stop buy on Friday for our Buy One Sword of Smiting, Get Another for Whatever You Paid for the First One Sale.

Drink up.

-Tipsy

[Jerome]

TIPSY YOUR HANDWRITING GETS WORSE WITH EACH PASSING DAY, YOU REALLY SHOULD LAY OFF THE ALE FOR A WHILE EH?

BTW HOW MUCH FOR THE ANTI PALADIN SWORD, I COULD PUT THAT TO GOOD USE...

SO SAYETH JEROME THE DARK AVENGER

The +6 Sword of Reducing Paladins to Quivering Crying Babies is 65,000 GP but fer you Jerome it's 65,000 GP.

Drink up.

-Tipsy

[Asphyxiate]

T I P S Y!!!

Come back here with my book, lest I roast you alive!
My grandfather Suffixiate gave that to me. It's one of a kind!

Newt is too good for you..

Ah, another satisfied customer! Phyxie, be sure to tell yer friends about me fine selection. And ye seem to forget that ye gave me that book. Or did I forget to tell ye that I stole it? No matter. Look, I'll give ye a discount. Let's say 10% off?

Drink up.

-Tipsy

[Jerome]

TIPSY ABOUT THIS SWORD..... WHEN I HIT A PALADIN WITH THIS ENCHANTED BLADE IT....UM......WELL IT TRANSMUTATED BACK INTO THE FORM OF A RATHER STOUT DWARF WOMAN (COMPLETE WITH BEARD) WHO PROCEEDED TO GIVE BOTH ME AND MY ADVERSERY THE MOST VENGEFUL LECTURE EVER. EVEN EARS THAT HAVE HEARD A THOUSAND MEWING BABIES BEING SLOWLY ROASTED ALIVE FOUND THIS WOMANS RANTINGS OVERWHELMING.

ANY IDEAS ABOUT THAT????

SO SAYETH JEROME THE WELL TOLD OFF DARK AVENGER

Tipsy... that 'gold paint' you picked up... ummmmmm - I wouldn't touch it if I were you - theiving things you can't identify will cause you trouble - It's ooze slime - I'll dispose of it if you give me all items - otherwise the curse will activate...

Tipsy do you have some stuff i have been looking for, for ages.

+15 toothpick of rabbit bone removal (evil rabbits)

+7 spoon of never spilling, my coat is looking really bad as after a year of eating with a normal spoon (i'll leave it to your imaginations) and a

+4 boots of stair climbing, my head really hurt as my room is on the top floor and falling to the bottom every morning is not good for my diminishing intelligence.

would really appreciate if you could help me with these items, can only pay 5,000 gps as things have been a bit slow lately.